Sometimes the bond of a relationship can be tested by the individual priorities of each partner.
When that happens, it can be difficult to make each half of the pair feel heard and supported.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated one form that can take.
The Original Poster (OP), known as ijus7w4nn4b3h4ppy, expressed frustration right in the title of the post.
“AITA for not quitting my job, again, so my boyfriend can work at his dream career?”
OP began with some background about her own work situation.
“Background…My BF, G [27-year-old male] and I [27-year-old female] met in my hometown. I worked front desk at a hotel, mostly 2nd and 3rd shifts, for a year.”
“Things were good, but I wasn’t in love with it.”
Then she shared her boyfriend’s backstory.
“G was working at a truck company as a diesel mechanic. He moved almost 8 hours south from his hometown to go to school and put so many hours of training into this job.”
“We moved in together after 4 months of dating. G started getting frustrated with his job, feeling disrespected by the way they were treating him.”
“G found a new job and we moved about 1 1/2 hours north.”
But moving wasn’t a magical solution.
“Almost a year after moving, I worked at the same chain of hotel, same position, same hours. G started coming home frustrated at his work schedule (2nd shift), and was having problems with the supervisor.”
“He’d been away from his family for 7 years and wanted to move back.”
“At first, I was not for it. I was super close with my family and I had never lived more than a 2-hour drive away. He complained about work and made me feel bad he was away from his family.”
“I gave in after he told me if we moved, he’d be ready to have kids (I’ve always wanted to be a mom, something he knows would make me move).”
OP had to roll with the changes.
“He found a place close to his dad’s to work, but this meant that he would take a break from trucks and work in another field.”
“We both quit our jobs and moved 7 hours north to his hometown and have been staying at his dad’s.”
“Now I’m working at a gift shop. This was a summer job, but because of events, I’ve been left in charge of running the shop.”
OP found herself surprised.
“I love this job and I don’t dread going into work! I enjoy doing inventory, rearranging items, cleaning, and talking with the customers that come in.”
I get to learn about the history of the area and I’m able to pass that knowledge to others. History has always fascinated me, so this has been perfect.”
“When we moved here, I was so depressed. I barely left the house except to go fill out job apps. I had no friends or family close by.”
“Over time I made friends through G, his family became my family, I made friends at work and I’m happy! I can see making a life with a family here.”
But there was a new snag.
“The issue is, G wants to go back to working at his last company after they built a shop 2 hours away from us, saying he knows he had it good there.”
“This means that I’d have to quit my job so he can work on trucks. I’m afraid that if we move, I’ll get depressed again.”
“He says we can go up every weekend if we move, but he said that when we were 1 1/2 hours away from my family and got mad if we went down more than twice in one month.”
OP wrestled with the decision.
“I would do anything to make him happy, but I feel like I changed my life around enough to make him happy.”
“He acts like I’m being selfish and ungrateful that he pays most of the bills. Now he doesn’t have good days at work and ‘hates his life’ and gets mad at me for the little things.”
“AITA for not quitting my job so he can be happy again?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors confirmed that OP was not being an a**hole at all.
They threw their full support behind her initial response to it all.
“NTA – OP, it really sounds like you bend over backwards to please your other half…maybe it’s time he show his flexibility and considers your wellbeing.”
“I’m overjoyed you’ve been able to find some happiness this year. Hold onto it.” — meatcube
“NTA this sounds like a classic case of “the grass is always greener on the other side.” He needs to accept that it’s very rare to find a perfect job, and if there’s no real problems with the job he has, he needs to stick with it.”
“It’s not fair to you to keep dragging you on his never ending search for something better.” — DemiDinosaur
“NTA, if you’re happy then stay. You already did this once. He can stay at his job or find another one where you are, or move away to find something else. He shouldn’t be using kids to get you to move your life again. Your life matters to.” — introverted_smallfry
Some people pointed out some deeper concerns.
“NTA there are only so many times you can uproot your whole life for your boyfriend.”
“Also, him using kids as leverage to get you to do something is an awful move on his part.” — kikivivi01
“Oh girl, do not do it. There are some major red flags here! Definitely NTA for not wanting to give up a job that you love so he can quit yet another job that he hates. It doesn’t seem like he’s the type to be happy anywhere and you definitely do not need that negativity to rule your life.”
“And hate to say it, but he’s very obviously using your desire for kids to manipulate you.”
“Please reevaluate this relationship. Stay at the job you love, in a place that you’re happy and fulfilled. You are where you’re supposed to be right here, right now even if that isn’t with him. Best of luck!” — theirothermother
“NTA You need to realize that you are not responsible for his happiness. If he grows to hate his life everywhere he goes, the issue is with him, not his location. You need to stop putting his needs ahead of your own since he clearly doesn’t give you the same consideration.”
“If you set a president of subservience to his needs you’ll end up stuck with the same cycle forever. Trust me, it will be the same song and dance at the other job if you move back, just like the last 3 times” — privacyishard
Looks like OP can rest assured that that her continued firm stance is a justified one.