Putting together a party menu can be tricky.
In this day and age, with allergies and dietary preferences, cooking and baking can be stressful.
Everyone can have an opinion and a request that can throw the entire event off.
So, how does one pull it all together?
Is it better to give up?
Redditor Status_pokerface wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA I told him I would never again bake him something?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband is lactose intolerant, but he likes banana cake.”
“For his birthday, I baked a two-layer banana cake and made the recipe of a vegan frosting and a vegan toffee sauce that was really good!”
“When we were going to sing the usual Happy Birthday song, he stood up and walked over to the cake table while I was saying that I had baked a banana cake for him with vegan frosting and sauce.”
“His answer, in front of everyone, was that he didn’t know why I had baked him some cake if I already knew he didn’t like it because he had not eaten in so many years that he doesn’t even like it anymore.”
“I felt hurt and didn’t say a thing there.”
“I thought that he would appreciate me baking a cake for his birthday because that’s what his Mom used to do when he was a kid, and he always makes a comment about me not baking the kids’ cakes.”
“Every time I go to the local bakery, I get him a banana cake, and he eats it and says how much he likes it.”
“For the rest of the celebration, I was trying to act normal, but he noticed me upset, and when everyone left, he asked if I was ok.”
“I said I was never going to bake him anything again.”
“His answer was, thank you, and that I was being unfair to him because I should have already known.”
“Worst of all of this was that my birthday was the same day as his.”
‘So I baked another cake for me because I wanted a chocolate cake, but this is just venting.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA Reddit?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. So he eats banana cakes from the bakery all the time, but he also hasn’t had one in years?”
“Yikes what a gaslighter.”
“Luckily he only made himself look bad.”
“Next time you go to the bakery, only buy yourself a treat.”
“You don’t know what he likes after all!” ~ TheBookishFoodie
“He shows he has no respect for his wife, even if she had baked the wrong cake by mistake (which she didn’t), these kinds of confrontations or remarks are private, degrading your wife in front of everyone is never justified.” ~ Coolcatsat
“This is a one-time face smash into a cake would have been appropriate.”
“You’re going to denigrate my hard work to make you something that you’ll eat if I get it from a bakery?”
“Humiliate me because you’re a whiny AH?”
“Well, I’ll humiliate you right back.”
“At the least, I would have dumped it in his lap.” ~ infiniteanomaly
“100% my wife knows I don’t like chocolate cake (I know I’m weird, I can eat it but I’d just rather not) but if she made me a chocolate cake for my birthday I’d eat it with a smile.”
“NTA, but the husband surely is.” ~ foofarice
“This reminds me of something that happened when I was a kid, we actually did bake the wrong cake.”
“Lemon with chocolate icing, rather than yellow with chocolate icing- it was just a mistake.”
“My grandpa, the birthday man, didn’t get mad.”
“He even had a second slice, and as he said all those years ago, ‘It’s not what I was expecting, and it doesn’t taste great, but you baked it for me and I’m not wasting cake.'”
“You don’t have to eat the cake, but don’t get mad about it. It’s something someone puts effort into and it’s worth it not to be a d**k about it lest you never get a birthday cake again.” ~ FluffyTheDwarvenEvil
“Narcissists get off on this.”
“Causing pain like that.”
“This was a classic textbook move my immature ex would’ve done.”
“Waiting until I’ve done a sweet, tender gesture, a vulnerable moment when no one would expect an attack to ruin and shake your emotional state.”
“And then going on to say you’re crazy and being sensitive.”
“OP, find yourself someone who actually loves you and acts like it.”
“Someone who appreciates you and all your actions.”
“And treats you with respect.” ~ Global-Dragonfruit76
“I bet that if OP thinks about it, she will find many other instances where he has been a gaslighter, selfish, or dishonest.”
“This is never an isolated incident – it’s just a pattern she probably hasn’t noticed until now.”
“And if this truly is the first time, it isn’t going to be the last.”
“I’m sorry, OP. I had a husband who would make fun of me to my face and behind my back.”
“I thought it was just playful joking around.”
“Turns out I could not have been more wrong.”
“Take care of yourself and keep loving, supportive people in your life.” ~ SeekingPeace444
“I’d have replied in front of everyone staying (in a family-friendly way) that that was a load of 💩, and why.”
“And also point out that I’d taken the time to do something nice for him, and he’s treating me like this?”
“AND I’d mention that it’s my birthday too, and I had to make my own cake because he didn’t get me one.”
“OP – Why are you taking this garbage from this guy?”
“Especially on your birthday.”
“NTA. You deserve better.” ~ CoolRanchBaby
“Maybe he finds something embarrassing specifically about someone baking for him.”
“Even though baking is a completely ordinary thing, birthday cake baking, specifically, is usually seen as very sweet and loving.”
“Anyway OP is NTA.”
“I’d not bake for him again, and I’d also stop bringing home surprise banana cake from the store.” ~ cloistered_around
“Why on earth would your husband tell a lie, in public, on both of your birthdays, in order to humiliate you and make you look bad in front of everyone after you’d put out all that special effort for him?”
“What your husband did was extremely hostile. Aggressively so.”
“And then his gas-lighty thing (at last, Reddit, actual gaslighting!) where he tells you that you should already know.”
“When you do know.”
“You know that he eats banana cake all the damned time. So…?”
“I’m not suggesting that this is the hill your marriage should die on, but lying to humiliate your wife in public on her birthday is a very, very bad look.”
“I think that if I were you, I’d insist on marital counseling. Yesterday.”
“And if he refused, I might take a nice little break until he agreed.”
“It’s not OK for him to do this to you.”
“You don’t have to tolerate it. NTA.” ~ Nester1953
“NTA, but if I were you, I’d do some serious introspection.”
“This man lied about not liking the cake and did this in front of a crowd to humiliate you on your birthday.”
“Then, when you talked about it, all he could muster is ‘You should have known???'”
“The ease at which he does this, and the apathy towards you that exudes from his words, makes me believe this isn’t the first time your husband does something insensitive like this either.” ~ LimeLight4TheDark
“NTA. What did he do for YOUR birthday apart from humiliating you in public to make himself feel good?”
“You don’t need to tell him you won’t bake for him. Just don’t.”
“Also don’t buy bakery cakes.”
“Don’t make his favorite food. Make yours.”
“Don’t buy the treats he likes.”
“Just live your life without a care about what he thinks/feels/needs.”
“You’ll see, it’s wonderful to be selfish.” ~ Delicious-Pick-6971
“NTA. And not only stop baking for him, but stop buying that banana cake from the bakery.”
“If he questions it, point out that he said he didn’t like cake.”
“If he says ‘But that one’s an exception,’ point out that it’s the same type of cake he rejected in front of everyone at your joint birthday party without even a token test bite.”
“He cannot have it both ways!” ~ Normal-Height-8577
“NTA. You sound incredibly kind and thoughtful.”
“I’m sorry your husband is being such an a**.”
“And that cake sounds divine! I’m coeliac, and when I go to my parents for dinner, my mam always bakes me a gluten-free cake or dessert.”
“I can’t even explain how much I appreciate it!”
“I’ve offered to bring my own, but she insists.”
“Food is my family’s love language! I think that’s why I’m so mad with your husband on your behalf.”
“OP, please go treat yourself to your favorite cake.”
“Make it a regular ‘self-care’ thing.”
“Sounds like you deserve it. X.” ~ _Fraggler_
“Sounds like he really wanted to humiliate/hurt you in front of people.”
“Evaluate where you are in your marriage and pay attention to other negative behavior that is meant to belittle/shame you like this.”
“NTA, but be vigilant about how your husband is treating you and your marriage.” ~ hadMcDofordinner
“NTA. But your husband sure is.”
“He sees your effort and thoughtfulness as an opportunity to insult and humiliate you in front of people.”
“And then when you were (understandably) upset, he played the victim and gaslit you about him not liking them when you know that he still eats them.”
“That whole thing from start to finish is emotional abuse.”
“That’s what emotional abuse looks like.”
“And judging by the fact that he did it by openly lying in front of people without being concerned you’d call him out on his lie makes me think this isn’t the first time he’s treated you like this.”
“Absolutely none of what he did was ok.” ~ FlyingNope
“If OP’s husband is lactose intolerant and enjoys a banana cake from the bakery but dislikes OP’s vegan banana cake… does he, in truth, only enjoy the sensation of explosive diarrhea?”
“And what’s up with his method of informing OP in front of an audience?”
“What a weirdo. NTA, OP!” ~ fizenze
“NTA. Don’t bother baking for him or getting him cakes.”
“You know now.”
“Just bake for people who appreciate it.” ~ SpecialModusOperandi
OP came back to chat…
“There are too many messages, and I cannot reply to all of them.”
“I agree with 99% of them, and it’s also good to know a different perspective.”
“I thank you all.”
“You can search for recipebyrosie in TikTok, Instagram, and web page for the recipes 🙂 since a lot of you are asking for it.”
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your husband was out of line. You keep baking for you.
Let him fend for himself.
Happy Birthday!