Good friends have your back and will take care of you in a time of need.
However, one Redditor who is mindful of his spending discovered that there might be limitations to the rule.
During a birthday outing, he realized his buddy was in a pickle and made a decision that caused a blowout in front of everybody.
After the fallout from what initially began as a celebratory evening, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and sought judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Straight-Spirit5905 asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my friend’s expensive dinner after they forgot their wallet?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, I (29 M[ale]) went out for dinner with a group of friends to celebrate one of their birthdays.”
“The restaurant was fancy, way above what I’d normally spend, but hey, it’s a celebration. Everyone was ordering expensive meals and drinks, but I stuck to something modest since I’m trying to save.”
The OP continued:
“When the bill came, one of my friends, Jake (31 M[ale]), suddenly ‘realized’ he forgot his wallet. He was very casual about it, saying, ‘Oh, just cover me, I’ll pay you back tomorrow.’ ”
“I was a bit annoyed because Jake has a habit of ‘forgetting’ his wallet, especially at pricey places.
I told him no, I wasn’t going to cover for him this time, especially since his meal and drinks were the most expensive of the group.”
The suggestion didn’t go over too well, according to the OP.
“He got upset, saying I was making a big deal out of nothing and embarrassing him in front of everyone. The rest of the group was split—some said I was being harsh, others admitted Jake does this a lot and needs to stop.”
“In the end, Jake stormed out, and the birthday friend ended up covering his share. Now Jake is texting me, calling me a jerk for leaving him stranded without a way to pay, and some mutual friends are saying I should’ve just paid to avoid drama.”
“So, AITA for refusing to pay for his dinner and standing my ground?
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. I assume the people who said you were being overly harsh didn’t offer to pay for him?”
“You COULD have discussed a split bill with the other people present though, so not just one person was on the hook.”
“Are the people who said you were being harsh aware that he has a habit of doing this?” – LannerEarlGrey
“This!! And LOVE it that people often criticize when OP’s on this sub for not ‘stepping up’ when THEY didn’t. And they all let the birthday guest of honor pay?!?! They aren’t ‘friends.’ ”
“Nta OP.” – SetG
“Having a go at OP deflected the attention of anyone who might have suggested that the complainers might pay. If someone had still suggested that the complainers could pay, that person would have thought twice, in case the complainers had a go at them.” – Independent-Algae494
“NTA – Jake didnt forget his wallet, Id bet he had it on him just didnt want to pay. After all he has form.”
“Did Jake have his phone? apple/google pay. Hell venmo/paypal to whoever covers him.”
“For the sake of argument, when he has done this before has he paid the next day or not? I think this is the most pertinent question. Its not a huge issue if he is quick to pay it back but if he drags it out or even avoids paying it back then Im still surprised he gets invited to gatherings.” – Remarkable_Dust3450
“I find it so hard to believe that anyone can leave the house without a payment card at all these days. He doesn’t even need a wallet. If he has his phone he should be able to pay on that.”
“If he does this repeatedly then you were right tell him no this time. And what was stopping your friends who disagreed with you from paying for him?” – Yikes44
“NTA. There have been times when I’ve been on a strict budget and order accordingly, knowing I’m paying for myself and no one else. Jake didn’t forget his wallet and any friend calling you out needs to be aware of this. And why was it up to you? I’d ask your friends that as well.” – LowBalance4404
“I’d understand one or two times in the history of the friendship, but since he has a habit of doing this (that even other friends notice) then he’s in the wrong. With that being said, I wonder why he is doing this. Does he actually pay you back each time?”
“If so, he’s not looking for freebies I guess. Maybe waiting until next paycheck but wants to be included anyways? No idea. Strange.”
“NTA” – LilBoopz
“NTA.”
“Why was it up to YOU to cover ‘Jake’?”
“I guess you could have all split his bill, although that would have been a complete nightmare in terms of everyone trying to get their share of money from him.”
“Given the history of ‘Jake’ doing this, you all need to agree to stop inviting him – or if that’s not possible, next time, before you even order, make him show that he has his wallet and either his credit card or enough cash to cover his meal. If he gets nasty, well, at least no-one has ended up out of pocket on top of that.” – TeenySod
“NTA – if you go anywhere with him again, make a point of asking him ‘have you got your wallet?’, before ordering anything and in front of everyone.” – Theta_Sigma_054
“There’s way too many ways to pay for sh*ts now, the wallet is just and excuse. And why do you have to cover for him, are you his BF? Doesn’t make sense unless he’s used to do it so NTA.” – MADGAMBLER11
“NTA. If he genuinely forgot, he can use the phone he absolutely did not forget in order to transfer money to someone to pay. The fact that he didn’t suggest this tells me that he was only after a free meal.” – FloatingPencil
“NTA.”
“Why did it fall on you to cover it initially?”
“Also the odd time sure, anyone can forget a wallet, but but you the extent it’s a habit.”
“And with the way things are these days, he didn’t have his phone to pay contactless his share? Or transfer using whatever app y’all use to someone to cover his share? Rather than…. Oh I’ll get you tomorrow?” – ZookeepergameNo7151
“NTA your mutual friends should have covered his share if they were so worried about him. Jake chooses his consequences and until now his consequences have been that he doesn’t have to be responsible for adulting. Time for that to stop.”
“He forgot his wallet, but I bet he had his phone. And apps to pay his share on it, or at least PayPal or Venmo you.” – Sharontoo
“NTA Why didn’t one of the others who said you should pay offer to do it? They can put their mponey where their mouth is. Tell Jake that you’re still waiting for him to pay you back for all the times he forgot his wallet.”
“If you ever go out to dinner with him again before he orders ask him if he has his wallet.” – wlfwrtr
“I don’t even understand how this shit still happens when everyone has a phone on them nowadays which allows us to transfer funds immediately to our friends and family. I always just transfer to whoever is paying the bill my portion and it goes over immediately. NTA.” – imamage_fightme
“NTA and every time you’re at something with Jake ask him ‘Have you checked you’ve got your wallet? Just take it out your pocket now so you can be certain.’ Every. Single. Damn. Time. Loudly in front of everyone.”
“When he starts to whine say that you want to avoid any embarrassment for him like last time. Say it with a smile, you’re looking out for him after all…” – JosKarith
“Nta. If he legit left his wallet he would have sent the money to someone at the table. It’s like my husbands friend that got annoyed and said $3 more per ticket was too much to see a movie for my husbands bday in a nicer theatre and then asked hubs to cover her ticket till she got paid.”
“She never paid him back and i ended up in bed for a week cause the seats in the cheaper theatre were so bad I had 2 pinched nerves after it. Should have said ‘no I’m going to this theatre, if you can’t go… that’s a shame.’ “ – Kattiaria
Overall, several Redditors questioned why Jake couldn’t have paid digitally through apps like Venmo or Paypal. They also suspected given Jake’s history of “forgetting” his wallet to social functions was because he had never has the intention of paying for his portion of the bill.
Maybe it’s time Jake isn’t invited to future engagements if this is the case.