As the saying goes:
"Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around."
A high school student who's dealing with someone's aggressive religious expression in non-church or religious places turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Equivalent-Food2138 asked:
"AITA for telling my friend to 'Stop forcing Jesus onto me' because of her ridiculous level of Christianness?
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (18, female) am with this girl Jessica (18, female) in the same friend group in high school. Jessica is a devout Christian and goes to a Presbyterian church every Sunday for mass."
"I have no problem with this, and it was nice to see that she was able to live a happier life because of her Christianity. Her religious expression was very normal and nuanced at first."
"She would do things like wearing a cross necklace, adding Bible verses to her social media, etc. The issue came when she would show up to our lunch table with a Bible and keep reminding us about how 'God is Great', etc.
"The last straw came when she had made a separate Instagram account dedicated to making posts about the Bible and telling people how to live a holy life."
"She had even tried to make her own Christian podcast at one point."
"At one lunchtime, she told us she was ranting about how 'offensive' it was for people to wear things like cross jewelry when they weren't even Christian and how egregious 'Jesus Christ Superstar'—one of my favorite musicals—was."
"I told her that while her religious beliefs were fine, me and my friends were frankly getting sick and tired of her bringing Jesus, God and the Bible into every single conversation, as well as on her social media."
"I also further reminded her that recontextualizations of the Bible were perfectly fine and that the musical was a medium to explore the humanity of Jesus, because frankly he is human like us."
"Jessica got offended and looked at me coldly before responding with, 'Are you suggesting you're better than Jesus?' I got sick and tired of her at this point and said to her sarcastically, 'Look, Jesus loves you, but he wants you to shut the f*ck up'."
"I then got heated in the moment and told her that her level of devoutness was extremely ridiculous before telling her that she didn't need to make her 'Christianness' her entire personality. I also bluntly told her it seemed like she was subtly suggesting she was better than the rest of us just because she practiced her Christianity a lot."
"Jessica hasn't talked to me since then and I'm wondering if I did overstep a little bit. My friends agree with me, saying that Jessica's behaviour was extremely weird and that she was a hypocrite."
"Meanwhile, my inner self is feeling conflicted. I feel like the sarcasm/swearing was stooping down to her level."
"So Reddit, AITA here?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"I think the swearing and sarcastic remarks might've been a bit unnecessary, and furthermore, I'm wondering if my actions are making it seem like Jessica doesn't have the right to practice Christianity."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"'Jesus loves you, but Jesus wants you to shut the f*ck up'. Gawd. This should be the tagline for ththEvangelical rhetoric of the next presidential election. NTA." ~ Reddit
"NTA, and Jess' response asking you if you were better than Jesus is ridiculous and clearly didn't address the point you were making."
"Her having a religious Instagram/starting a podcast are both fine—you don't need to follow or listen to them if you don't want to."
"The issue is her bringing religion up in every conversation and seeking to control how others behave, and it's totally reasonable to call her out on that."
"I don't think that your being sarcastic makes you an a**hole, as she sounds incredibly annoying, but I think it probably means that you failed to communicate clearly."
"If she does start speaking to you again, then maybe explain to her that you respect her faith and her right to practice it but that it is rude and disrespectful of her to try to control how other people practice or express their faith—or lack of it."
"Or to try to impose her views on others. And that socially it gets very tedious if one person is constantly bringing up the same subject where their interest is not shared by others, and that that is the stage she has reached with her religion."
"Also, her implying that she is better than the rest of you because of her faith is not subtle. She is absolutely implying that she and people who think like her are better than anyone who doesn't share their views."
"And she is being judgemental as hell, which is very unchristian, but I doubt that she would be willing to see that." ~ ProfessorYaffle1
"It's funny how the loudest Christians are usually the ones who totally miss the point of Jesus's teachings. She should spend less time making podcast and more time volunteering at the food ppantrie. NTA." ~ No_Magazine2270
"NTA. Really, these Christians should read their own book, starting at Matthew 6:5:"
"'And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others'." ~ Baby_Blue_Eyes_13
"NTA. If you do feel bad about how you expressed your frustrations, then definitely apologize for that. But don't apologize for being sick and tired of the God talk."
"It's easy to make something your whole personality, especially as a teen. Sometimes it takes some painful reminders that it's not fun for others to hear about it 24/7." ~ TAMeaniePies
"NTA. 'Look, Jesus loves you, but he wants you to shut the f*ck up'."
"Nailed it in one. No one should be forcing their beliefs onto anyone else." ~ Apart-Ad-6518
"NTA. Everyone should treat religion like their genitals."
"It's a private thing. Keep it to yourself unless you have express consent to share with somebody close to you."
"Other people don't need to hear about it on a daily basis."
"Other people don't need to hear how you feel it might impact their lives."
"If you make it a core part of your personality, you will be thought of as weird." ~ I_Will_in_Me_Hole
"My grand aunt used to bring up her digestive system issues, bowel movements, poo texture, etc... whenever someone started talking religion to her. Worked every time." ~ notcomplainingmuch
"Christian here! NTA from me. So it's great to have beliefs. It's great to be happier with the Lord in your life. It's not okay to ram Him down people's throats because literally all you will accomplish is turning them away from God."
"It's also not okay to go Holier than Thou. Ever. We're all flawed. Believing does not make you a better person. How you treat people, how kind you are, how generous, that stuff—that's what makes you a good person."
"It's an easy trap for religious people to fall into. I don't know how hearing sermons of love and joy make people judge and jury, but it fricken does." ~ BeMandalorTomad
"Yeah, I did this when I was a kid and my church youth leader wanted us to go out and tell all our friends that they would go to Hell if they didn't shape up. As a kid, I thought this was what I needed to do."
"Didn't turn out well, pretty much lost all those friends forever. I did grow up and changed churches to one that is not so overtly critical of others views." ~ Knit_pixelbyte
"NTA. You were 100% correct. If my friends weren't into my pastimes and I insisted on talking about nothing else, I would expect to be told to shut up too." ~ mismanaged
"NTA. While you didn't necessarily have to clap back, Jessica's behavior was becoming increasingly rude and disrespectful to you and your friend group."
"This was going to boil over at some point, and now it has. I don't think you're an a**hole for what you said. But words do have consequences, even accurate ones, and the result may be that Jessica will no longer be your friend. Such is life." ~ cascadia1979
"NTA. But I would like to remind folks that this is part of the plan. Force the followers to alienate themselves from the rest of us, lose contact with non-believers due to their forceful proselytizing, and engrain their doctrine deeper into their minds."
"People can be religious all they want, but it's good to remember that there is an overarching narrative that happens over and over again with cult mentalities." ~ throwaway85939584
"NTA. And religion isn't making your friend happier. It's making them judgmental and annoying. This is why the next generations are foregoing organized religion." ~ TumbleweedLoner
"NTA. She was forcing her beliefs on EVERYONE! This idea that it's her duty to preach will get her excluded from everything but her church."
"Maybe she needs a reminder about accepting everyone, leaving judgment to the Lord. Probably won't help, but it might be worth a try." ~ DrObnxs
Religious conversations should only occur with consent from all parties.
And if no one asks about your religion, they probably don't want to hear about it.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.