We all want to make a good impression with the parents of friends.
Sometimes, we go to great lengths to ensure they like us.
In extreme cases, these friends might give us advice, if not orders, regarding what to do to make sure we are on their parents’ good side.
The severity of these situations sometimes results in our questioning whether it’s even worth it to make a good impression on our friend’s parents.
Redditor waynekinnaird seemed to have a happy living situation with his two female roommates.
However, when the mother of one of these roommates was to pay a visit, she made a rather big request to the original poster (OP) to ensure her mother’s happiness.
A request the OP found completely out of line, and thus refused to oblige.
Wondering if he was unfair for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to leave my apartment for a day because of my muslim roommate’s conservative mom?”
The OP explained why his roommate wanted him out of the house for the day:
“So, I (23 M[ale]) live in a college apartment with 2 roommates, both of whom are women, and one of them is Muslim (let’s call her Sana).”
“We all get along pretty well and have lived together for over a year with no issues.”
“Yesterday, Sana told us her mom was visiting for the upcoming weekend.”
“For info, her mom is very conservative and religious, and apparently doesn’t approve of her daughter living with male roommates.”
“Awkward because I exist.”
“As a result, Sana asked if I could leave the apartment entirely for the day her mom was visiting.”
“Like, be out the whole day and even find somewhere else to sleep overnight.”
“I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that bc I had a major assignment due, and I focus best when I’m working from home.”
“I also didn’t wanna have to pack up all my stuff and go stay somewhere else just to keep up an appearance for someone I don’t even know.”
“Additionally, I pay equal rent and felt like I had a right to be in the apartment.”
“Still, to try and compromise, I offered to stay in my room the entire day and be quiet/ not come out at all on the condition that I’d at least be allowed to quickly come out to make lunch or dinner, or they could just bring food to my room so I wouldn’t starve.”
“I genuinely thought that was fair and respectful.”
“But no, Sana wasn’t happy with that and insisted I should be out of the apartment entirely.”
“She said her mom would ‘freak out’ if she found out a guy lived there and it would cause a lot of drama in her family.”
“I said while I understood her position, I wasn’t going to dip from my own home, especially with a big deadline hanging over me.”
“She’s still pissed and being pretty cold toward me now, and also vented to our other roommate, who stayed neutral and said she saw both sides.”
“I really wasn’t trying to be difficult or disrespectful.”
“I understand her cultural situation, but I also feel like it’s unfair to expect someone to completely vacate their home just to accommodate someone else’s family’s beliefs, especially when I tried to find a middle ground.”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was largely in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to vacate his apartment.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right, that as the apartment was every bit as much his as it was Sana’s, she had no right to force him out.
“NTA.”
“She moved in with a man, knowing this would most likely happen.”
“She should have moved in with all the women then.”
“Either she can put her big girl pants on and face the music with her mom, or she can move out.”-Briiiiiiyonce
“NTA.”
“Your roommate doesn’t want to deal with her parents, and the fact that she is lying to them, if only by omission, you are not responsible for her family dynamics.”
“It’s unreasonable to expect you to find somewhere else to stay so she can keep up appearances.”
“You staying in your room for an entire day is a good compromise.”- Mymziey
“NTA.”
“She doesn’t get to dictate when you have to leave your own home.”
“You tried to compromise, and that’s more than fair.”- calm_storm69
“NTA.”
“Sana is an adult and knows who her mother is and what she expects.”
“Sana chose this lifestyle, so Sana must deal with it.”
“I respect you for standing your ground.”- aqua_not_capri
“NTA.”
“She knew her parents wouldn’t approve and roomed with you anyway.”
“Yeah parents come visit their kids, she should have considered that.”
“I think your compromise was good.”
“You’re showing you respect her family’s beliefs but standing ground for yourself.”- Mediumish_Trashpanda
“NTA, it is your home and the compromise you offered is far more than fair.”
“Sana knew this would be an issue at some point.”
“She should have discussed it with you before ever becoming roommates and had a plan/agreement already in plsce.”- mm1palmer
“It sounds like she has never disclosed to her mother that she has a male roommate, so this is really entirely on her.”
“Ask her if she wants you out for the day/night, is she going to pay for a hotel room for you?”
“Because you are right, this is your home too, you pay rent there, and she should really come clean with her mother.”
“NTA.”- depressed_popoto
“NTA.”
“Sana chose to live with you and should have anticipated that someday her mom would visit or otherwise figure out her living situation.”
“It’s up to her to resolve this, and it is horribly unfair to expect you to vanish from your own home for a day and a night.”- Live_Pressure_5432
There were a few, however, who, although they agreed that the OP shouldn’t be forced out of his apartment, felt he might want to give Sana’s situation a bit more thought:
‘This is one of those things where Reddit is going to tell you you’re right, because technically you are, and that Sana is horrible for asking this of you.”
“In real life, though, if you cared about your roommate at all, you might have tried to consider her request.”
“For you, it’s the discomfort of one day and one assignment.”
“Your middle ground, for he still has the potential of blowing up her life.”
‘For you, it’s about fairness.”
“For her, she’s trying to break free from a very controlling upbringing without losing her family.”
“I had a few muslim girlfriends growing up.”
“At that age, the desire to break free from your parents while still wanting to earn their love is huge.”
“A friend or someone with a lot of compassion might be a little more willing to help her out.”
“So no, you aren’t an a**hole for declining her request.”
“I can see why she made it, though, and why she’s upset and no longer feels the need to be nice to you because in her eyes, you don’t care about her well-being.”
“I’m going with NAH.”
“Being a young woman with Muslim parents is f*cking hard to navigate.”- lavieboheme_
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a bit more about Sana’s situation, and what he eventually decided to do, particularly after reading the comments that urged him to see life from Sana’s perspective:
“Sana never chose to have male roommates, but it just so happened that she was practically bullied out of her old apartment (all female) for a conflict involving another girl and this was her last resort.”
“I will also be going home and asking a friend if I can stay over for a day.”
“For everyone concerned about whether I let it pass by now, that it will happen again and again, I will speak to Sana about this properly and urge her to talk to her mom.”
“Thank you for all the level-headed and empathetic comments I did get that helped me understand her perspective better, as I do care for her greatly and never want to hurt her if I can help it.”
“One day isn’t the end of the world, and if it helps her, I’ve realized I’d be happy to do it.”
Sana has clearly been through a lot, more than anyone truly deserves to go through.
Unfortunate as her first living situation is, if living with a male roommate was only going to add to her problems, then she should have given that far more. consideration than she did.
Hopefully, after the OP gives her this weekend during her mother’s visit, everyone can rationally come up with a clear path forward that will benefit everyone.