Most of us who are chronically online or at least plugged into the internet have seen the viral “Just Can’t Prove It” meme going around, featuring Erik King, looking concerned and angry at the wheel of his car.
For those curious, this meme is cut from a scene in Dexter in which King’s character, James Doakes, is convinced that Dexter is up to something, while there is no resounding proof and no one who believes his suspicions.
A real-life situation that many women could use this meme for is the number of romantic partners they’ve had who wished they were just a little too much like their mom.
From fashion to cooking to lifestyle choices, people often encourage their partners to behave like a mirror to one of their parents… even if their partner can’t prove it, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Key_Adagio_793 went with her boyfriend to his paternal grandmother’s funeral, where she got to meet a lot of his family and see how his family lived, including how hard his mother worked as a traditional stay-at-home mom.
When her boyfriend complimented his mom’s lifestyle and voiced his hopes that she would stay home more than work if they had kids someday, the Original Poster (OP) shut the idea down and told him to find a woman who wanted to be a stay-at-home mom instead of a career woman.
Realizing she hurt him, she asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for telling my boyfriend that I’m not going to be anything like his mom and that if he expects that, we should break up?”
The OP met a lot of her boyfriend’s family while attending a funeral with him.
“I am 24 (Female), and my boyfriend is 25 (Male). This past week, we flew to his hometown. His paternal grandma passed away, and we flew there to stay for four days.”
“I don’t actually have anything bad to say about his mom. She is very sweet, warm, and welcoming.”
“My boyfriend is the fifth of 13 children. The youngest is not even a year old yet.”
“His family home is huge and very clean, and everyone seemed great.”
The OP also got to see her boyfriend’s mother’s life as a traditional stay-at-home mom.
“The issue I have is that she is and has always been a SAHM. While we were there, she was constantly busy. She did everything.”
“She basically streamlined his dad’s life. He doesn’t have to do really anything at home. She cooks, she cleans, she looks after the children. She even does his laundry and irons everything.”
“His dad really didn’t do anything at all. Apparently, she even takes care of the yard and gardens. All he does is maintenance.”
“She also gets up before he does and makes his breakfast and lunch and gets everything ready for him, so all he has to do is grab it and go.”
“He said once the kids get old enough, they have their own chores and stuff, but she did a serious amount of work.”
“His dad owns some sort of contractor business. As soon as he walked in the door after work, there was food on the table, and no one was allowed to eat until his dad sat down and ate his first bite and told his mom it was good.”
“The meal she cooked was absolutely massive. There was enough food to feed an army; she was cooking most of the evening. It was very good, but holy crap, it was a lot.”
“I asked him if this was special because of the guests, but apparently she always cooks enough to feed an army. Lunch was pretty much whatever was in the refrigerator you wanted. Breakfast was also a massive meal, too; I have no idea what time she got up, but it was a big breakfast.”
“The family did at least clean everything up, so she didn’t have to clean, but holy crap, I do not envy her.”
The OP was alarmed when she heard her boyfriend’s opinions about his mom’s life.
“When we were on our way home, my boyfriend was talking about his family and basically saying how much he loved the way they live.”
“I told him I am absolutely not doing that at all. I don’t want to be a SAHM; I have a career I love.”
“I absolutely will not be streamlining his life. I expect a basically 50/50 lifestyle. I’m not doing everything for him.”
The OP set a firm boundary with her boyfriend, for better or for worse.
“He acted like he understood and said he didn’t expect me to be exactly like his mother, but he did expect me to be home more if we had children.”
“I basically told him if he wants a SAHM, we should break up, and he can find someone else who feels the same.”
“Now he is upset and basically told me he wanted some time. I haven’t heard from him since Monday. I’m not sure what to do. Maybe we’re not compatible.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it was acceptable to want a partnership.
“You know, it’s weird, I grew up in a family where my father worked a lot and my mom did most of the housework (outside of car s**t and lawn work), and I did not grow up thinking I needed a woman to do these things for me.”
“I grew up thinking she looked exhausted and that my dad could have chipped in more so that she wouldn’t be so tired. She wasn’t unhappy or anything; she just did everything and would apologize all the time for ‘being late’ and for things my dad just didn’t like.”
“I don’t want a partner to take care of me like some kind of grown manchild. I want a partner, and I want to take care of them as much as they take care of me, no matter who is earning the paycheck(s).” – Inevitable_Quiet_432
“Both of my parents worked outside of the home in high-stress jobs. My mom still ran the house, and my dad took care of yard work and basic maintenance.”
“Once we all got old enough for chores, her load lightened a little, but my dad pushed all the yard work onto us. I still remember him getting mad at all three of us kids because my mom was washing dishes after her complete hysterectomy, and she kept having to sit and rest. I just remember thinking that he hadn’t gotten up to help her, either.”
“Now that they are much older, my mom is done, and if he doesn’t help her, she leaves him to fend for himself.” – RegiB13
“I feel like it can really go either way when guys are raised in a house like that. I dated a guy whose mom did everything, and his dad never really helped.”
“My boyfriend wasn’t entitled at all, didn’t expect that from me, and was irritated with his dad for letting his mom work so hard while he didn’t do s**t. His brother was super entitled and unappreciative of all the work she did.” – RichCaterpillar991
“This was my exact concern when I got married. My husband had never lived outside his family home, and his mom did everything for the family. She absolutely doted on them.”
“My husband felt sorry for his mom and wished his dad would help more and encouraged me to be who I wanted and needed to be to be happy.” – That-Shop-6736
“One reason that I broke up with the guy I came closest to marrying is that he didn”t want to go into any details about how he saw child-rearing. I had the distinct feeling that if we got married, he thought he was going to sweet-talk me into changing my mind. Yeah, no thanks. NTA.” – NobodybutmyshadowRedd
Others agreed and understood the boundary that the OP had set.
“Both parents worked, and mom did EVERYTHING else. Father would just come home and go into his ‘office.’ My brother followed in his footsteps and refused to do any ‘womanly’ chores.”
“I vowed never to be my mother. I make it very clear in any relationship that I am not, nor will ever be, a trad wife. We are both adults and need to act like it.” – blueyedwineaux
“We gotta set the bar higher. I just read in October of 2025 someone saying that she and her husband have a partnership.”
“She does the inside stuff (laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc.), and he deals with her car. My car goes in for an oil change once a year. The lawns get mowed in 45 minutes twice a month until dormant, then not at all.”
“There’s no way I’m going to do all that plus meal planning and grocery shopping and call it a partnership.” – SnooCheesecake2723
“My partner grew up in a house like that. His dad got home from work and put up his feet, played with the kids; and his mom cooked and cleaned and parented and cleaned and cleaned.”
“I told him I wanted a partnership, and he told me he was totally on board; that’s what he wants.”
“And then we had kids. And it turns out, he thought a partnership means he works and earns most of the money, I do all the kid and house stuff, and if I ask him to do anything other than the fun stuff, I get instant resentment.”
“He’s now my ex. He has 50% custody, and he is doing some LEARNING, let me tell you.” – Past_Ad_5629
“I grew up with a stay-at-home mom, but my dad did tons of work. He came home for lunch from work every day to eat with her, but they would make it together.”
“He was the cook of the family; she can cook, but he enjoys it, so they made dinner together nearly every night. She did most of the cleaning, but he did at least half of the childcare when he was home.”
“They did yard work and stuff together. They mostly did whatever they could as a team and only split up stuff they had to because of time or skill (my mom doesn’t do power tools).”
“Some men are great, and some are not. There’s no one way for families to be, but there are ways to be a good person in all scenarios.” – ziptagg
“Both of my parents worked, but my dad absolutely pulled equal weight concerning chores and running the household. Dad did more cooking than Mom and had no issues mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, etc…”
“He did do all the maintenance on the house and the regular yard work, and in exchange, mom did laundry (no dryer, we hung clothes on a line; fun times!).”
“ALL of us kids pitched in and helped, boys and girls.”
“So imagine my surprise when my first serious boyfriend in college expected me to do everything, including cleaning up at his place when I was there. Of course, he never cleaned at mine.”
“His behavior was so far away from what I was used to from a man that we only lasted a few months, and I was like, ‘Nope, I am not putting up with this!'” – One_Ad_704
Though it was unfortunate that the relationship might have dissolved over the course of one conversation on the way home from a tragic event, it was better that the OP and her potentially-ex-boyfriend both knew where they stood on what they wanted in life.
If they really couldn’t cater to what the other person needed, it was best for them to part ways now so they oculd find the partners they truly wanted and needed.