Home security is a priority for many. Being vulnerable to the outside world in the dark of night does not lay the foundation for peaceful sleep.
The home security business is a billion-dollar industry.
So there are lots of ways to keep a home and its inhabitants safe.
Surprisingly, that can be an issue for some.
Redditor mkmatt1125 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not checking to see if my wife locks the door?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (34 M[ale]) had a brief time a few months ago where my wife (32 F[emale]) found our front door had been left unlocked overnight a couple of times (we were home).”
“She said this made her uncomfortable.”
“Who left it unlocked?”
“Who’s to say?”
“Maybe me.”
“I can own up to that.”
“So I started making a strong habit of making sure I always lock the door when I come in the house.”
“Even if I’m going to be going back outside quickly.”
“Problem solved, right?”
“Well, fast forward to now, and all of a sudden, my wife comes to me and says ‘What can we do to make sure you check to see if the door is locked at the end of the night?'”
“‘This is like three times now that I’ve brought it up. I go to bed before you, so it should be your responsibility.’”
“Now, I know she was the last one home yesterday.”
“Neither of us left the house after she got home.”
“So she left the door unlocked last night and is mad at me for not checking behind her.”
“I explained my perspective, and the change in habit I had made.”
“But she keeps on saying that since I am usually the last one awake, I should be checking the door, and is now being terse/short with me.”
“I can see the logic to both our rationales, but am I being unreasonable to think she’s being a touch ridiculous about this?”
“She left the door unlocked, didn’t say that she did, and got mad at me for not checking behind her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole, but there was strong ESH energy as well.
“NTA. The last person up should check the door.”
“I hate it when I’m already sitting and my spouse plops down and asks me to turn off the light, that they walked right by.”
“From a practical standpoint, see about getting a small webcam pointed just at the door lock.”
“You can check from your phone to see if it’s in the lock position without leaving bed.”
“it may seem like overkill but it beats getting out from under warm blankets.” ~ verminiusrex
“She needs to learn to check the door too.”
“This happened to us a few times, and I would never get mad at my SO because it was my fault, too.”
“We decided to get electronic locks because they can be set to lock automatically after 5 minutes.”
“Still check it to be sure it works.”
“So now it’s a triple check, the lock checks after 5 mins, and we both check.”
“NTA… but just not being safe even for yourself.” ~ Human_Type001
“I don’t think you’re an a**hole, but whoever is up last should do the final check.”
“There’s always a chance someone could have stepped outside for some reason after both of you got home from work.”
“You should both make a concerted effort to lock the door when you come in, but if you’re the last person up, is it really that hard to take 90 seconds to make sure doors and windows are locked up?”
“I’m assuming you don’t live in a mansion where there are numerous entrances to the property.”
“Check the front door, and back door, make sure the garage is closed and windows shut.”
“Easy peasy.” ~ Kasparian
“I think it’s easier than that.”
“Assuming ye both would prefer door is locked at night ye both make sure door is locked on way to bed.”
“Issue only arises if the last one to go opens after 1st goes to bed and forgets to lock again.”
“So both are 100% responsible. Easy!” ~ spokenwords1
“Exactly! Both people should check to see if the door is locked when they go up to bed.”
“That way, it’s unlikely they’ll both forget.” ~ chicagoliz
“If the OP’s goal is to be right about who should make sure the door is locked at bedtime, then OP is the AH.”
“Still leaves the possibility for ESH, though, depending on how the wife is acting.”
“My parents could make Marie and Frank Barone blush but even they’ve figured out how to not argue over who’s responsible for the door 😅.”
“My solution in my own house is that the doors are always locked.”
“That way, we don’t have to remember to lock them.”
“Also, pragmatically, if I don’t want somebody to break in while I’m sleeping, I’d also like them to not break in while I’m awake.”
“Likewise, if I don’t want someone to break in while I’m not home, I’d like them to also not break in while I’m home.”
“But mostly it’s just easier to not have to remember to do it.”
“Paranoid? Nah. Just lazy.” ~ 338wildcat
“Came here to say this, exactly!”
“ALSO… I’m an independent, strong, confident woman who has successfully raised three kids… I can handle a household on my own.”
“However, if I had a partner who made a point of doing these rounds as his going-to-bed routine, I would welcome the effort he goes to nightly to keep us safe and secure.”
“In my opinion, she’s asking you to demonstrate that simple act… seems like this is not the hill to die on.”
“Wouldn’t it be an easy contribution to what she’s asking?” ~ Longjumping-Code7908
“It’s the ‘this is the third time I’ve brought it up’ and her getting mad about it that’s the problem.”
“Especially since SHE, the one SO concerned about the issue is the one who left it unlocked.” ~ Annual-Ad-7452
“This. Of course, it makes sense for the last person going to bed to make sure the home is secure.”
“But there are many benefits to the partner checking too.”
“Peace of mind, if they wake during the night and wonder/worry.”
“Security, in case the person still downstairs falls asleep, forgets to check before going to bed, nips to the toilet, or is simply distracted enough by what they are doing they can’t hear anyone opening the unlocked door.”
“Habit forming, in case the person normally first to bed happens to be the last person up one night or their partner not home (on a trip etc).” ~ Ok-Status-9627
“Whoever’s last to bed should make sure the door is locked.”
“No one is the a**hole here.”
“But as a woman, I’m really paranoid about it and sometimes (always) like someone else to confirm the door is indeed locked.”
“So maybe she just wants to feel safe and have you confirm she is safe.” ~ Marie_K_
“NTA, our house is always locked, every time we enter or leave, it’s locked.”
“Both parties are responsible.”
“Take care of your own actions.”
“I’m sure there are other circumstances that she doesn’t take responsibility.”
“My wife knows when she forgets.”
‘She’s left and not locked or latched doors.”
“It’s unacceptable.”
“Pay attention and protect your assets.’
“We had some druggy show up on our property trying to enter.”
“If it wasn’t locked, who knows what could’ve happened?”
“My cameras caught him swaying and talking nonsense.”
“Her negligence can be costly.” ~ Bubbly8136
“Same. My front door is always locked, I don’t check it before bed, ever.”
“I don’t need to, I lock it as soon as I shut it.”
“Why waste time double-checking something I know is done?”
“Now I do always check my back door before going up to sleep.”
“Letting the dog in and out throughout the day, I never know if I locked it in between or what.”
“But with a privacy fence and a large and loud German Shepherd, I’m genuinely not worried.”
‘My last roommate always checked all the doors before going to bed.”
“I didn’t know she had been doing this until I saw her open the door to the entryway and check the handles.”
“Me: What was that?”
“Her: Just making sure the door is locked.”
“Me: oh you don’t lock it when you come in?”
“Her: I do, just double checking before I turn in.”
“Me: Ok, you do this every night?”
“Her: Yup. Me: has it ever been unlocked before?”
“Her: Nope.”
“Me: Alright just making sure 🤔.”
“If checking gives his wife peace of mind, then she should be doing the checking.”
“My roommate knew both of us locked the doors as soon as it shut but would check it before bed to ease her mind. NTA.” ~ shnazy_pants
“I don’t think you’re an a**hole (NTA).”
“But I’m also the last one to bed in my house, so I made it my responsibility to check the locks on the doors to make sure everything is locked up.”
“It’s not a big deal, and someone SHOULD make that their primary responsibility each night before bed so everyone is safe and sound.” ~ TheSciFiGuy80
“No one ever checks to see if the doors are locked before going to bed here because we each lock the door after we come in.”
“We all know the possibility of leaving it unlocked, so we all lock the door when we come in.”
“Next person uses a key to get in and LOCKS the door behind them.”
“Even with bags in hand, shift and lock the door.”
“This business of you were the last one up is crazy work.”
“You sat through dinner, watching TV, and now ready for bed and need to check?”
“Lock the door when you close it.” ~ truthsetter24
“In our house, I’m the one who is worried about doors being locked, especially before bed.”
“My husband couldn’t care less.”
“Since it’s more my concern than his, I feel like it makes sense that I’m the one who checks.”
“He does plenty of other things that I’m not concerned about.” ~ ChapterFrosty3442
“NTA. I watched my dad always check the doors before going to bed growing up, so it’s a habit that got passed on to me.”
“That said, your wife is looking for a reason to make you responsible for her laziness.”
“Don’t take the bait.” ~WarpedHumorIsTheBest
“NTA… you wouldn’t have to check if she had remembered to lock the door and even that should be a shared responsibility.”
“It doesn’t matter who goes to bed first unless you want to actually keep it unlocked while you’re awake for some reason.” ~ mukkiey
“NTA. It’s both of your responsibility to (a) lock the door when you get in and (b) check before bed.”
“You have already made the adjustment to lock it whenever you get in.”
“Your wife needs to do the same, especially if it’s bothering her.”
“Yes you should be checking before bed as well, but your wife is wrong for demanding this is solely your responsibility.”
“It should be both of you.”
“Going forward, the discussion should be that yes, you will make an effort to check before bed, but so will your wife, and she also needs to step up and take accountability for locking when she gets in.” ~ weirdbean
“ESH. You’re wife should be locking the door after she comes in.”
“You, as the last one going to bed, should be doing a final check.” ~ nonchalantenigma
“Your argument reminds me of my siblings, and we’d argue about who should close the gate… when we were 12. 🙄”
“People do forget to do these things, and it’s great to have a partner who’s got your back in such instances.”
“I’m assuming you both have an equal interest in not getting murdered/robbed in your sleep, so in the interest of your safety, just do a check before going to bed.”
“It doesn’t matter who locked/who forgot/whose turn it is.”
“The intruder won’t care.” ~ PrimaryHyena4338
“NAH, I NEVER locked my backdoor… a single woman, for 5 years, my boyfriend found out, and he gave me s**t.”
“I corrected the habit and now I unlock it every time I open it to let the dog out and lock it back up when she is done.”
“A little more work, but to be honest l, everytime i lock the door now, it makes me feel safer.”
“Stupid that it took me this long.” ~ grumpykixdopey
“NTA, but in my opinion the last one to go to bed should do the rounds of checking the door, the windows, and any other things that shouldn’t be going on while you’re sleeping (i.e. candles, TVs, last-minute kitchen checks).”
“It’s a shutdown procedure, and the last person awake should do it.”
“In my house, it’s usually me, and I can’t sleep unless I know everything is the way it’s supposed to be.” ~ Mindless_Baseball426
“I think you both need to be responsible for checking all of the locks before bed.”
“It is a habit that will serve you both.”
“What if you are out of town?”
“Will she remember to lock it then?”
“She doesn’t get to not lock it and then blame you, but you can also honor her request and check it before you go to bed so that she knows not only that she’s safe during the night, but that you care enough to be sure she’s safe.” ~ Catherrington5
“It’s normal for the last person to go to bed to check the locks on all the doors and windows for safety reasons.”
“That being said I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve accidentally left a key in my door all night.”
“I think the best solution is a Wi-Fi lock of some sort.”
“People can always check their phone and there’s a way to program some of them to ensure they lock immediately.”
“Problem solved.” ~ HarleySpicedLatte
“NTA, she’s the one with the problem (both with locking the door and with the door being left unlocked), so she’s the one that needs to check the locks before she goes to bed.” ~ SpiteWestern6739
“Been married 20+ years.”
“My wife grew up in the country.”
“They didn’t lock their doors back then.”
“Early in our marriage, I noticed she would fail to lock the doors”
“I check the door every night before I go to my bed.”
“I make it my job.”
“You don’t have to check the door.”
“If you want to verify it’s locked, you do.” ~ jfeo1988
“NTA, but for the future, whoever goes to bed last should be checking to make sure the house is locked up and lights are off for the night.” ~ deadthreaddesigns
Reddit wants you both to be safe, OP.
That is the main objective.
Who cares who locks the doors?
As long as they’re locked.
Maybe you both should set nightly alarms to remind everybody.