Men have a bit of a reputation when it comes to illness. Whether it’s deserved or not, the common complaint is men turn into toddlers when they’re even slightly ill.
A 27-year-old woman had an admittedly petty response to her 26-year-old fiancé’s behavior while he was sick. When her actions were unappreciated, she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor piggymills asked:
“AITA for putting my fiancé’s food in a child’s bowl?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Just for some context, when my fiancé(26m) is well he is 10000% the best fiancé ever. He does more than his fair share of household chores and child raising.”
“He’s great and we love each other to bits. I just have one little niggle.”
“He frequently is ill with coughs, colds, migraines etc… and obviously he’s out of action for that, which is fine, he’s ill. So, I then do 100% of the child raising and housework.”
“And with 2 toddlers in lockdown it is quite a lot. But when he’s ill he turns into the most pathetic baby I’ve ever met and it drives me up the wall.”
“I had sepsis after our last baby was born and didn’t even make this much of a fuss.”
“We both had strep throat last year. Guess who got to stay in bed and who looked after the kids?”
The OP shared the latest episode.
“He’s been in bed for 5 days and he texted me saying he needed help. I thought maybe he’d been sick or sh*t himself or something so I went in to see what was wrong and he asked me just to Google his symptoms.”
“He’s had a negative pandemic virus test result.”
“A cold. He has a cold.”
“I’m more than happy to make and bring him meals, drinks, medicine, cold cloths whatever but I really don’t have the time or the emotional capacity to baby him. Like dude Google your own cold.”
“I speak to him after every time he’s ill that while I will meet his basic needs whilst he’s sick, I have 2 little people that I have to meet their every need.”
“He agrees with me every time that he’s dramatic when he’s ill but pulls the same thing the next time.”
“And today he called me upstairs to request I cut up his dinner. Yes. A grown man wants me to cut up his dinner for him.”
“I asked him to repeat it several times and before I left the room. So I went down stairs, cut up his dinner, put it in a plastic kid’s bowl and gave him plastic kid’s cutlery and gave it to him like that.”
“When I gave it to him he said ‘what’s this’ And I said ‘your dinner, cut up like you asked’.”
“He was clearly annoyed saying I was an AH and he was ill and just wanted some extra special effort. I said if he was gonna act like a baby I’d treat him like a baby.”
“I have enough going on and while I’m more than happy to meet his needs I can’t mother him or pander to his every whim. He’s more than capable of cutting up his own damn food in my opinion.
“What do you reckon?”
“Was that an AH move? Or just a little petty like I intended.”
“His mother has legit tried to cut up his food at a restaurant before so she would probably tell me I should be doing that.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. When an ex acted like this it always made me wonder how he would deal with a period. I’m about 99% sure he’d think his organs were shutting down.” ~ BandNervous
“It’s petty but I love it.”
“NTA. He HAS to know he’s being ridiculous, right?”
“Is he really that self-absorbed? ‘Babe, I’m sick, can you Google my symptoms? I texted you to come up here when I could have used that energy to type into my phone, but I need the extra support’.”
“I’m literally so annoyed right now and I’m not even with this guy.” ~ loloannd
“NTA. It’s ridiculous for him to want to be babied in the first place. Especially when you have actual babies to care for.”
“I’m assuming he doesn’t return the favour when you’re sick ?” ~ Doggymama1234
The OP responded:
“He has got better recently, but I’m rarely sick compared to him.”
“One time that sticks in my memory in times like this is when I had a stomach bug when I was pregnant with our second child and I was crying and begged him to stay home to look after our eldest.”
“He just said he had to go in because they needed him. He’s a chef.”
Redditors weren’t very sympathetic to the OP’s significant other.
“Hahahahhahhahahha… seriously the child’s cutlery was the best part. I can’t stop laughing.”
“I’m going with NTA because this was amazing.” ~ AnotaCocktail
“NTA. If I—a 25-year-old man—am being honest here, I’m a total f’king whiner when I’m sick, but I do NOT ask or expect my wife to take care of everything.”
“Now I won’t touch our baby so she doesn’t get sick too, but I get out of bed and get my own sh*t.”
“If I’m sick enough where I can’t get out of bed then I should probably see a doctor.”
“If my wife gave me food in a plastic dish like that I would have laughed myself to tears and fessed up to being a bit too whiny.” ~ jkos95
“Right??? I’m a hideous bitch beast when I feel like sh*t.”
“Do you know what I do? I keep to myself 95% of the time and ask for help when I physically cannot do something.”
“Even if it’s something as predictable as hideous cramps, I might ask for a little extra help if I’m in too much pain, but I know how irritable and ungrateful I can be when I’m at my worst and I’m not about to unduly subject my husband to that!”
“If I got plastic kiddie dishes I would do my ‘I’m pissed but I’m trying not to laugh’ face and grumpily eat my meal that someone else has lovingly cooked and delivered to me!” ~ DoctorWhich
Being sick isn’t fun.
But being at the beck and call of a demanding partner who is not really bedridden while trying to care for multiple children is no picnic either.
Relationships should be partnerships where there’s give and take, not just take and take.