Costume parties can be a whole lot of fun.
Lots of people love to play dress-up.
That’s why Halloween is such a massively popular holiday.
But sometimes, certain costume requests can be seen as off-putting.
And that can cause a bit of a rift between partygoers.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to wear a skimpy maid outfit to an ‘exclusive’ party my friend got invited to?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (22 F[emale]) live with my friend (22 F), and she recently met a guy at a beach party.”
“She’s pretty much obsessed with him because he comes from a well-known, well-off family in the area and has a certain level of status associated with him.”
“She told me they were ‘sort of’ dating, and obviously, I’ve been supportive throughout it all as a friend.”
“However, I’ve met him a few times and I don’t exactly hold favorable opinions of him.”
“I didn’t tell my friend because I wasn’t fully sure of my views yet, and I didn’t want to be negative.”
“Anyway he’s throwing a party soon and invited my friend, he asked her to bring me along too.”
“He said it was a themed party and that everyone would be assigned a character/style to wear.”
“He sent my friend a picture of our outfits: two skimpy as-hell maid costumes sprawled on a bed.”
“I immediately told her that I wouldn’t be wearing that s**t and especially not to a party with a bunch of strangers.”
“Initially she thought I was kidding but then understood that I was serious.”
“She said that wearing these fits isn’t a big deal at all and that I need to stop being so ‘prudish and serious.'”
“I told her that it is VERY humiliating that this guy thinks it’s perfectly fine to request two women to wear that to his party (like you’re seriously asking two girls who are clearly not as rich as you to dress up as MAIDS to your party???)”
“I asked her if she seriously sees nothing wrong with it, and she said no.”
“She explained that he just has a weird taste and that it might be a weird rich people thing.”
“I told her again that I will not be wearing some skimpy a** maid costume.”
“Not only is it embarrassing, it is especially disrespectful to me because I don’t have any sort of meaningful relationship with the guy and yet he thought it’s appropriate to include me in this request.”
“I told her that I won’t be wearing the clothes, won’t be going to the party, and will from now on avoid her new B[oy]F[riend] altogether.”
“We had a massive argument and she said that I’m lame, boring, and not a supportive friend.”
“She said that instead of helping her, I’m ruining everything and being a killjoy.”
“When she went back to the guy and told him that I was refusing to participate, he even asked her if getting paid for it would change my mind.”
“That made it even WORSE!”
“Apparently he told her that I have the right attitude (which makes no sense as I’ve been combative all this time) and that his friends would love to get to know me.”
“The f**k???”
“I’m just getting angry typing this”
“I was pretty upset and told my dad about the situation.”
“The party is tomorrow night and my friend decided to go alone, and she’s not really talking to me right now.”
“Am I really the a**hole? Or is she?”
“I feel strangely very guilty even though I’m standing up for my boundaries.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA at all.”
“Be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself.”
“This was a bats**t crazy request.”
“I’m honestly concerned for your friend.”
“She is not dating this guy.”
“Maybe she thinks she is but this sounds more like he’s taking advantage of her and possibly will be offering her to his friends.”
“At the very least he is setting her up to be a piece of meat at this party.”
“No well-known dude from a wealthy family would do this to his girlfriend unless he was some kind of messed up sadist or something.”
“He sees her as nothing but a hook-up and something to be possibly shared.”
“This is super creepy.”
“And the fact that he felt comfortable including you makes it even worse.”
“It’s also possible your friend suggested this and possibly offered you.”
“This is a huge red flag.”
“Your friend either was in on this and is now mad because you made her look bad.”
“Or she is in for a nasty surprise.” ~ accidentallywitchy
“I think the friend really wanted OP to go because she herself felt something was wrong, and that would make it better.”
“But this isn’t going to stop her from going anyways.”
“And she’s 100% going to regret going.”
“OP needs to sit down with her and explain to her that he’s merely treating her as an object.” ~ Huxley_The_Third
“‘According to my friend.'”
“From everything you’ve written, your friend is being coached by this dude, and she is drinking all of the Kool-Aid he is handing her.”
“She is literally giving you all of the manipulative excuses that guys say to women.”
“You’re frigid. “
“You’re a prude.”
“You’re probably a virgin.”
“You just hate men.”
“You’re just an angry feminist.”
“You’re just a Debbie Downer.”
“You’re a party pooper.”
“You’re lame. You’re boring.”
“No men probably want you.”
“You’re probably just too fat/ugly.”
“I’ve gotten all of these by both manipulative exes and by women with internalized misogyny who have been brainwashed by their manipulative boyfriends.”
“It doesn’t matter what the opinion of toxic people toward you is.”
“Ignore the name-calling.”
“They throw out ad hominems to try to justify their own toxicity or lack of self-respect.”
“Their opinions of you as a person are worth less than nothing.” ~ Stabby_77
“I know your friend is angry with you, but could you convince her to check in with you a few times during the party?”
“Just a few quick texts to make sure she’s ok.”
“This whole situation is so gross and sketchy.”
“NTA of course.”
“I hope nothing happens to your friend.” ~ Shes_Crafty_4301
“Honestly, the friend is the AH for trying to guilt OP into wearing something they aren’t comfortable wearing and calling them lame, prudish, and boring when they refused to do so.”
“OP, be proud of yourself for not letting someone talk you into something you don’t want to do/aren’t comfortable with.”
“This is a healthy boundary that your friend is not respecting.”
“But, even with your friend’s poor behavior in mind, it might be prudent not to make plans for yourself during the party and let her know if she needs an emergency ride home, you’ll be available.”
“Be matter of fact and nonjudgmental.”
“I am very worried about what this ‘boyfriend’ and his friends plan to do with a ‘maid’ who they would like to be combative and feel could be bought.” ~ ProgrammerLevel2829
“NTA. There is a 98% chance that this is a sex party, and he was hoping you two would be the entertainment.”
“The other 2% is that it is not a sex party, but you two would still be the entertainment.” ~ Its_Big_Fungus
“The comment about her having the right attitude and how his friends would love her is what made me think this.”
“If he’s really gonna do it, then he wants someone who’s gonna fight them and give them the power trip they’re looking for.”
“This is scary as hell.”
“I would cut this friend off immediately for not supporting the boundary you’ve set and disregarding your feeling of not feeling comfortable or safe in that environment.”
“OP, NTA.” ~ BatsItsFreakinBats
“You’re not the a**hole.”
“You set a clear boundary, and it’s totally reasonable not to want to wear something that makes you uncomfortable, especially in a situation that feels disrespectful.”
“Your friend is putting this guy’s approval above your comfort, which isn’t fair to you.”
“Trust your gut, and don’t feel guilty for standing up for yourself.” ~ KendallKismet
“NTA. Clearly, the guy’s entitled, and your friend has love goggles on, but big congrats to you and your dad for having such a great relationship.”
“He raised you with a healthy sense of self-respect and it’s awesome you can talk to him about things like this.”
“Well done!” ~ Speckster1970
“NTA, and honestly, I would be scared to go to that party.”
“How old is this guy?”
“He offered to PAY you??”
“Is she sure this isn’t like an orgy-type thing… where the participants may or may not be willing???”
“She should absolutely not go.” ~ faxmachine13
“NTA. This is creepy on so many levels.”
“First, the classism – expecting not-wealthy partygoers to wear maid costumes.”
“Second – the sexism.”
“Your friend is being totally objectified and possibly worse.”
“They are not dating, and there are no long-term prospects for this ‘relationship.'”
“I shudder to think what is actually going to happen at this party.” ~ Background-Purple844
“NTA. In no way, shape, or form are you the AH?”
“Neither is she; however, she needs more self-respect, self-love, and dignity.”
“It is sad that she is blind to what is happening.”
“Good for you for having morals and the courage to stand by your convictions.”
“As a father, I am proud of you, and I am sure your father as well.” ~ RP2020-19
“NTA, by a long shot.”
“Seems like your friend is willing to put herself in humiliating circumstances so she can maintain the guy’s interest.”
“Kudos for not letting yourself get dragged into it.”
“I must know- what did your dad say?” ~ Forsaken-Form7221
“NTA. ‘Sort of dating’ means hooking up, and he’s not serious about her.”
“If he’s buying skimpy outfits for girls to wear, it sounds like he views women as objects to dress and lust over.”
“Good for you for realizing this for the red flag it is and not going!!”
“I hope your friend will be okay.”
“Some people have to learn lessons the hard way, but I hope it’s not so hard it breaks her.”
“She might even call you to come get her if it goes south faster than she thought it would.”
“Try not to say I told you so if that happens, and get her out if she asks for help.”
“If she accepts what’s going on and ends up falling deeper into that crowd, you might just have to go your separate ways.” ~ TopProfessional1862
Reddit is in your corner, OP.
This all sounds very sketchy.
Your friend should be super careful.
You did nothing wrong.
Stick to your guns.
Hopefully, she’ll come around.