I’ve been to only one wedding where I actively disliked the bride or groom. I only attended after the groom—whom I liked—asked me to please attend.
And no one at that wedding was particularly fond of the bride with the exception of maybe her father.
It would have been entirely reasonable for the groom to request everyone who disliked his soon-to-be wife not attend their big day. But I think even he knew it would be an empty church if he did.
A bride who doesn’t want someone who constantly insults the groom at her wedding turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Lanky-Client-3036 asked:
“AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of her comments about my fiancé’s job?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My (28, female) fiancé, Alex (30, male), and I are getting married in a few months. We’ve been together for five years, and he’s the love of my life.”
“Alex is a talented artist who works as a freelance illustrator. He doesn’t make a ton of money, but he’s passionate about what he does, and I support him fully.”
“My sister, Emily (32, female), has always had a more traditional outlook on careers. She works in finance and has been quite successful.”
“Over the years, she’s made several snide comments about Alex’s job, calling it a ‘hobby’ and implying that he’s not ambitious enough. I usually let it slide because I know how she is, but it hurts both of us.”
“A few weeks ago, during a family dinner, Emily made a particularly harsh comment. She said, ‘I can’t believe you’re marrying a starving artist. Are you sure you want to spend your life supporting someone who can’t even afford to buy you nice things?’.”
“Alex was visibly upset, and I was furious. I told Emily that her comments were out of line and that she needed to respect our relationship.”
“She shrugged it off as a joke, but I didn’t find it funny at all. After that, I started to reconsider inviting Emily to our wedding.”
“I don’t want any negativity on our special day, and I know she’ll probably say something rude or judgmental. So, I decided not to invite her.”
“When Emily found out, she was livid. She accused me of overreacting and said that I was choosing a man over my own sister.”
“My parents are upset too and think I’m being too harsh, but they don’t understand how hurtful her words have been. Now I’m wondering if I went too far.”
“So AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because of her comments about my fiancé’s job?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I basically barred my sister from being invited to my wedding.”
“People assume that I barred her from my wedding because of my personal enmity which I accept is also true—ever since we were children we didn’t get along well.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. I absolutely agree she will find a way to ruin your big day. If you addressed this issue with her previously, that should have been the end of it and she should have apologized to all present for her rude comment.”
“I am also bothered that your family has never called her out for these comments. Instead, they defend them. I almost think you should disinvite them too.”
“Tell sis you only get married once and you are not going to risk her acting out. And even SEEING her would sour your mood. End of conversation. Done and dusted.” ~ Jamison945
“NTA. Clearly she doesn’t respect your future husband for the choices he makes, so why should she have any right to be there celebrating your love?”
“‘She shrugged it off as a joke, but I didn’t find it funny at all’. Ask her to explain the joke. Ask her to explain exactly what about what she said is funny.” ~ DutchDaddy85
“‘Explain the joke to me and Alex and make us laugh because we’re not getting the joke. We really want to understand the joke so explain it to us like we’re 5’.”
“If she can’t then the disinvite stands.” ~ Questn4Lyfe
“I’ve said this so many times but the point of a wedding is to be surrounded by people who SUPPORT you. NTA.”
“Your sister clearly doesn’t and doesn’t deserve to be at the wedding, even as a guest. The parents need to back off and let you deal with this your way.” ~ GullibleNerd88
“Yup, why would sis even want to attend if she doesn’t support the marriage? Other than to have a new audience for her snotty comments. NTA, OP.” ~ Pspaughtamus
“It seems that there are many people who don’t know what a joke is. It’s not the same as a personal attack or bullying. It’s also not a get out of jail free card.”
“I’ve seen a lot of people suggest asking the ‘jokester’ to explain the joke every time they make nasty remarks and claim that it’s humor. I don’t know if that works, but you’re NTA for wanting to avoid her toxicity on your special day.” ~ choppedliver65
“She said it herself. You ‘chose’ him. You didn’t choose her. NTA.” ~ Scheming_Deming
“It’s why people get married even. They’re choosing to spend their lives together.
“OP’s sister is acting like it’s a terrible thing when it’s quite the opposite. What’s bad is when someone marries, then repeatedly chooses family or friends over their spouse.”
“Ironically, if I’m reading what OP put right, she’s never had a good relationship with her sister. There’s no reason to think OP would choose her sister over her fiancé.”
“I wonder if the sister has not had good romantic relationships and is jealous. Or maybe she’s just mean and will say things to needle people just because she can.” ~ hard_tyrant_dinosaur
“NTA. How about: ‘Well, given I am marrying a starving artist, we decided to cut the wedding size and started with the people who don’t support me and the love of my life. I am sure you understand from a financial standpoint’.” ~ Velma88
“You invite people to your wedding who are there to support your union and witness your vows as you start your married life. There’s no obligation to invite anyone else. NTA.” ~ _Indiana_J0nes_
“I came in here expecting to go the other way, but NTA. You’re totally right, she would be saying this sh*t at your wedding. To other guests. Nope.” ~ Miserable_Dentist_70
“NTA. She clearly has no respect for your fiancé or you, I wouldn’t invite her either.”
“However, you shouldn’t EVER have been just letting this go. You should have stood up for your fiancé and put a stop to it from the beginning.” ~ Kutleki
“NTA. I’d have the following conversation with your sister and parents:”
“What you said was hurtful, but you say it was a joke, so what was the joke?”
“If it was a joke, it wasn’t funny and when I told you it upset me, and my fiancé, you didn’t apologize, which is rude.”
“You have made comments before, so I don’t see how what you said was a joke, and you refused to stop and now said really hurtful things TO my fiancé, not just to me.”
“You shrugged it off, and now only care that what you said was hurtful because there are consequences.”
“Even now, you aren’t sorry, and don’t even understand what you did wrong, and are framing it as me choosing a man over you. I’m not choosing a man OVER you, I am choosing not to involve you in MY special day because you either can’t control what you say or don’t care that what you say is hurtful, and either way, I don’t want that kind of negativity at my wedding.”
“Then, let your sister and parents respond, realizing that you can’t control them, you can only control your response. YOU aren’t making a big deal about this, if it was a joke, she should be fine to apologize and agree to never say something like that again.”
“If she meant what she said and wants to stand by it, well then of course she shouldn’t be at your wedding if she thinks you are making a mistake.”
“Either way, go forward and have a great wedding, without your sister.” ~ mfruitfly
“NTA because her comment was very rude and demeaning. And I noticed that she did not apologize. And yes you are choosing a man over her.”
“BUT it seems to me that it may have been better to say something sooner. If you did and she did keep insulting him, then uninvite.”
“That way your family would have no reason to hassle you about univiting her which is going to be stressful to you as well.” ~ hikergirl26
“You are choosing a man over your family? Of course you are! That is what marriage is all about.”
“Your husband will become your first priority. That is as it should be. If your sister doesn’t see that, then she is sadly mistaken about the concept of marriage. NTA.” ~ Pretend_Green9127
While the OP may not be getting support from her family, Reddit has her back.
If her sister doesn’t like or respect the groom, why does she even want to attend?