As individuals, we each have our own comfort levels with varying needs for security.
What might worry some people simply won’t cross the minds of others, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Due to living in a safer neighborhood, Redditor Unimprester didn’t see any issue with leaving their garage door unlocked while going for a walk each day.
But when their husband demanded the door be locked, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they weren’t being cautious enough or if their husband was being overly anxious.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving the garage door unlocked for 30 minutes while I take a walk in the morning?”
The OP’s husband wanted them to lock up when they left the house.
“Guys. My husband thinks it’s extremely risky to leave the house unlocked while I go out for my morning walk.”
“He will basically scold me if he comes home and finds out it’s unlocked and I’ve been gone (no screaming or fighting or anything but just… being annoyed with me).”
But the OP didn’t see what the big deal was.
“Now, I know it’s unlocked, but I just don’t think it’s worth the effort to go into the garage, wait 2 minutes for the light to go on, put on shoes because the floor is dirty, lock the door, walk back, take shoes off, go to the front door, and put shoes back on, all for me being gone for half an hour in broad daylight.”
“We live in a very safe neighborhood, on a cul-de-sac with mostly retired people around, so there’s no traffic, no cars, or bikes, not even pedestrians.”
“Of course, if we were robbed, the insurance wouldn’t cover it if there were no traces of a break-in.”
The OP was more concerned about their husband’s anxiety.
“I just feel like his anxiety isn’t justified and I don’t want to take over his worry and anxiety.”
“I want to (and do) feel safe in my home without constantly worrying about every way a person could break in.”
“Give it to me straight, guys, is he worried about nothing, or am I being lax with our security?”
The OP explained in a comment what the issue with the garage lock actually was.
“That’s kind of the deal, he usually locks the door unless he’s in a hurry. We really need to fix it so it’s not such a hassle, lol (laughing out loud).”
“Iit’s one of those weird locks that kind of look like a bike lock on, on a rolling garage door? I don’t know how to explain it. And I have not a clue on how to replace it, it has a lot of moving parts.”
“It is a really dumb problem, and I feel like this exploded a bit beyond proportion. I just needed a bit of feedback. I guess I got what I bargained for!”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that there were more dangers than the OP was considering.
“Although OP lives in a safe neighborhood, not all crimes are committed by residents of said neighborhood. Many people will travel to areas like this because they know they’ll find easy targets: unlocked homes and cars.” – Major_Zucchini351
“I grew up in a really nice neighborhood, on a dead-end, and my mother had her wallet stolen by someone strolling through who saw our back door open.”
“YWBTA (You Would Be the A**hole) if you keep ignoring your hubby.” – Accurate_Quote_7109
“Well, the thing about being poor is, why would you steal from someone who is also poor and has what you have or less? They do go to nicer neighborhoods because they are more trusting, have less police service due to low crime rates, have lots of valuables, and aren’t home during the day because of work.”
“In a lower-income community, if you actually have nice things, you know to protect them, police are everywhere looking, a lot of people are home on disability, out of work or are SAHMs (Stay-at-Home Moms) because childcare is too expensive. There are a lot more risks in lower-income neighborhoods.”
“I used to do door-to-door sales and it’s more common than not for people in multi-million dollar homes to be like, ‘Nah I don’t need security, it’s a safe area and I have nothing of value to steal (as they walk out with iPhones, watches, Macs, have jaguars and Mercedes, 80” TVs and to be honest, their front doors cost more than what I have made in the year before).” – UnusualApple434
“We lived in a middle-class neighborhood (though we were definitely not middle class), never experienced or heard much about crime, and didn’t even have an alarm system.”
“Then one day my mom was attacked by two men in an attempted hijack, she was stabbed in the thigh when she started kicking at them, and they attempted to stab her in the chest, but her wallet (in her jacket’s breast pocket) stuffed with till slips saved her life.”
“It was 12 PM on a Saturday. All our neighbors were home, they even went after the guys in their getaway car.”
“Luckily our car had a gear lock, so they couldn’t get away with the car. Our car was a black VW V8 Jetta, it was assumed by police that they have been casing us, tracking my mom’s routines and that they wanted the car for crime purposes since it was a black and fast car (I believe at the time there was a large syndicate going around stealing cars that were used to commit other crimes).”
“It changed the way we viewed the world and crime, I was like 11 and saw the guys charging my mom through the window, and stupidly ran after our dad when he ran out the back to go help her.”
“We got an alarm system installed in the house and the car that next week (including a new inforced gear lock), we never parked out front anymore, my sister and I would keep an eye on cars behind us when we were heading home from school, in case we were being followed. My mom also changed up her routine heavily, she would take back roads and strange routes to make sure we weren’t being followed before she felt comfortable going home.”
“It was a pretty violent crime for our neighborhood and for us, it was our first time experiencing crime too, for me and my sister. It’s not the last violent crime we experienced though but it’s what changed our perception of our neighborhood and crime itself, never thought it would happen to our family.”
“I can relate to OP’s husband, I have a lot of anxiety around locking car doors as soon as you get in the car. I can’t imagine leaving a garage door open or unlocked, I can’t even leave my room with my window open.”
“No matter how safe the neighborhood is. I hope OP considers the anxiety her husband has about this, it doesn’t affect her to lock it and go about her routines but it eases his anxieties. Rather be safe than sorry.” – _Ginger_Biscuit_
Others thought the OP needed to be more considerate of their husband’s feelings.
“You’re not an a**hole for not locking the door, but YTA for not caring about your husband’s anxiety that he seems to have clearly and repeatedly shared with you. Most robberies tend to happen during broad daylight when families are at school or work, and home security is all about being proactive, not reactive. This is a genuine concern for him, and you don’t care.”
“The minor inconvenience you would face from locking the door is nothing compared to the inconvenience of being robbed and is such a simple ask from your husband. Why wait for something bad to happen?”
“I wanted to add that this isn’t just about someone potentially stealing your stuff that you could easily replace. The biggest potential loss is obviously your life. Burglary isn’t the only thing that could happen.”
“The second is peace of mind. Feeling violated in your safe space is traumatizing and if OP’s boyfriend already struggles with anxiety, the aftermath of being violated in your own home could make things much worse.”
“Last, if something did happen as a result of OP’s carelessness, that could create a huge rift in their relationship. Locking the door is simply common sense that prevents a lot more than someone stealing your laptop.” – ImNotChineseOk
“YTA, living in a safe neighborhood has never stopped a home invasion. Leaving a door open when there’s only one other adult in the house makes your home very vulnerable. Not to mention if you have kids, it makes the situation much worse.”
“Don’t be lazy, take the extra ten minutes to lock up and put your husband’s mind at ease it cost you next to nothing. Anxiety doesn’t have to be justified it just is.” – Shot_Information_746
“YTA. Safe neighborhood or not, you are basically ignoring a simple request that your husband has to alleviate his anxiety that is easy for you to do. It’s not like he is asking you to do anything elaborate.” – bamf1701
“YTA. You’re a bad partner. Not only are you lazy, and you don’t care about basic safety common sense, but more importantly, you’re utterly disregarding your partner’s justified anxiety and actively making it worse.”
“Get a grip, OP, you are purposefully being obstinate and also voiding your insurance.” – krokubot
After receiving feedback, the OP listened to the comments.
“Okay, message received! I am going to do better and lock the door. Even if it’s for half an hour.”
The OP also updated the post to detail why they felt the neighborhood was safe enough.
“I don’t live in the US where crime rates are rampant, I live in the Netherlands which has steadily been getting safer for decades.”
“My town had 183 break-ins and attempted break-ins in 2 years (70.000 inhabitants).”
“Yes, we will fix our door, we just moved in half a year ago and have other priorities right now.”
“Yes, in this case, I was the a**hole, but that doesn’t mean I am a terrible person.”
“No, my husband is not being abused or misused or gaslighted, he doesn’t have a debilitating anxiety disorder, he just gets overly worried about certain things.”
“Which is, of course, my opinion, hence why I am asking a neutral party.”
While the subReddit could agree the routine sounded kind of inconvenient and confusing, they still agreed with the husband that the OP needed to keep the doors locked. Not only were they not considering all of the possible safety hazards of leaving the door unlocked, but it was also a simple enough task to give their husband a small peace of mind.