There are a lot of logistics that come with a breakup. Even if you didn't live together you have to figure out a way to retrieve your stuff while trying to avoid a massive argument.
It is awkward.
Redditor AITABIKETHEIF encountered this very issue with their friend. So they turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
AITA for stealing my friend's bike back from his ex?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My friend went through a nasty break up with his ex, who he caught cheating on him."
"Problem is, he left his bike and a few other expensive items over at her place. She refuses to give the bike back, as it costed like 10k and she put it for sale on Ebay."
"I recently got a hair cut and have short hair (I used to have long hair) and lost weight, I haven't met her that many times so I was hoping she wouldn't recognize me."
"I spoke to her on the phone with an Irish accent which I faked. I agreed to pay 12k for the bike. We agreed to meet in the park."
"We met and I went on a test ride and I rode the bike back to my friend's place. She was screaming and cursing at me threatening to call the police."
"That b*tch had the audacity to complain about it on Facebook, but thankfully people called her out for it as others knew she stole it."
"Now before I get a these comments:"
"He went to the police, 3 times. They didn't want to get involved."
"I know it's his, he had it before he met her and I went mountain biking with him."
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA. It wasn't hers. Also, this is f*cking hilarious." ~ Solly8517
"I choose to believe OP also wore a fake mustache and had the benny hill theme playing on their phone." ~ SparkAxolotl
"There needs to be a term for being the asshole when being the asshole was the right move." ~ nuboots
"Nope. There are only two possibilities, which are all covered by available options:"
"1. They weren't the asshole, because circumstances made it unavoidable as in this case - depriving a thief of something they stole is not an asshole move, even if you used deception as a tactic. Thieves don't get to complain about having stolen property removed from their possession and given back to the owner!"
"2. They were enacting revenge, and this sub bans revenge stories because there's already a sub for that. Also because they don't want this sub to turn into a circle jerk for people wanting to be congratulated on their revenge plots." ~ Normal-Height-8577
"It's pretty dumb to meet someone you just spoke to on the phone in a park to sell a bike worth >$10k and just let them test ride it. Like if it wasn't OP there's a good chance someone else would have done the same." ~ Cookyy2k
"NTA as well as it's not stealing she's the one that stole it You returned it back to the actual owner. So the title should actually be 'AITA for returning my friend's bike from his ex?'" ~ afk_scorpio66
"NTA. As a rule, self-help is a bad idea, but this seems like it was fairly low risk." ~ Pinkie_Flamingo
"NTA. Depending on where you live he can ask the cops to simply escort him as he retrieves his belongings because he thinks she might retaliate. He should also start a paper trail with her of all of his items left at her place and use the Ebay site as proof of her thievery" ~ Icy_Perception_69
What would've happened if she had called the police?
"NTA. you would never be the asshole. it would have been humorous if she did call the police though." ~ ihatemyselfalot-lol
"Lol, trying to explain to the cops who stole it first."
"Agreed though NTA" ~ Imaginary_Being1949
"I mean 'no of course I didn't steal it, here's the receipt from when I bought it, I don't even know any Irish people' is a fairly good defense." ~ appleandwatermelonn
"The other kid definitely has papers to prove he bought a 10k bike, they all have their specific make numbers and corresponding papers, she'd never win that." ~ ZippNex
"NTA. Legendary move! This only proves you care about your friend a lot. He is lucky to have a friend like you." ~ FDV2610
"Man the police so lazy. I literally once pointed at the direction where some guys involved in a bar fight went and all five of them intentionally looked the other way. So I just saw those guys slowly ran off to the sunset… and then they had the audacity to say nothing really happened even though we showed him a video."
"Also tried to trick my bf into 'confessing' that he fraud called the police even though it wasn't him that called the police. Seriously they might just give their jobs to others." ~ No_Enthusiasm_4real
"Because she didn't steal it. Presumably OP's friend took it over there, and she therefore had permission to be in possession of it. OP's friend now wants it back, and it might be legally his, but since the ex hasn't committed any crimes related to it, the police can't really do much. They can nicely ask, but that's about it."
"She can also claim it was a gift, and since OP's friend would have to claim he took it there and left it there and only wants it back now that they're broken up, it would seem as legitimate a claim as anything else."
"OP's friend would have more luck in civil court, but that would be its own set of complications. This recovery was probably the best way to go, although OP wouldn't necessarily be entirely immune to his own legal problems as a result of this activity."
"Next time, don't leave expensive stuff at your SO's place without some means to retrieve it if/when things go sour." ~ Restil
"NTA. You went to the police first, and when nothing was done, you went your own route. It technically wasn't theft, because you were returning the bike to the person it was stolen from." ~ TinyRascalSaurus
OP was just helping a friend out.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.