Every child sometimes feels that they are not getting as much attention from their parents as their siblings are. Sometimes, they even worry that one of their siblings is the clear “favorite.”
Most of the time, this is pure neurosis.
In certain unfortunate situations, however, their fears have sometimes proven true.
Redditor Playful_Role8039 always felt as if her parents always prioritized her older sister.
Having finally had enough, the original poster (OP) confronted her parents about this issue in a very public manner.
A move that was not at all appreciated by the OP’s parents.
Having some doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for bringing attention to my parents favoritism of my sister in a public way?”
The OP explained why she felt compelled to publicly call out her parents:
“My parents have my sister Amy (17 F[emale]) and me (15 F).”
“They always liked Amy more.”
“I’m not sure why.”
“I don’t know if I’m not their real kid or if they only wanted one kid and I ruined everything, but they pay so much attention to Amy, show her so much love, support her in everything, and I get nothing from them.”
“My support comes from a couple of extended family members and friends and friends and parents.”
“Examples: Amy, since she was in elementary school, got to pick what summer camp she went to, and she never got told no for where she wanted to go.”
“I was never given a choice.”
“Some years I went to the local free one during the day and other years I went to no summer camp at all.”
“When Amy turned 8, she got a bedroom makeover and was given her own TV, a cool new bed, a desk space, and a new computer, and they put a mini fridge in it, all in pink to match her favorite color.”
“I still don’t have any of that stuff.”
“The laptop I’m using now was a gift from a family member.”
“When I turned 8, I was given used dolls from the thrift store that were from the dollar store (I saw them enough times to remember).”
“Some were even broken with missing limbs or hair half pulled out.”
“My parents will buy Amy pizza or Taco Bell as a treat for ‘being a good daughter’ and ‘being their special girl’, and it happens at least 3 times a month where she gets it just because.”
“I never get it just because.”
“I don’t even get it for doing good on a test like she would.”
“They spoil her whenever she does good in a test.”
“I never get spoiled.”
“They told Amy they have money saved for her future.”
“They never told me that.”
“I brought it up to my parents before, but they brushed me off, even when I cried.”
“My mom told me to stop being so childish.”
“That’s why when my parents had a party Saturday for Dad’s birthday, and they started boasting about Amy and how great her grades were, I kind of lost my temper and asked about me.”
“I pointed out my grades were actually better than hers.”
“But they never talk about me like that.”
“I asked why they only talk about Amy.”
“Why is she their favorite.”
“Why don’t they care more about me.”
“My uncle (dad’s brother) said out loud that I have a point.”
“But stuff got awkward after and my parents yelled at me for doing that.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly held the OP’s back and agreed she was not the a**hole for calling out her parents at her father’s birthday.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s parents needed to finally listen to what the OP was trying to tell them, with some even going so far as to call their behavior towards the OP abusive.
“NTA.”
“Not only are you not the a-hole here, your parents definitely are, sorry.”
“This is not your fault and it’s nothing you deserve.”
“A lot of parents have favorites, but most of those have the decency not to be obvious about it.”
“Some families go through cycles where one kid is the golden child; others take turns.”
“Find your strength, love, connection, and belonging in other areas.”
“You need those to grow and be strong for the remaining years you are with them.”
“And try not to let it sour your relationship with your sister if you can.”
“If you can’t, at least acknowledge that it wasn’t her fault but theirs.”
“More unsolicited advice: try not to let their bad parenting make you a bad person.”
“Some people never get over this stuff and it can make them more likely to engage in risky behavior (drinking, drugs, sex with inappropriate people, etc.), thinking ‘if I don’t matter to them, I don’t matter to me’.”
“Check in with yourself, and if you see self-negativity, pull it out and remind yourself that you deserve as much love as the next kid, and you still do.”
“Definitely write down all the examples you can think of — dates, times, who was present, whatever.”
“Narrative therapy can help solidify details outside your head, getting it out of your system and onto the page.”
“But don’t destroy it.”
“One day, it might be valuable to you to keep faith with your young self, to have a record of the truth if they ever claim you are exaggerating.”
“I’m also not joking when I say this is fodder for future work: adult reflection, therapy with a pro, or literally writing a novel or performing stand-up comedy.”
“Always keep the receipts. If your parents ever turn to you for help, you can remind yourself whether you want to put them in a nice retirement community or the kind of raisin ranch that shows up on 60 Minutes — or simply tell them to ask the daughter they invested themselves in.”- Ladiesbane
“NTA.”
“When you’re an adult and ready to leave, don’t look back.”
“Go NC with them and have a great life without them.”
“And if they see how successful you are and ask for a handout, tell them you have nothing to give to them.”
“That’s me being petty, but they don’t deserve it.”
“INFO: what is your relationship like with your sister?”
“You don’t mention it, but does she act like a spoiled princess and bully you, or does she see that she’s more favored and try to make it up to you?”- VehicleCreepy806
“NTA.”
“I don’t know what is going on with your parents, but this is definitely a form of abuse.”
“Make sure to talk to someone at your school about this, like a counselor, they might be able to help you get some help, especially with planning your financial future with regard to education.”-DutchDaddy85
“NTA.”
“They’re overdue for public exposure for private abuse.”
“They’re the ones who introduced the subject of grades.”
“All you did was reveal the truth.”
“They’re angry because they lack any acceptable excuse.”- extinct_diplodocus
“NTA.”
“I was prepared to dismiss your complaint, but it sounds serious: do you really have no college fund or bedroom furniture while she does?”
“Do they really never praise your grades or reward you in a comparable way to sister?”
“If so that is bizarre and inappropriate.”
“Maybe discuss with the uncle who thinks you have a point unless your parents are willing to listen again and hear you out.”
“Good luck!”- PracticallySkeptic
“NTA.”
“It’s called the golden child and scapegoat dynamic in psychology.”
“It’s a known phenomenon with no specific trigger.”
“Sometimes it’s about half siblings or step-siblings.”
“Sometimes it’s about the scapegoat being an oops baby or because the parents had gender disappointment and put all their issues on the child.”
“Sometimes it’s just that the parents are narcissistic.”
“You need to go to outside trusted adults like your uncle or grandparents and explain exactly what’s going on in the household including the bullying you described in another comment.”
“Start doing research and making plans based on not having your parents’ support in the future.”
“Heck, if you can get emancipated with the help of relatives, that will go a long way to helping you to get funds for college.”
“FAFSA uses your parents’ income until you’re about 24 unless you can prove you’re not connected to them such as with an emancipation ruling.”- Silaquix
It must have been pretty humiliating for the OP’s parents to be so publicly called out like they were.However, their humiliation is likely only a fraction of how humiliated and insignificant the OP has felt her entire life.
True, the OP’s parents weren’t exactly wrong that her behavior was “childish.”
Specifically, because she is a child, a child who’s reached an age where they need a bit extra love and protection. Both things the OP’s parents seem shockingly unwilling to give.