Whenever we’re in a shared space, with roommates or with our family, there are going to be times where we’re going to argue about everyone needing to use the microwave or the bathroom at the same time.
Though we might not like to admit it, one person is typically in the right, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But after seeing her sister’s reaction, Redditor weirdthrowawayz wasn’t sure who the correct person was.
Because when she expressed a basic need, the Original Poster (OP)’s sister lashed out.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my sister to leave the door unlocked while she showers?”
The OP’s sister came to visit for the holidays.
“My sister (16 [female]) is over at me (19 [female]) and our dad’s house to visit for the holidays.”
“Although she says she’ll come over more often I usually see her every 2 or 3 months for a few days, but this is the first time I’ve seen her in about 4 months so I’m very happy she’s here.”
There were issues with sharing the bathroom.
“The house has two bathrooms, my dad’s and mine. Mine is kind of also considered the ‘Guest’ bathroom, so when people stay over (like my sister), this is the one they use!”
“My sister likes to take very long showers. Like ’45 minutes if she’s in a rush and 2 hours if she is taking a normal one’ long.”
The OP had an emergency.
“I usually don’t mind it, however, today about an hour into her shower, I really had to use the bathroom to change my pad because (TMI (too much information)) I felt myself starting to bleed REALLY heavily and I was worried I was gonna bleed through it or stain my jeans or something.”
“I usually keep a pad in my purse but I used the only one I had in there earlier when I was picking her up from her house, thus all of them were now under my bathroom sink.”
“I tried to wait for maybe 10 minutes but I got nervous and knocked on her door and asked if she was almost done.”
“She got irritated and told me to leave her alone and that she was.”
“So I tried waiting a little more (only like 5 minutes this time) but I knocked again and said it was an emergency and if I could come in real quick to get a pad.”
“She said that the door was locked, and I asked if she could unlock it.”
“The shower curtain isn’t see-through, so if she got out, unlocked the door, then went back in the shower I could get one real quick and then change out in our dad’s bathroom without seeing her!”
Her sister’s reaction caught the OP off-guard.
“I heard her stop the shower water then though, and she opened the door with a towel on and was pretty upset for interrupting her shower and making her get out to unlock the door.”
“I apologized and asked if in the future she can just leave the door unlocked, and in emergencies, I can just come and get one real quick without disturbing her.”
“She got mad at me and said that was a gross thing to ask her, and then went to her room.”
“I feel really bad upsetting her and making her feel uncomfortable.”
“I’ll probably just start keeping pads in my room since I know my dad would never want them in his bathroom.”
“I wanted to know if I am TA for asking.”
The OP added some details to her post for clarification.
“For comments on me and my sister being comfortable around each other: We grew up literally showering together.”
“However as we grew older, she started sheltering herself more in this area (wanting to change in a different room, locking the bathroom, etc). It wasn’t like a sudden change, it just slowly happened and that’s okay.”
“I’ve never asked to breach this boundary until today but her reaction of calling it gross was unexpected and sort of hurtful.”
“For comments on not keeping pads in our dad’s bathroom: I’ve said this in a few comments, but our dad does not like feminine hygiene products.”
“He hates when I have them out, refuses to get them for me even if he’s already at the store (I think being in the aisle embarrasses him), and has gone so far as to kind of ban me from using tampons.”
“I’m not sure why he’s like this, but I know it would make him upset if I kept pads in his bathroom.”
“Another piece of relevant information is my bathroom is in the hall, while his is literally in his room, which is why mine is the one she uses.”
“For comments on why my sister is taking so long in the shower: I’m not sure! I know she had a TOOOON of thick and curly hair and she spends a great amount of time caring for it. Aside from that, I’m not sure.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought it was really rude for the sister to take over the bathroom.
“NTA. Let her shower in your Dad’s bathroom if she wants to be so rude. Who takes a 2-hour shower? That’s the bathroom you use and you have all your stuff in there.”
“She, a guest, can just bring her overnight toiletries bag to your Dad’s bathroom and not block you from having access to your things for hours at a time.” – ghostforest
“Who the heck takes a 45 minutes shower… much less a 2 hour one??”
“And once she found out why you needed to get in, a normal person would have understood and apologized to you. She sounds super selfish and entitled. I know she’s only 16 but it is time to grow up a bit.”
“And a bit of shade for your dad. Time for him to grow up if he’d be upset having (gasp) a pad in his bathroom!” – overlook447
“If I were in OP’s sister’s position, leaving the bathroom door unlocked would be NBD (no big deal).”
“But I even leave the bathroom unlocked when I shower and I have a roommate.”
“It’s so if something were to happen (I fall or other emergencies) or he needed to pee, he can get in (only one bathroom- long story but I’m sleeping in the living room; we’ve known each other 8+yrs). He knows to leave me alone and respect my privacy. I return the favor.”
“IMO (in my opinion), OP is NTA.” – area51throway
Others thought it was especially rude to do so while a guest in someone else’s house.
“Meh, I would take long showers when I visited my dad who lived with my grandparents. The whole family would tease me and often come throw ice water on my head or turn off the lights as a joke.”
“But there were also multiple bathrooms with well-stocked toiletries and I always kept the door unlocked in case something happened and someone needed in.”
“I don’t feel the shower length is the real problem… it’s the disregard for other people and lack of compassion in an emergency. (NTA, OP.)” – flowerprincessmel
“And at someone else’s home? Even if I’m shaving and washing my hair it’s mayyyyybe 20-30 minutes, max. If I’m showering at someone else’s place I am in and out as quick as possible because I’m not an a**hole that runs up someone else’s utilities without a thought.”
“NTA, OP. Tell your sister to use your dad’s bathroom if she’s going to be in there for 2 hours and also maybe turn down the water heater, she’ll be way quicker if the water runs cold a couple of times.” – sinsofknowing
“Would you do that while a guest at someone else’s house, though?”
“It seems somewhere between impolite and entitled to me.”
“And getting mad when the people in the house you’re a guest at try to deal with the problems you’re causing definitely make the sister her TA in my book…” – f02f2e6fa0b3
Some suggested keeping some feminine products in the other bathroom or bedroom.
“Your sister’s showers are ridiculously long, she can’t occupy the bathroom for two hours and get mad if someone needs to use it.”
“And your father should let you have your pads in his bathroom, what is he 12 years old for that to bother him? Oh my gosh.” – for_personal_things
“As a dad, I couldn’t care less where my daughter keeps her pads. I’m the one that buys them, I have a passing knowledge of the birds and the bees and it wouldn’t freak me out to have a spare few in a drawer in the bathroom I used.”
“Also NTA but your sister might be.” – Thermitegrenade
“NTA. Why can’t you keep the pads in your bedroom, and bring one into your Dad’s bathroom if needed?”
“And your sister’s showering routine is ridiculous!” – BeneficialDark1662
“You’re 100% NTA… You are NOT gross and she’s just lashing out by saying that.”
“I’m sorry she won’t understand that you asked her this for literally emergencies only but if she won’t help you out it might be your only option to keep some pads in your room.”
“Seriously, you aren’t gross!!! Periods are normal and so many females deal with it—you are not alone in this matter!”
“Good luck and remember, you’re definitely NTA here.” – jjr354
“NTA. I understand your sister’s reaction, as I personally feel very uncomfortable if I can’t lock the door but sometimes have to when I’m at my family’s (6 people, 1 bathroom).”
“Yes, it was a little harsh, but she’s 16 and uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean you were wrong for suggesting it.”
“Something really helpful we started doing in my family was introducing a rule of never trying to solve problems in ‘times of war’. Wait until she’s not stressed out, then ask her if you can talk about it.”
“Maybe you can find an agreement of when it’s ok to lock the door for 2 hours, and when it’s not? Or that she gives you a heads up so you can use it first or grab what you need before she locks the door?” – niva_sun
However some felt all blame rested squarely on a 3rd party’s shoulders.
“Gonna go out on a limb and say NAH because it sounds like your sister may require a lot of time to care for her curly hair. If anyone is the AH it is your dad for shaming you about period products!”
“I just want to point out that you could also keep an extra package of pads in your room where your dad would never see them, and just take what you need into his bathroom in case of a future long shower emergency.”
“No need to store them in his bathroom in that case, though I do think he is the one who is being unreasonable.” – Impressive-Reindeer1
“YTA. For putting all the blame on your sister’s mildly inconvenient actions while completely excusing the real problem: the outrageous misogyny of your father.”
“Your sister is absolutely entitled to privacy during a shower, and to locking the door. She is correct: Your reaction to her entirely normal desire for privacy is weird and unhealthy.”
“Her showers are too long, yes. It’s a waste of utilities.”
“But assuming you aren’t paying the bills, that’s between her and your father, you aren’t her parent. You’re her peer.”
“The length of her showers aren’t the problem here, because the house has two bathrooms. The problem is your dysfunctional father.”
“So put your anger where it belongs—squarely on his shoulders. Either confront him, or if you are afraid of him, sneak your supplies into his bathroom and wrap them and smuggle them into your room, throw them out in the other bathroom when it’s available.”
“But for god’s sake, quit taking all your anger out on a 16 year old girl, because your father refuses to allow your body to exist as a functioning female human body in his home.”
“Honestly after reading this, I don’t blame her for wanting to lock herself in a space where she can just escape from you all for a couple hours; I think that’s the most likely explanation.”
“I can’t imagine being 16 and being shamed for existing by my father, being told by my sister (directly or through modeled behavior) that this is how life is supposed to be, just accept it—that the men who are supposed to love us will find us repulsive, that we aren’t allowed to demand of the men we live with access to basic hygiene supplies, to see you normalize the idea that women shouldn’t use men’s toilets because we are filth and subhuman because we get periods.”
“There’s just so much to unwrap there, and all of it is on such a large scale compared to ‘you take showers that are too long’.”
“Truly, that is not the problem. You just can’t see it.” – ductoid
While the OP thought she may have been out of line after seeing her sister’s reaction, the subReddit didn’t think so.
Rather, they took issue with the sister’s overuse of the bathroom space, as well as being so disgruntled over another woman needing access to a feminine product.