Even though it’s 2024, there are still a lot of people out there who demand tasks for free, especially when it’s a subjective task from an artist, or even worse, when it’s being completed by a family member.
As soon as it involves family or an artistic medium, it’s as if monetary compensation did not exist, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was a teenager who was interested in pursuing photography as a profession, so she had begun to take her photography seriously.
When her grandmother came forward, not only asking her to photograph her uncle’s wedding but to do it for free, because she wasn’t a professional, the Original Poster (OP) felt torn between respecting herself as a young businesswoman and respecting her grandmother’s wishes.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to shoot a wedding for free?”
The OP started growing her photography business from a young age.
“I (15 Female) have been running a photography business since late 2022. I have shot several weddings and built a really good client base and do consider myself a young professional.”
“I have a website, pricing breakdown, and pay taxes on everything. I also purchase all my equipment.”
The OP was looking forward to being her uncle’s wedding photographer.
“Recently, my Uncle (28 Male) got engaged to his fiancée (28 Female).”
“I was very happy for them, as they are a lovely couple, and since they started dating about two years back, and I’ve been awaiting this!”
“My grandma (63 Female) was also very excited. Wedding planning had begun. This is always an exciting time.”
“I knew they were planning to ask me to shoot their wedding, and I had planned to, as their wedding gift, do it for half off. This would’ve saved them $300. My weddings are very cheap, at $600.”
“I shoot and edit very well and have been magazine-published. I am, by no means, a hobby photographer. Nor am I what people picture when they hear teenage photographer.”
But then the OP’s grandmother got in the middle of the event planning.
“Then, during a family event, in front of everyone, my grandma said something along the lines of, ‘Well, at least you won’t be paying a photographer!’ Everyone laughed, and then all eyes fell on me.”
“I just stared confusedly, and my grandma said, ‘Well, you wouldn’t charge family, right?’ to which my mom answered for me, ‘No!'”
“My uncle and his fiancée both looked very uncomfortable, and they had no idea this was going to happen.”
“I didn’t want to cause any problems, so I just said, ‘I love shooting weddings, so we’ll have to talk about y’all’s.'”
“My grandma threw out another comment, towards my mom. ‘Really? She has to be like that? All she does is press a button and she can’t do that for her own family?'”
“I was really annoyed at that, and said that it’s a lot of work.”
“She then said, ‘If you’re professional. You need to quit acting like you know what it’s like to run a business. You can come take a few little pictures for them.'”
“I was in tears and chose to just not say anything.”
The OP’s grandmother refused to let the issue go.
“Flash forward to when the time comes to discuss the wedding. My grandma happened to walk in as I discussed pricing and such with them. She threw a fit.”
“To make a long story short, she said that they would not be paying me and that if they had wanted to pay someone, they would hire a ‘grown-up.'”
“I informed them that if I wasn’t being paid, I sure as h**l was not shooting that wedding (not in those words, of course), and said I’d love to be a guest instead.”
“My grandma threw a fit and spread this horrible story about how I said I hated them and wished they weren’t engaged to the whole family.”
“My mom is asking me to reconsider.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she and her work deserved to be respected.
“Well, anyone who thinks it’s easy to ‘press a button’ can obviously do the job instead!”
“This is how you make money. It’s your job. DO NOT start doing it for free or you’ll be dealing with this kind of situation constantly.”
“People don’t expect to walk out of the supermarket without paying. Yet it’s so common that they exploit creative workers. Your grandmother’s comments were rude. She has no right to expect you to work for free.”
“If your relatives want to hire someone older and more experienced, then they can do that. If they want to hire you, they will have to pay. Stand your ground.”
“If anyone mentions your grandmother’s comments, I would say something like, ‘Yes, I’m a little concerned about her. That’s not what happened. She would like me to work for free, but like everyone else, I can’t do that. I wished them luck with finding the kind of service they need.'”
“Keep it brief and clear and then end the discussion by saying, ‘That’s the situation,’ and/or leaving the room or not replying to the text. Discussing this further will give people the idea that it’s up for negotiation.” – Dry_Sandwich_860
“At this point, OP shouldn’t even consider shooting the wedding and should just say, ‘I don’t think it makes sense for me to be their wedding photographer, and besides, I’d rather just be there and enjoy the day with family.'”
“Even if she does ultimately get paid, it’s likely to be an uncomfortable experience and everyone will feel awkward. Much easier to just bow out (and then they can discover just how much professional photography actually costs).” – yourlittlebirdie
“One of my work buddies is a weekend wedding photographer and gets all the friends and family requests and he shoots them all down saying he is going to attend as a guest and to hire someone else as the one time he did do one for a friend he had no time at all to enjoy the day and literally spent every second behind the lens.” – HalikusZion
“Respect your own time, OP. You’d be working much longer than normal. You’re family and would normally want to stay til the end, but if it was a paid gig you’d stop at a certain point and leave. Imagine how hard you’d be working, and for free, until the bitter end. Don’t do it.”
“I asked my brother to do our wedding as he just graduated with a degree in photography. We were both broke and I said this could be his gift. He was happy to do it. But afterward, he said never again, since he didn’t have one once of fun. I felt really bad. But none of the pictures turned out so he felt even worse. I have a crazy wedding album of donated pictures from friends and family.”
“My advice is don’t do it but be nice about it no matter how mean they get. That nasty old mama might want to burn bridges but you’re a professional and this is where you take the high road. People will take note and it will serve you well in the future.” – neverdoneneverready
“OP should ask her why she‘d rather give money to a stranger than support family. And if it‘s just ‘pushing a button,’ surely she can do it, with her own equipment and on her own time. Tell her to show you how she did the post-processing and to make sure she sends the RAWs as well.”
“OP, your grandma is a horrible person. I‘m sorry she‘s not supporting you.”
“NTA.” – ExtendedSpikeProtein
Others agreed and said it sounded like the Grandma should do it if she found it so easy.
“I was going to say, if it’s ‘just clicking a button,’ then surely grandma can shoot it for free, lol (laughing out loud).” – Dark_Huntress6387
“Heck, if it’s so easy, I’m sure Grandma will be willing to do it for free. All she’s got to do is click a button, right, and as it’s family, she’d obviously have absolutely no problem with immediately agreeing to this. Preferably in front of the whole family, so there can be no backing out.” – BurdenedMind79
“I wonder if your grandmother understands that in reality, you asking $300 is roughly 10 percent of what the professionals get for a very low-end basic package for weddings.”
“The only people who need to say anything about your charges are those who are actually paying for the wedding. If your uncle is happy paying $300, opposed to probably $3,000, that is all you need to know.”
“If anyone wants to continue raising a stink, you could do a deal where your uncle pays you in a toy that is actually stuffed with the money…” – OriginalDogeStar
“I still remember trying to find photographers for my wedding, and I got very lucky. I got two, one professional and one amateur.”
“The professionals in my town actually had a photo limit, and the cheapest package I found was $4,000AUD for 450 photos, which included getting ready, the reception, the wedding, the “candid” shots, and the posed ones. And they only worked for four hours and required a meal with a 30-minute break.”
“The amateur photographer charged $900AUD for however long we wanted them. We ended up giving them a $2,000AUD ‘tip’ because they got photos of situations that we now look back upon fondly. She also took a beautiful photo of me and my now late father, whom the professional photographer refused to even take when asked because we were reaching the photo limit.”
“Even now, in my town, wedding photography packages are disgustingly expensive, but at least they no longer limit how many photos they will take.”
“The grandma really needs a reality check. NTA, OP.” – OriginalDogeStar
“It’s not the couple pushing this, it’s the Grandma. You don’t want to ruin their wedding pics just to spite her.”
“OP needs to call or meet with the couple away from Grandma and just explain the situation. Tell them that she is willing to knock 50% off her already extremely low fee (try finding a professional wedding photographer for under $5k).” – Curious0597
Not only did the subReddit expect the OP to be compensated for her work, but they hoped that her family, particularly her grandmother, would get a reality check of what was actually involved in photography, whether or not it was being done by a “professional.”