Some of us have some very interesting stories about the weddings we’ve been invited to attend or participate in as part of the wedding party.
Sometimes the happy couple have difficult demands for their wedding day, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor dizzegy was taken aback when her future sister-in-law demanded that she dye her hair, so that the bride would be the only one with red hair on her wedding day.
When the family even supported the bride’s desires, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to not want to alter her hair color for one day.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing my future sister-in-law’s request to dye my hair for my brother’s wedding?”
The OP noticed that her future sister-in-law was copying her hair color.
“My future SIL (Sister-in-Law), Liz, has turned into a bridezilla and is going to war with everyone over every stupid thing.”
“My natural color is red. I love my hair.”
“Liz is a blonde but she loves to have red hair and in fact ever since meeting me, she’s been dying her hair almost exactly my color.”
“I don’t mind, I think it’s weird that she does it but I don’t have a monopoly over this particular shade of red and she’s free to do with her hair whatever she wants.”
The bride came forward with an unexpected demand for her wedding day.
“Well, she asked me this week that I should dye my hair a different color because she wants her hair to be unique for her wedding, she offered to cover all the costs as well.”
“I just said no because it’s my hair, I don’t want it changed.”
“I told my brother and he told me to do whatever I want because it’s my hair, he said he’ll talk to Liz to get her to back off.”
“Well, it didn’t work because Liz has come to my parents and they’ve taken her side!”
“They say it’s her special day and we need to be more accommodating and it’s important for our future relationship that we get along.”
“I believe I am accommodating, she can do whatever she wants with her own hair! How is my hair any of her business anyway?”
Even the family supported the bride’s wishes.
“My parents tell me that I should be the bigger person.”
“I don’t know why an 18-year-old should be the bigger person compared to the 27-year-old Liz.”
“They told me I’m making this minor issue into a big problem and I should just do what she wants because it’s her wedding.”
“AITA for not giving in?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP should absolutely protect the natural color of her hair.
“NTA. If she wants to have original hair for her wedding maybe she should use her natural hair and not yours.”
“it is absurd, rude, and wrong to ask people in your wedding party to change their physical appearance for your wedding. There is no reason you should damage your hair for one day.” – Fainora
“If she really wants original hair, she could make it neon green or purple or something. Let her be the one to damage her hair.” – watanabelover69
“My cousin used to have blonde almost red hair. died her hair once and it’s never been the same again. Absolutely NTA.” – clboisver114
“As a redhead, my hair color after 18 just got darker and darker to the point that now (at 30) I look brunette unless I’m in the sun. By the time your hair has dye completely gone from it, it could not be that color again.”
“And maybe you’ll get lucky and your hair won’t change as drastically as mine! But you don’t really know currently, and is it worth the risk? I miss my red so much. I have contemplated dying it, because I’m still red at heart, but that also feels like cheating. It’s all very silly and just hair but red hair gets wrapped up in your own identity in a different way than other colors do.”
“Be you, at the wedding.” – lionhearted_sparrow
“Any redhead I know who’s dyed their hair never got their natural color back. NTA. NTA.” – Middle_Purpose_3550
“And maybe this is SIL’s real goal, that OP’s hair will not be as beautiful after she damages it.”
“I think SIL is jealous of OP’s hair color which is why she has been copying it. She may hope to ruin it with this request. NTA.” – This-Ad-2281
“As a fellow natural redhead, DON’T DO IT.”
“Her wedding is one day, this could cause months of damage, or permanently damage your natural shade. Your natural shade could be very hard to replicate to undo the damage, if it can be replicated with dye at all.”
“Mine can’t. It may also never look the same again after being dyed, even after the dye fades/grows out. A risk like that needs to be your choice, not someone else’s.”
“If she wanted a unique color she should have actually chosen a unique color, not one that you already had and expected you to change to ‘accommodate’ her. Expecting someone to cause potentially permanent damage to their hair for a wedding is bats**t crazy behavior. She and your parents (why are they even on her side anyways?!) need to back off.”
“NTA.” – RedRose_812
Others thought the future sister-in-law was a serious bridezilla.
“NTA.”
“She can ask. You said no.”
“Also, WTAF (What the actual f**k)? She’s something special.” – mrslTT
“This is what I was looking for. Ironic, isn’t it, that bridezilla copied OP’s natural hair color (and OP isn’t petty enough or immature enough to care about it despite being almost a decade younger), and now bridezilla wants OP to dye her own natural hair color so bridezilla can feel ‘unique.'”
“I’ll repeat; Liz copied OP’s hair color and then told OP she has to dye her hair color to something else. Like in any other situation, Liz would look absolutely crazy for even suggesting this. Why does it being her wedding day make literally any difference?”
“I really really really hope OP doesn’t dye her hair just because Liz is obsessed with being special and OP’s already unique hair is killing her buzz.”
“I thought about that too lol like, ‘Well you went through the effort and money to dye your hair brown; you should keep it that way!’ But in all seriousness, realistically OP wouldn’t be able to get her natural hair color back after the wedding anyway unless she grew it out.”
“I’ve had my roots matched and it is not as easy as picking out the right color and dying it. Natural hair will never look the same as dyed hair, and red dye is notorious for fading quickly and easily compared to other colors. Liz would be literally taking OP’s natural hair color away so that she can have it for herself until OP can regrow her hair.”
“The nerve and complete lack of respect are shocking. To insist OP do such long-term damage to her hair just so that Liz can feel extra special and unique for literally one day is beyond me.” – pineapplesodaa
“I could see this escalate after the wedding. Like, ‘The hair color is mine now because I wore it to my wedding so you need to keep dying/bleaching your hair.'” – HambdenRose
“So if SIL had asked your mom to shave her head and go bald for the wedding, she would have done it because ‘we need to make her happy’?”
“If she isn’t willing to do that, why does she think you should be willing to change your hair? I mean, it’s just hair, right?” – anewfaceinthecrowd
“How in the world did your parents come to agree with your SIL on this? Are they people who often propose bending over backwards to appease others? Is it possible that Liz told some kind of convincing sob story (not that I can imagine what it could possibly be)? Is she often a bully or something and is intimidating them?”
“When they say that you should appease Liz to protect your future relationship, I wonder if they mean that you should appease her to protect their future relationship with her.” – elmuchocapitano
The subReddit was shocked that not only the bride was making such a massive demand for her wedding day but that her family was also supporting her wishes.
While hair color can be corrected, and hair can be dyed to another color, there is no guarantee that the hair color will ever be the same as it originally was, or that the hair will still be healthy.
Expecting her teenage future sister-in-law to permanently alter the hair color that she had already taken to copying, simply for the purpose of a wedding ceremony that would take place on one day only, was seriously eyebrow-raising and a cause for concern for their future relationship.