As a family, you’d want to do anything you can to help them out when they’re in a pinch.
But this notion of offering assistance no matter what is presumptuous.
A teen struggled with her latest dilemma when her older brother approached her for a favor, and the conversation didn’t go over so well.
So she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Zelinia23 asked:
“AITAH for refusing to help my brother pay off his debt after he tried to publicly shame me?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (19 F[female]) started a new job recently and saved up quite a bit of money over the past year.”
“My family was proud of me, but my older brother (25 M[ale]) immediately started making comments like, ‘You’re finally rolling in cash, so I guess you can help your family now.’”
The OP continued:
“He has always been bad with money, mostly from wasting it on gambling and unnecessary purchases.”
“Last week, he asked me for $3,000 to help pay off his credit card debt. He said he needed it to avoid getting into more trouble.”
“I told him no because I’ve seen how he handles money, and I don’t trust him to use it wisely. He got mad and called me selfish, saying I was being unfair since I don’t have any big expenses right now.”
There was more to the story.
“It didn’t stop there. A few days later, he went on social media and posted a rant about how I was ‘hoarding’ money while my own family struggled.”
“He even called me a bad sister for refusing to help. Now some family members are saying I should just lend him the money to avoid more drama, but I don’t think I should have to pay for his mistakes.”
“AITAH?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA because that ‘loan’ that your family mention wouldn’t be a loan would it now? And if your family are so bothered by your brother’s financial situation, they can help him with their money and not yours.” – Habitual-Reject
“A 25-year-old man trying to shame his 19-year-old sister into ‘lending’ him money? PS you will never see that money again if you do. Don’t do this OP, it’s going to set up a situation where he constantly hits you up for money, NTA.” – intelligentprince
“I would respond to his social media post with something like, ‘No, I am not hoarding money. I am saving money like an adult while you are basically lighting yours on fire and expecting me, a TEENAGER, to put the fire out for you. Grow the eff up, loser.’ ”
“If he’s going to try to publicly shame you, there is no reason you can’t shame him by telling the truth about this situation. NTA.” – fiestafan73
“NTA. You are not responsible for your brother’s bad choices. If he has a gambling problem, you know you would be throwing that money away and setting a precedent for him to continue to harass you for money. Let him know firmly, that you are not going to bankroll him.”
“Don’t give in to family pressure because it’s not drama they want to avoid, it’s your brother hitting them up for money. Let it be your families choice to give it to him or not. You said no and it is no one else’s business, so tell them to mind their own.” – NoDaisy
“NTA.”
“Use some of that money to find your own house and get a far away from your toxic family as you can. Your brother is a loser and will always be needing loans. Give in now and you’ll never be at peace.”
“Oh and pro tip, never ever let anyone know how much money you have. Always claim poor and stay in character. But something big like a car or bed and drawer set then pretend you are now broke or even make up some elaborate tale about being shafted by a fake crypto scam.” – InformalCry147
“NTA. The answer for this is simple, go on the same social media sites and throw it back on them.”
“Dear family, since you’re all so gung ho on helping family out, why don’t you lend my irresponsible brother the money? While you’re at it help bail him out of his gambling debts. Be forewarned that you probably won’t get it back, but you can get the nice warm fuzzy knowing you’ve done your part.” – ListMore5157
“NTA. Tell your brother ‘Congratulations! I’ve found someone to lend you money!’ then give him the numbers of all the relatives who are pushing you to do this. If it’s so important to them that they can harass you, then they can lend him the money. If they b*tch about it, remind them that family helps family.” – Proof_Strawberry_464
“OP go on the same social media and tell everybody you had the perfect way for him to fix his money problem, don’t gamble with your rent money and pay your bills before you buy your drinks.”
“Anyone that doesn’t like your suggestions is welcome to give him as much money as they want, but you think it’s more important you pay your own bills first before you pay for someone else’s entertainment.” – floridaeng
“No! NTA! That money is for your own financial wellbeing. Do NOT give it to somebody who has no financial sense, especially now that he’s going for the jugular. You absolutely shouldn’t have to pay for his mistakes.”
“Tell each and every one of those family members to pool their resources and give him THEIR money.” – Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA, save your hard earned money. He probably doesn’t realize how big of a loser he looks like for posting some dumb rant on social media whining about how you won’t give him your money. Ignore anyone saying you should.”
“If you do decide to help him with money, do yourself a favor and don’t loan it to him. Just figure out what amount you are willing to give to him as a gift, then give it him as a gift and don’t expect repayment. You can be clear that it’s a one-time gift and you are not responsible for his bad choices and won’t be bailing him out going forward.”
“But loaning money to a family member and then hounding them to repay you when everyone pretty much knows they won’t is just the worst possible outcome. You’d be better off continuing to say no than to go the ‘loan’ route.” –Mountain_Stress5909
“It sounds to me like your brother wants an outright gift to bail him out of the kind of trouble that was entirely predictable, given his spending habits. (You mention ‘lend’, but the rest of your post doesn’t sound like lending is involved.)”
“You know the answer. He won’t pay you back. I’d bet, partly because you don’t mention it, he didn’t even come to you with a repayment plan. And then he tried to pressure you publicly. Of course you shouldn’t give him a penny!”
“He’s got to learn to manage his own financial problems rather than depend on bailouts from friends and relatives. With bailouts, he’ll never learn to manage his own money.”
“What you should do, if you haven’t already, is to set up a personal budget and long-term financial plan, and distribute your savings accordingly. Some for an emergency fund, some for an expected big purchase, and some in one of those tax-sheltered retirement plans that many countries seem to offer.”
“You won’t tell him or anyone else the details, of course, but when this type of person guesses you have some money (because you obviously aren’t throwing it away), it’s sometimes convenient to say that what money you do have is tied up in an investment or retirement plan and you can’t get access to it for years. I did that when someone wanted me to buy a relative a car.”
“NTA.” – SavingsRhubarb8746
“NTA. As a 25 year old, he should not rely on his 19 year old sister for HIS mistakes of spending more than he had. Write something back and tell him he should get a job as it isn’t your responsibility to clear HIS debts that HE made himself.”
“Also include he’s the selfish one by wanting you to also have debt just so HE doesn’t.” – Confident_Set4216
“NTA and to those family members telling you, you should just lend it to him to avoid the drama. Tell them to stick it up there you know what?. If he’s gambling, I know exactly what he’s going to do. He’ll pay off the credit card and then run it up again. Gambling.”
“He is 6 years older than you. It’s not up to you to bail him out financially. It’s not up to you to bail any member of your family out financially. You’ve only just started saving for your own future.”
“Don’t be throwing money away. Because giving money to a gambler is exactly what you’re going to do. It’s not like it’s money going to a good cause. And to those that think you should just give it to him, tell them if they think he should have the money then they should give it to him.”
“See what they have to say then. Funny how generous friends and family can be when it’s not their own money.” – sammac66
Overall, Redditors thought it was pretty shameful that her brother hit her up for cash to remedy his money problem, and they urged her not to give in because she isn’t responsible for him.
Redditors also looked down on the other family members who thought she should give in to his request instead of ponying up cash of their own to help the brother’s cause.