We’ve all heard the saying, “Do not throw stones when you live in a glass house,” but some people do not seem to understand it until they’re experiencing it themselves.
But if one person is doing something morally wrong, they shouldn’t try to get someone else in trouble for something they’ve deemed morally wrong, unless they want to get caught, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor PleasantLieThrowRA was in a fulfilling throuple relationship and had to refuse the advances of a male coworker repeatedly in the workplace.
He attempted to get her in trouble by revealing her throuple to Human Resources, so the Original Poster (OP) repaid the favor by sharing evidence of his advances, as well as the evidence she had of his current affair.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for exposing my coworker after he exposed me?”
The OP was in a happy and fulfilling throuple relationship.
“I (28 Female) have been in a happy and committed throuple for about three years now. It’s unconventional, but it works for us.”
“I also enjoy posting on a social media platform that’s more on the ‘mature’ side; think Facebook, but for adults who like to talk about NSFW (Not Safe for Work) topics and post NSFW pictures.”
“My face isn’t visible in any of the pictures, and I never talk about my job on there, so I didn’t think it would ever be an issue at work, especially because our job doesn’t have a morality clause.”
One of the OP’s coworkers meddled in her private business.
“One of my coworkers, Jake (34 Male), recently found my profile on this site. Jake has always been a bit too friendly, making suggestive comments and flirting with me, despite knowing I’m not interested.”
“I’ve turned him down countless times, but he just doesn’t take the hint. He thinks that just because I’m poly, I want to be with him.”
“Instead of keeping his discovery to himself, Jake took screenshots of my posts and ran to HR (Human Resources), accusing me of ‘unbecoming internet activity’ that could damage the company’s reputation.”
“I got called into a meeting with HR, and honestly, I was terrified. However, after reviewing the posts, HR told me that because my face wasn’t visible and there was nothing identifying the company, it wasn’t their concern and was my own personal business.”
“They assured me that no action would be taken against me and that I hadn’t violated any policies. My direct boss said that the meeting was more toward me and that Jake was sharing my private pictures in the workplace.”
The OP retaliated with the information she had on her coworker.
“Even though I was cleared, I still felt humiliated that my private life had been dragged into work like this. And I was beyond angry that Jake tried to get me in trouble over something that had nothing to do with him.”
“Here’s where I might be the a**hole. After that HR meeting, I was still fuming. I knew Jake was married and had heard rumors about him cheating on his wife with another woman in the office. I also had a bunch of inappropriate messages he’d sent me, including some sent during work hours, which I hadn’t done anything about until now.”
“Instead of going back to HR, I decided to take matters into my own hands.”
“I found Jake’s wife on social media and anonymously sent her all the screenshots of his messages to me, along with some information about his affair.”
“I literally found his profile and his mistress’ profile on the SAME site he said was ‘unbecoming’ and sent her the links to both. I figured if he wanted to dig into my private life, he should face the consequences of his own actions.”
The office was divided over what the OP had done.
“It didn’t take long for everything to blow up. Jake’s wife confronted him, and now she’s filed for divorce.”
“Word spread around the office, and Jake is absolutely furious with me, saying I ruined his marriage and made his life h**l.”
“Some of my coworkers think I went too far and should have just let it go, but others believe he got what he deserved for trying to get me in trouble over something that was none of his business.”
“So, AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some felt the OP was right to retaliate.
“NTA. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw hand grenades with a bungee cord attached (still working on that one).”
“Seriously, he tried to spread revenge porn to make OP lose her job in retaliation for not letting him into her bed. When you go after someone’s livelihood, the gloves are off and the boots are on.” – big_bob_c
“What the f**k did he think was gonna happen? That after being potentially raked over the coals by Human Resources, she was gonna magically now want him? F**k no!”
“He deserves everything he’s getting.” – Damagedbeme
“Jake invaded your privacy and tried to use it against you. You returned the favor. While it’s messy, he opened that door. You’re not the asshole here.”
“Now walk those unwanted advances to HR yourself and get him out of there. That is what OP should’ve done when she was called into the meeting with HR and her boss! At that meeting, OP should’ve disclosed the texts from Jake and let HR know that Jake went to HR to get OP fired in retaliation for OP rejecting his advances!”
“Jake is a TOTAL MOR*N! People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones! As a married man, Jake should have been smart enough to realize that if he tried to f*ck over OP she would likely retaliate by informing his wife and/or HR about Jake’s unwanted workplace advances to OP and even about OP’s affair with his side chick!” – bluejaybrother
“So he tried to get you fired (or at least reprimanded with something in your file) for what you do in the privacy of your own home, because you rejected his advances.”
“So you let his wife know that he has been pursuing you and another coworker, one of which he landed. What’s fair is fair… goose and gander or some sh*t. He tried to use your personal life to get you into work trouble and you used his work life to ruin his personal life… HAHA, love it.”
“Don’t be a d**k, and that kind of s**t won’t happen. NTA.” – Fit_Reason7319
“NTA.”
“Even if he had not reported you to HR as retaliation for refusing his sexual advances, you would still have been justified in telling his wife about his unwanted sexual advances toward you. The attempt to get you fired just makes it even more justified.”
“You ruined nothing in his life. He did it to himself.” – Pandoratastic
“NTA! He tried to get you fired from your job! You should take those texts to your HR as well. This way he can lose his job on top of his marriage, he deserves it if he’s gonna be a hypocritical a**hole.”
“And he ruined his own marriage by cheating on no one else, and he wasn’t even discreet! His wife knowing doesn’t change the facts. I absolutely hate it when people say you should mind your own business by withholding lies. It’s deceitful and enabling.”
“I’ve never quite understood people that think because somebody is poly or even those in an open marriage, that it means they are free game for funsies with everyone they encounter.” – Feisty_Fantastic4445
“The next time Jake tries to confront you, you should tell him, ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about Jake. I’m sorry to hear that you ruined your marriage.'” – rocketmn69_
Others were so disgusted by the coworker’s behavior and were glad he was called out.
“Some men act so entitled. And if she doesn’t want him, at least he can make her look like a s**t. (Strangely; she’s a s**t who can’t be bought by whatever currency he was bringing…)”
“I have had this happen to me by guys in pubs. One was turned down so many times that he took it upon himself to yell, ‘Wh**e! Wh**e! Wh**e!’ at me in the parking lot afterward, and then he kicked my friend’s bicycle, making her fall off. She had to go to the ER to have her leg X-rayed!” – Individual_You_6586
“This really is the better option because it’s more work-related as Jake tried to make it.” – TableDisastrous705
“NTA. Well done. His wife deserved to know. It’s laughable that he blames you. He decided to blow up his life when he cheated.”
“I’d report him to HR for the sexual harassment (bring receipts) and tell them his behavior now is also unacceptable as he is publicly accusing you of ruining his marriage. Your professional reputation is important, too.” – Ok-Try-857
“NTA. You saved his wife some wasted time before she found out. Your coworker is an id**t.”
“You should let HR know what’s going on because there’s a chance he will continue and escalate things further. Also, watch your back in your life outside of work.” – lostgravy
“She was kinda sweet. She could’ve brought all that to the attention of HR, and he would’ve been fired. Now he still has a job to pay for his alimony and maybe child support.” – Little_Donny
“NTA! I’d do the same thing! His divorce was coming anyway! Anyone who is married and is hiding a double life from their spouses is looking forward to karma! This was his! And you happened to be the face of Karma!” – Wild_Sense2277
The subReddit applauded the OP for coming forward about Jake’s behavior and felt it was time for him to get called out. Not only was he compromising his marriage and workplace, but by unnecessarily making something private public, he set himself up to be called out.