Moving in with a long term partner is a major decision.
So of course, that choice brings plenty of adjustments and even growing pains with it.
But as one Redditor outlined in her post on the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit, she couldn’t begin to predict the growing pains coming her way.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Intelligent-Dog2479 on the site, offered a glimpse of the problem in the post’s title.
“AITA for asking my boyfriend (bf) to pay rent?”
OP began with the key logistics at play.
“I (32-year-old female) have been dating my bf (35-year-old male) for a little over a year, and we have been exclusive for 10 months.”
“I bought a townhouse Feb 2021 and moved in Mar 2021. BF would stay over regularly and then moved in full time May 2021, after he had been laid off from his job because of covid.”
But it’s not all hunky dory.
“However, it has now been 7 months and he won’t get another job (he’s very qualified and totally capable).”
“He has been in construction for a long time, but he is tired of the physical toll the job has on his body and he’s trying to get into day trading.”
“I understand his situation, but I’m starting to get really resentful that he refuses to pay any sort of rent or utilities because I ‘chose to buy a house, and the bills that come along with that are my responsibility whether he’s here or not.’ ”
OP outlined her thoughts on that argument.
“He’s not wrong about that, BUT, I do feel that just because I have responsibilities that I chose to take on, he doesn’t deserves a free ride.”
“Especially not when he has money to spend on alcohol that he starts drinking at 11 am on an almost daily basis.”
And believe it or not, the most surprising detail was yet to come.
“He has said that if we can work out some sort of investment contract where he gets money back, he would consent to paying rent.”
“I think that’s ridiculous – wherever you live and pay rent, it’s going toward someone’s mortgage. Just because it happens to be your girlfriend’s mortgage doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything back.”
The OP was left wondering:
“AITA for thinking that if he wants to live here, and use my computer, and my internet, and leave windows open in the winter and run my gas bill up, and eat my food, he should be paying for it?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors told OP she wasn’t being an a**hole at all.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
“And this is when you take your key off his key ring and PACK HIS STUFF INTO TRASHBAGS AND PUT HIM AND STUFF OUTSIDE. Tell him you’re taking responsibility for taking out the damn trash and hell figure out somewhere else to live.”
“Damn Girl!! Find someone who is as motivated and up to your level instead of someone who uses/abuses you and your kindness.”
“You can get a better man than him. Hell a vibrator is a better man than him already…” — kristiswright
“NTA. But stop asking him to pay rent and just kick his a** out.”
“He’s a freeloading, lazy drinker. Why do you want him in your house at all?” — Temporary_Badger
“NTA. You have been exclusive with this person for 10 months. He had a job for 3 of those months you were dating and the rest he’s been mooching off you.”
“He’s living the life right now because he has free shelter, free heat, free food, free computer, free EVERYTHING.”
“Please kick this turd to the curb, OP. This is red flag galore.”
“This person in no way, shape, or form is a good life companion.”
“He even said that you paying all the bills doesn’t matter because with or without him they would still be there. He’s telling you to your face that he has no interest in helping you provide for the house he is definitely using his fair share of.” — BriaKhalifa
“NTA May I suggest that you dump him and boot his behind out of your house?”
“What you have there is a classic mooching situation, and he has latched onto you as his ‘sugar mama’.”
“He has no intention of doing anything other than sitting on his lazy behind, while eating your food, drinking booze, and playing video games on the internet you pay for. Dump him like yesterday.” — theDagman
Others weren’t quite as enthusiastic about the relationship ending, and suggested one final chance before calling it quits.
“You are being used, plain and simple. What would you say about a woman who moved into her bf’s flat, never paid a bill, and expected it to be okay into perpetuity.”
“You’re being used, he needs to put on his big boy pants and either pay rent or move out and pay it elsewhere.” — Responsible_Candle86
“NTA. ‘moved in full time May 2021’.”
“Full stop, then he needs to pay rent. I completely sympathize with not wanting to sell his body as a construction worker, but you’re not paying to finance his Wall Street bro dreams.”
“Either he gets a real job and contributes, or you kick him out. Simple as that.” — SanoSS7
“Your boyfriend is an a**hole, immature and acting entitled. You would still have the mortgage and home insurance if he didn’t live there.”
“But I bet food has gone up, electricity has gone up. But none of that really matters.”
“What matters is he is an adult and adults pay rent where they live. He is grossly taking advantage of you.”
“You said he could get a job but he won’t, he’s mooching off of you. Tell him he has 10 days to find a job or he needs to move out.” — milliebarnes
“He thinks he gets to live rent free because his girlfriend bought a house? Most adults pay to house themselves, be it rent or a mortgage.”
“You are inching towards a year of being taken advantage of.”
“I’d give him 30 days notice to move out (or whatever the minimum requirement is in your jurisdiction).”
“He’s being lazy and cheap… and a mooch. And being a mooch is not an attractive quality.” — GamingLegalQuestion
With Reddit’s help, OP may spend some time thinking hard about her future, and just will and won’t be in it.