Having children is a wonderful experience for many, but that does not mean none of us evermiss the things we did without the added responsibility of taking care of a child.
For some people, that’s watching their favorite TV shows, or shopping where they want to, or going to a favorite restaurant, no additional strings attached.
For one mother on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, her thing is taking trips with her best friend.
Redditor ohhoneyicried received serious pushback from her husband when she finally decided to do something about missing her friend and adventurous side.
So much so, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was in the wrong for missing it at all.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for planning a Disney trip without my kids or husband?”
The OP used to love to go on trips with her best friend.
“My ([Female] 26) best friend ([Female] 26) and I loved going to Disneyland together.”
“We stopped a couple of years ago when I started having kids. I have 2 kids under the age of 2 now.”
“We started to talk about how much fun it was in the past when we’d go and how we wish we could go again.”
So the OP and best friend decided to pick up where they left off.
“That’s when we decided, why not?”
“We plan for things super far in advance so we’re thinking of going fall 2022.”
“We both live in different states so we’d be reuniting while also going somewhere we love.”
But not everyone was excited about the plan.
“The problem is, that my husband thinks it’s selfish for me to go and not take my family with, as well.”
“My kids will be pretty young at the point, and even though it’s a place meant for kids, I don’t think they’d enjoy it as much compared to when they’re older. I plan on taking them when they can get the full experience (going on all the rides, etc).”
“Plus, vacations just aren’t full vacations when you have to watch your young kids. You can disagree with me, and I’m not saying it’s not fun, it’s just not as enjoyable.”
The OP struggled to see where her husband was coming from.
“My husband has gone on weekend trips without us and with his friends before, so I don’t see why it’s a big deal.”
He wouldn’t have a problem with me going to Vegas with my friends for a weekend, so what’s the difference?”
“AITA for planning this trip?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the planning in advance more than justified the OP taking a trip.
“NTA, you’re planning well in advance and you’re allowed to go out and be your own person.”
“You’re also right about them enjoying it more when they’re older. My parents took my sister and I when we were 9 and 7 and it was great! We were old enough to walk around on our own and also actually remember the vacation” – FieldOfCrows
“NTA. Go have fun. Maybe start planning with your husband what year you would like to take the family so there is something to look forward to.” – barbaramillicent
Others were quick to point fingers at the OP’s husband.
“It’s completely unfair for your husband to expect you to not go on trips with your friends when he can go out with his friends. NTA.” – dadbod-arcuser
“‘My husband has gone on weekend trips without us . . . ‘ There’s your MagicBand!!!”
“Seriously, two kids under two wouldn’t enjoy Disney any more than I would (not a fan). It’s a lot of walking, waiting, sun, excitement, and stimulation for little ones that age. In a few years, they’ll be able to fully enjoy the trip and you’ll get to enjoy really sharing one of your favorite places with them.”
“It’s not a big deal (to me). Not sure what hubby’s issue is and perhaps you should ask him why the difference between this trip and Vegas. If a solo to Vegas is okay, perhaps something else is going on besides your planning the trip.”
“If you decide to go and he’s still being a little p**sy about it, I’m pretty sure he’ll survive.”
“NTA.” – uppernwbear
“NTA – your husband is just dreading being the sole caregiver is my guess. He decided to be a father right next to you and goes on his own trips without the family, so time to step up.” – TheKangolese
“NTA – this doesn’t make any sense. It would be selfish if your kids were older and understood Disney and you made this whole big thing about you going without them and having lots of fun and not letting them have any fun. But that’s not what is going on.”
“Giving your husband the benefit of the doubt, he’s projecting onto the kids. He’s making up this idea that your children will feel sad or left out of an experience when that’s just not the case.”
“Assuming that’s not it…then he’s actually jealous or doesn’t want you to go on a trip without him/doesn’t want to have to parent alone while you’re gone.” – chrystalight
Some also pointed out the trip would not be the same with youngchildren.
“Also, you’d be paying a ridiculous amount of money for something they won’t remember. Save up and go when they’re 6-plus.” – hananobrio
“Completely agree. Took our son when he was five y/o, he was one of the last of his friends to go, a complete waste of money, didn’t remember any of it, got tired and cranky in the heat, and could only go on a few rides.”
“Took him again when he was eight y/o and had the best time, we still talk about what a wonderful trip it was almost ten years later. Eight or seven is the perfect age, they still believe in the magic of Disney and the characters but are also old enough to walk all day and enjoy most of the rides. Don’t waste your time and money taking toddlers.” – Reallynoreallyno
Though involving children in such a magical trip might be tempting, the subReddit made some excellent points about the age of the OP’s children and how functional the trip would actually be.
But most importantly, this whole conversation serves as a reminder that mothers were individuals with personal interests before they became mothers… and they can and should still be those individuals after their children are born.