All brides sparkle on their wedding days.
Some brides know what their dress will look like when they are five.
Others search and search through exhaustion to find that perfect fit.
So, telling a bride her dress is inadequate may not always go over well.
Redditor This-Rock-4028 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for Warning My Brother’s Fiancé Her Wedding Dress Might Cause Problems?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My brother is getting married soon, and his fiancée chose a very revealing wedding dress.”
“It’s low-cut, with a thigh-high slit and a sheer back.”
“I’m all for people wearing what they want, but our family is quite conservative and opinionated, and I know this dress will cause a lot of drama, especially with our grandparents (talking people walking out on the wedding kind of drama).”
“At a family dinner, I pulled her aside and gently suggested she might want to reconsider her choice, explaining the likely reactions from our older relatives.”
“I made sure to clarify that I absolutely respect it’s her choice and her special day but wanted to at least warn her of what could happen.”
“She got very upset and said it’s her wedding and she’ll wear whatever she wants.”
“My brother is now mad at me, accusing me of trying to control their wedding.”
“Some of my family members think I was just looking out for her, while others say I overstepped.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for telling my brother’s fiancée her wedding dress might be inappropriate for our conservative family?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“Why is your first inclination to tell her to find a different dress instead of telling her you have her back in case anything comes up?”
“Or better yet, just not telling her anything because that’s a surefire way to make her feel SUPER insecure about her body during her wedding.”
“YTA, Seems like the only drama that’s happening is because of you making a problem where there wasn’t one.” ~ OkInflation6174
“Gentle YTA.”
“The time to mention it would have been before she went shopping.”
“And even then, remember that it’s just your guess that your grandparents will embarrass themselves by huffing out in front of everyone because of a dress.”
“If she already picked out the dress, she’s likely both emotionally and financially quite invested in it.”
“This is not something she can easily change.”
“It does sound a bit controlling to come to her now- after she’s found the dress she loves- and to tell her she made the wrong choice.” ~ HowlPen
“The groom should have discussed it with her before the shopping.”
“I absolutely agree that now that the dress has been purchased, it’s more complicated, but if the family is likely to react as dramatically as OP suspects, the bride absolutely should have that information (and the sooner the better).”
“I think that the groom is the a**hole here.”
“Even if he doesn’t care about his family s**t-talking his bride/wife, she should know that it’s a plausible outcome.”
“If I picked out a dress that I loved, that my groom okay’d (either having seen it or by description), and his grandparents left the wedding out of disgust/aunts and uncles spent the whole wedding looking at me like a harlot/the family refused to put up wedding photos with those of other siblings/the skankiness of my wedding dress was a point of discussion for years.”
“I would be incredibly angry if my partner didn’t discuss these possibilities with me because he didn’t care.”
“The worst time for the bride to find out about this dynamic would be if people leave during the ceremony.”
“The second worst is the day of.”
“The more time she has to process and react, the better. “
“At the very least, she’ll at least be prepared to brush off any bulls**t that comes her way.”
“Maybe OP overstepped a little bit, but if this was the first/only time future SIL was hearing about the potential for these reactions I think OP did her a solid.” ~ girlyfoodadventures
“Let’s be clear who the real a**holes would be in this scenario, and that would be anybody who walks out of a wedding because the bride’s dress does not conform to their own ideals.” ~ BrinaGu3
“I agree, but I have to admit that I want to see the dress from the OP.”
“I would never walk out of a wedding because of the bride’s dress, and I’m not at all conservative, but even I have seen some dresses that make me uncomfortable.”
“The bride should wear what she wants, but when the top barely covers the nipples, there are going to be reactions.” ~ SincerelyCynical
“I think you’re missing the point.”
“Regardless of whether or not older conservative family members should keep their comments and opinions to themselves and just suck it up and enjoy the wedding, will they?”
“It’s not about those family members being right or wrong, we know they’re wrong, wrong, wrong.”
“However, if the bride knows they will be all judgmental and offended, is she willing to deal with that?”
“Is her husband willing to take her side and deal with his stupid family?”
“All things she should know before the situation escalates.”
“No, she shouldn’t have to deal with any of that, but that’s not the point.” ~ magicpenny
“Exactly. And she’s marrying into the family, so she needs to be prepared if it’s going to be this way because it won’t end at the wedding.”
“Then she and the groom can choose how to deal with this – he stands up for her or she decides it’s not worth battling this the rest of her life.”
“Being ‘Reddit right’ doesn’t always translate to the real world.”
“She’s not marrying Reddit, she’s marrying a guy with a very conservative family.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ random-sh1t
“Agree. I don’t think she should have suggested changing dresses but focus just on the warning.”
“Like ‘Hey your dress is amazing. You’re gonna look great!'”
“‘I just wanted to let you know our grandparents have been rude/vocal/etc about anything outside their conservative standards.'”
“‘Hopefully, they don’t do anything at your wedding, but I wanted to let you know so you could at least be on alert/emotionally prepared/not caught off guard in case they do say something.’”
“OP could have then offered to stand up for SIL or made an Additional point to show support for SIL.”
“OP could also have shared a story of when grandparents acted out of sorts to back up claims.” ~ Dino-chicken-nugg3t
“But we all know that’s not how things actually work because you’re asking AHs to not be AHs.”
“You can tell the people who are AHs that they shouldn’t be, but it’s unlikely for them to change.”
“Warning someone that other people might be AHs because of something they have control over is just preparing them.”
“Personally I’d much rather know in advance and have a choice about what I’m going to do rather than be blindsided on the day.”
“If that means keeping my dress and telling the groom to sit his extended family in the back row so they can walk out if they want then so be it.”
“But really the groom should have explained all of this before she went dress shopping.”
“OP didn’t tell her she had to change the dress, just to be aware that it might not go down well.”
“She wasn’t being malicious about it.” ~ Perfectly2Imperfect
“I would like to know where OP is from or what cultures are being represented here.”
“American wedding culture is very individualistic: Your wedding, your day, the bride is in charge, etc etc. Indian wedding culture is community-oriented: it’s about two families meeting and joining, not only about the two individuals.”
“In a cross-cultural ceremony, OP would not be the a-hole at all.”
“In fact, the brother is the a**hole for not letting his future wife know that her choice of dress could cause problems.”
“Many Americans can’t seem to understand that weddings aren’t all the same and that their conception of an American wedding doesn’t mean that everyone has to follow all the same traditions or keep the same priorities.”
“I can completely see this being a NTA because it’s not about controlling the bride’s body, it’s also about the comfort of the guests at the wedding.” ~ KanishkT123
“YTA. ‘Might be inappropriate for our conservative family?’ .. if that is the case, the dress is NOT the problem.”
“Your AH family is.”
“You MASSIVELY overstepped.”
“‘She got very upset and said it’s her wedding and she’ll wear whatever she wants.’… this is the only reasonable answer. “
“You can be glad you are still invited.”
“And her reaction to you shows she is well capable of handling all the other AHs who cause drama like you did.” ~ Excellent-Count4009
“YTA. No one asked your opinion.”
“You could have asked if she wanted feedback on her dress or your relatives.”
“You could have spoken to your brother about it if there is some reason to believe he is unaware of your family.”
“Instead of talking to her, how about talking to your relatives about not also being a**holes?” ~ RutabagaConsistent60
“Here’s the thing: OP is the a**hole for being the one who enforces the conservative standards in the guise of being helpful…”
“’I’m all for people wearing what they want, but our family is quite conservative and opinionated, and I know this dress will cause a lot of drama.'”
“The above is a lie.”
“If OP was actually all for people wearing what they want, she wouldn’t say anything.”
“Instead she’s taken it upon herself to enforce the conservative standard, and in so doing sets/reinforces those standards.
“F**k OP.” ~ WhydIJoinRedditAgain
Well, OP, Reddit understands your plight but questions your actions.
The real villain is clearly the family IF they react the way you say they will.
You may want to reach out and try it with a little more finesse.
And let the happy couple know you have their back.
Good luck.