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Dad Makes Wife Sleep On Couch After She Leaves Him With Their Six-Month-Old On His Day Off

Photo by Marcin Jozwiak/Unsplash

Having kids is a full time job.

Even when there are two parents, the work is hard.

Parents need communication and some time off.

Or chaos can erupt…

Case in point…

Redditor Account2436 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for making my wife sleep on the couch?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Me (28 M[ale]) and my wife (26 F[emale]) have a 6-month-old little girl together, that still needs formula and milk.”

“I work and my wife usually takes care of her.”

“Whenever I get days off from work I’ll take care of our daughter and my wife can just get a break.”

“Sometimes she visits friends or other times she just stays home and relaxes.”

“Three days ago was a day off for me and for the week prior I told my wife that I was going to take this ONE day to myself after a long time of no breaks.”

“Come the day of my relaxation, my wife wakes me up to tell me she’s leaving to go out with friends and to ‘take care of my daughter’.”

“She left before I could really say much and I was livid.”

“I obviously can’t just ignore our daughter so I took care of her for the entire day and had multiple times where I was just sitting next to her because I knew something was about to happen.”

“I was usually right in those situations.”

“In some of my brief moments of freedom I called my wife to tell her that she should come home and I would like some form of a break for one day.”

“Finally I grabbed a pillow and blanket and threw them on the couch and waited for her to come home.”

“When she did I told her next time I had a day off I’m taking a change of clothes to my car so there is no chance of a repeat today.”

“I then told her the baby was asleep and that I’m getting the bedroom to myself tonight.”

“I went to sleep in the middle of the bed spread eagle style so she wouldn’t move back in next to me.”

“The next morning my wife told me that I was an AH for doing that and bringing a change of clothes to my car next time wouldn’t be necessary.”

“I don’t feel like I did anything wrong here but maybe I did.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. I think you were very restrained.”

“Your wife deserves a break sometimes, but so do you.”

“Her taking off early in the morning when she knew it was your break day was a true AH move on her part.”

“You making her sleep on the couch was awesome.”

“I’m sure some folks will call you an AH for that move.”

“But here’s the deal.”

“If the roles were reversed, I doubt if your wife would have been kind enough to let you sleep on the couch.”

“You might have been sleeping in the car.”

“I think you did absolutely nothing wrong.”

“The only AH in this story is the woman who you made sleep on the couch.”  ~ DistrictEquivalent79

“NTA… It’s important to give each other breaks.”

“The fact that she took off when it was supposed to be his break is messed up.”

“But… Don’t let this become a resentment, you don’t want it to become a war.”  ~ cooradical

“My mum gave me the same advice, and honestly it made sense to me.”

“It’s our bed not mine, I have no grounds to kick him out of it, anymore than he does me.”

“If I wanted space I’ll go sleep on the couch myself.”

“But it would have to be some very serious crap for me to make that call.”

“I’ve also had a lot of sudden losses in my life (many family, but some friends as well) and I make a very strong point to always finish a phone call, visit, whatever with ‘i love you’ even if I’m mad.”

“I never want that person to think my love is conditional to me being happy, or the good times or whatever.”

“And I would hate for that to be the last sentiment they had if that was our last conversation.”

“I’ve been with my hubby for 12 years, and my parents are still happily married 33 years later.”

“We’ve seen some crap, and walked through some personal hells together.”

We agreed early on to this rule too.”

“NTA, OP.”

“You were clear about what you wanted.”

“But maybe going forward work together on communication and what boundaries look like for both parties.”

“For some reason your remark about sitting there because you ‘knew something was going to happen’ is sitting really funny with me though.”

“And I can’t quite articulate what’s off about it.”  ~ theADHDdynosaur

“For me the ESH comes from how your day off was framed originally.”

“You ‘told your wife’ that you were going to have a day off, but you don’t mention there being a discussion about it.”

“Did she acknowledge it? Did she ignore it?”

“Did she fight it, or say she needed another day as well?”

“What was her reaction to you ‘telling’ her that you were taking a full day to yourself?”

“This whole situation feels like you tell your wife something, or your wife tells you something.”

“It just sounds like you both keep talking AT each other, but no one talks WITH each other.”

“It might just be phrasing in your post because you’re tired/frustrated, but that’s what I am seeing.”  ~ numbersthen0987431

“Nothing is easy with a baby, especially if he isn’t doing his night yet.”

“People, remember that before commenting.”

“Now; she knew you put a day off for yourself and seemed to know perfectly what she was doing when she trapped you.”

“This is not an adult behavior.”

“If she had a problem with how you both do with the baby, she should TELL.”

“She messed up, you showed her you were pissed. NTA.”

“But you’ll need to learn to communicate (or just she?) Cause you’re a family now.”

“The baby needs a healthy one.”

“Good luck.”  ~ Limbo374

OP wanted to explain…

“Edit: Apparently this needs clarification.”

“She acknowledged and agreed to my day off.”

“I take care of my daughter every morning evening and some nights.”

“I DO NOT only pay attention to her on days off.”

Reddit continued…

“NTA. From your post it seems your wife gets regular breaks, and on this occasion you stated you’d like one on this particular day.”

“Then she tells you on that day she’s leaving and goes.”

“Could you have handled the end better, yes.”

“Could she have communicated better and been more mindful yes.”

“Having a small child is exhausting.”

“But if she’s getting the regular breaks you’ve stated her going back on her word and essentially running out for the day makes her the AH.”  ~ scatterbrainedscot

“NTA. Just to add to team effort part.”

“I find it weird that she just goes off for the whole day especially since he is pretty involved parent majority of the time.”

“I get she would want to go out every now and then but every week seems executive.”

“If they were both contributing on his day off but then maybe each of them got to do what they wanted for a couple if hours it would give them both a break.”

“Even now my child is 3 we don’t really just disappear for the whole day, most of the time we will just do activities as family.”  ~ mimimidu

“NTA… you work 6 days a week, it’s not unreasonable to want to have one day a month for you to chill.”

“How about 1 day a month you take off.”

“One day a month she takes off.”

“One day a month you get a sitter so you and your wife can enjoy time together.”

“And one day a month you both stay home and be a family, helping each other out.”  ~ mca2021

“NTA. You communicated to your wife that you intended to take the day off.”

“Every other day off, you’ve given to her and you wanted one day to yourself.”

“She blindsided you and disappeared before you could stop her.”

“Which seems very intentional rather than, ‘Oops, I forgot, sorry!'”

“You gave her a chance to be respectful of your request and she trampled all over you.”

“You made it clear that next time your boundary would be respected at all costs.”  ~ ADHDLifer

Parenting is hard and this is living proof.

Reddit agrees with you OP.

You need time too.

Everybody needs time.

Maybe you and wife can sit and read through all of this.

You’re in stressful times. Be calm.

Good luck.