For many, planning a dinner party can be rather stressful.
There are so many elements involved in the process.
And the more often they’re done, the more that’s expected.
One of the biggest issues is money.
Food costs add up.
But how much is too much?
Case in point…
Redditor Background_Egg107 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not inviting my friend’s husband to dinner because he eats way too much?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friend has been married for a year now to her firefighter husband.”
“She is the only one in the friend group that is married.”
“I usually host dinners every couple of months, and we are going to do a late one for the holidays on Friday.”
“I usually invite him, but money has gotten tight due to the holidays, and he eats so much.”
“I understand why but it always results in my having to double recipes or I run out of food.”
“So this time, I told everyone that I want to just do a girl’s night.”
“This means my friend’s husband is not invited.”
“If he isn’t there, then there is enough food for everyone without double recipes.”
“She called me up asking why I was doing a girl’s night.”
“I told her the truth, that I can’t afford to make double for dinner, and her husband eats a lot.”
“She called me a jag off, and now she is telling my friends why.”
“Everyone is split, and no one is offering to help with the food bill.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole, others felt a bit different.
“When I go spend time with friends who are tight on funds, I make sure to bring my own food, or expect to pay for pizza or something.”
“I’d never expect them to fund my meals.”
“Particularly if I knew I was a big eater.” ~ bmyst70
“And friend and husband should have chipped in with a big dish of something and a bottle of wine.”
“How do 2 people think that they’re regularly going to for dinner at someone’s house and not contribute.”
“Husband has no manners.”
“But, OP let it go on too long.”
“In my opinion, husband shouldn’t have been there to begin with.” ~Future-Win4034
“Low key, this.”
“It’s really frustrating when couples think they count as one and aren’t considerate of the fact that it takes at least twice as much to accommodate them.”
“Also, I offer to bring something/contribute, every time someone invites me for dinner.”
“A little manners would go a long way for this friend and her hubs, but I guess that’s not as fun as (un)righteous indignation.” ~ GoldHardware
“Oh man I had a weekend guest one time, I made this nice pot roast for dinner and was gonna serve the leftovers for lunch the next day, seemed reasonable since it was three of us and a baby.”
“And he wasn’t a bodybuilder or anything–large-framed but an IT guy.”
“He kept saying how good the meal was, and then HE ATE HALF OF THE ROAST IN ONE SITTING YOU GUYS!!”
“I had to scramble to figure out lunch.”
“And we’re low-budget farm people who make everything from scratch and can’t just drop everything and drive to the store, and he was paleo, so I had to dig through the freezer and think of a recipe… that was large enough.”
“And I gotta say it was a factor in not going out of my way to invite him again.”
“He’s still a good friend, but not every friend is a good houseguest.” ~ Crooked-Bird-0
“No offense, but if you invite people and cook for them, expect the food to be eaten instead of keeping leftovers for yourself.”
“If there are leftovers, that’s a nice bonus, but come on… If you’d have dinner at someone’s place, would you hold back because you assumed they wanted to keep a portion of the served food for themselves later?”
“That sounds very strange to me and unhospitable.”
“As someone else wrote, if you don’t have the money, don’t host a dinner.”
“Or ask people to bring their own food.” ~ Bulky-Performance-72
“I can put away literally an entire Costco pizza without too much trouble.”
“I grew up fat, and despite losing weight, my appetite never went away.”
“Point being I can absolutely pack food away.”
“But I am 1000% mindful of making sure I never eat more than the average person at a gathering like this unless there’s an extreme abundance of food or the host is starting to tell people to get more food.”
“I also host sometimes, and I know how it works.”
“I over-order or overcook.’
“And using the example of pizza, everyone starts out with 2, maybe 3 slices.”
“No one should grab 4 or more until everyone has had a good amount.”
“And then if there’s some left and people aren’t going for more and it’s just sitting there, then you can think about getting more.”
“Until then, you fu**ing control yourself like an adult.”
“It’s not that hard to be aware of yourself relative to others, but I feel like in most contexts, the vast majority of people are clueless.”
“No one moves to the side on the sidewalk.”
“People leave their carts blocking the entire aisle in the grocery store.”
“A dumb** pigs out at a dinner he’s invited to, leaving little for the rest of the guests.”
“Drivers are completely oblivious to other cars on the road and don’t seem to ever notice turn signals or someone trying to make a turn somewhere while traffic is stopped and if you just held a small gap they could do it and it costs you nothing but being slightly aware of your surroundings.”
“I wish people were more fu**ing aware.”
“But most of us are just thinking only about ourselves the whole time.”
“It’s like other people and their needs don’t exist.” ~ facforlife
“I have rarely been to a dinner party where the host wasn’t encouraging everyone to please take home leftovers or piling plates higher and higher because they made so much food.”
“Not sure I can remember someone going hungry because another guest ate 2 or even 3 servings.”
“It seems this also happens to you so frequently that I’d think all of your future dinner guests should eat a pretty hearty snack before coming over and then maybe problem solved.”
“I do understand it sounds like money is very tight for you, but I don’t know that inviting people for dinner and serving exactly the amount of food that YOU think that many people should eat is going to make for fun dinners.” ~ AncientSwimmer1879
“NTA. It’s weird to me that she questioned it being a girl’s night.”
“That seems self-explanatory, and sometimes you don’t want to do couples’ things.”
“Maybe you were blunt in how you handled it, I’m not sure, but she was way ruder to not acknowledge what you’re saying and calling you names.”
“My husband’s best friend eats a ton and would totally clear us out at potlucks (while not bringing anything to contribute), so I told my husband to either talk to him about manners or stop inviting him.”
“People like this are super rude, expecting everyone else to accommodate them.”
“Also, firefighters should know how to cook since they spend time at firehouses.”
“Dude should be bringing a giant dish to share.” ~ friendly
“If one of the guests is eating more than you consider affordable, why didn’t you dish up the meal (or at least, more expensive portions thereof) onto the plates before it gets to the dinner table rather than serving everything family-style?”
“That could’ve allowed you to ensure everyone has a fair share and no one went without.” ~ Ok-Status-962
“Is he insisting on more food?”
“You also didn’t need to tell her the real reason if you didn’t want to, and you’ve probably made him feel shi**y.”
“To be honest, if money is tight, maybe don’t host dinners?”
“Or ask everyone to bring a dish?”
“Then you have to pay for less yourself, and they can double up their own recipe.”
“YTA and should probably have just told the group it’s getting expensive and you are happy to host, but bringing dishes/contributing to the cost would help instead of singling out one person and making them feel guilty for eating.”
“But I understand times are tough, and money is tight for everyone, so it can be really difficult, so I do feel for you in that sense.” ~ PossessionMinimum862
OP had a response…
“He eats two to three servings.”
“He eats more than everyone else, so if I don’t double it, some of the girls will be hungry if he gets his fill since he will eat it all.”
“Another option is he is still hungry, which seems to be a no since that happened the first time, and everyone was upset.”
People are still hungry; that’s the issue. The first time it happened, two of the girls had to order some takeout since they were still starving.
The went up for seconds since it was a small first plate and there was no more food.
He eats two to three servings, also a fast eater.”
Reddit continued…
“ESH. There’s nothing wrong with hosting a girl’s night only and I don’t see why your friend would even question this.”
“They should also pitch in and help out. I’m the chef for my family and friends, and once things get too expensive, I ask for people to pitch in, and they do it.”
“Honestly, I find it hard to believe one person puts you that much over budget.”
“Is he eating the equivalent of 3 people?”
“I could see him eating double portions, but if one person eating double portions is too much, I doubt you were making enough food anyway.”
“I think it’s rude to blame one person for all this when really I think the problem is you either need to ask your friends to pitch in or make something more affordable.” ~ username698321
“If your budget is that tight, don’t host a dinner party.”
“Girl’s night doesn’t sound bad, just do it potluck style or a snacks/movie night maybe, have people bring some snacks and wine, nothing expensive or fancy but still a nice get-together.” ~ CypherBob
OP came back with an update…
“I will give the group the option to Venmo me some money or change it to a potluck.”
But then the OP changed their mind altogether.
“Never mind I will be canceling it.”
Well, OP, Reddit seems divided.
In the end, your house, your rules.
Next time, maybe a little more nuance when delivering the truth can help.
Good luck with the parties, if there are going to be any more.