As much of a bummer as this might be, in 2024, we live in a world where nothing is getting any more affordable.
If a person really wants something, they have to find a way to save up for it. And if a person has poor spending habits and suddenly has to come up with money for an emergency surgery, that’s going to be harder to do than ever before, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor True-Strawberry-9409 had spent the past year saving up money with her partner so that they could take their first romantic, international trip together. Everything had already been paid for.
Her brother, on the other hand, had poor spending habits and did not have the money he needed when he suddenly needed an important dental surgery.
But the Original Poster (OP) was still shocked when her family pressured her to give up the trip she’d worked hard for so she could fund her brother’s surgery entirely out of her pocket.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to cancel my vacation after my brother demanded I pay for his “emergency” surgery instead?”
The OP and her partner had been planning their vacation for the past year.
“So, here’s the situation. I (30 Female) have been planning a two-week vacation to Europe with my partner for the past year.”
“We’ve both saved up a lot of money for this trip, and it’s a big deal for us because we’ve never been on a major vacation together before.”
“The flights, hotels, and everything have already been paid for.”
But then an emergency came up with the OP’s brother.
“Last week, my brother (35 Male) called me in a panic, saying he needs emergency surgery for a dental issue. It’s not life-threatening, but his tooth infection is bad, and it needs to be dealt with soon.”
“He doesn’t have insurance (it’s a long story involving bad financial decisions), and the procedure is going to cost about ten thousand dollars.”
“He asked me to loan him the money, but there’s no way I have an extra $10K lying around after paying for this vacation.”
“When I told him that, he got mad and said I should cancel my trip to help him, since ‘family comes first.’ He even suggested I ask for refunds on the flights and hotels, as though that would magically solve the problem.”
“I told him I felt bad for his situation, but I wasn’t going to cancel a trip we’d been planning for a year over his poor financial choices, especially when this isn’t a life-or-death situation.”
Even the OP’s mother took a side in the situation.
“He lost it, called me selfish, accused me of abandoning him in his time of need, and got our mom involved.”
“Now, my mom is pressuring me to cancel and help him out, saying it’s ‘just a vacation’ and that I can always reschedule.”
“But I don’t think it’s fair that I should be expected to sacrifice something I’ve worked hard for because my brother can’t handle his own responsibilities. Is he lying about the cost to drain me of my money or something?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP’s mom should pay instead of expecting one of her kids to.
“Obviously NTA. And I must ask, how much is mom contributing, since she’s butting in?” – noplaceinmind
“Does mom have a reason for not contributing?”
“Oh wait, yes, I forgot, yes, she does. It costs her nothing to spend the OP’s money instead.” – TexasYankee212
“It’s really funny how ‘family comes first,’ but OP’s brother isn’t putting OP first.”
“All of the labor, sacrifice, mental load, and ACTUAL financial responsibility of that vacation should be dismissed… because OP doesn’t come first.” – CassTitov
“NTA. Mum can lend him the money if she is so concerned. Go, enjoy your hard-earned vacation.” – Financial_Bear_5071
“Jeez, I don’t know where you live, but I live in the Boston area, and when I broke a tooth, it got infected. I got put to sleep, had bone grafting to prep for implant, had the tooth extracted, and it cost me 500 dollars. I thought that was expensive.”
“The implant, being put to sleep again, and the service is supposed to cost around 1,200 dollars.”
“OP, your brother may have a tooth infection but me thinks someone is not telling the whole truth.”
“Even if the cost is as high as some people are mentioning, it shouldn’t cost more than a few grand. Has he gotten a second or third quote for this overly-priced infection? I think he wants ten thousand dollars to possibly pay off debt or something.”
“The whole idea of you canceling your trip is not gonna get him the amount of money he is hoping for. Dooooo Noooooot cancel your trip for his dental issues.”
“If your mom is upset, why isn’t she helping him out? You do you!”
“Most definitely NTA! In fact, your brother is TA for thinking it okay to ask someone to cancel a trip they have been planning for a year because he has a yucky mouth!” – Abott6pack
Others pointed out that ten thousand dollars was an obscene amount for a dental procedure.
“Even if the OP’s brother screwed himself over badly enough to not have insurance (I REALLY want to hear that story, start to finish, because WOW), Care Credit is a thing.”
“I also want to know what dental procedure costs ten thousand that deals in infections, because I’ve been through a load of dental procedures and none of them came close to that amount!” – chiitaku
“My son just had a root canal for an infected molar. He elected to save the tooth, which will cost about 3,200 dollars, including a crown. He was also told the tooth could be pulled for just 300 dollars. I’m thinking ten thousand sounds awfully high.”
“And also, the brother can take out a loan or see if the dentist has a payment program. Many of them do.”
“I think he would rather sponge off his sister and most likely never pay it back. NTA.” – Such_Ad9962
“My first thought was that was that this procedure isn’t going to cost that much.”
“My second thought was that bills from urgent dental procedures that aren’t covered by insurance are usually sent to his home after the procedure is finished. Even hypothetically if OP offered to pay, she could ask to see the bill/claim and pay the dental office directly.”
“My third thought was that the brother probably would have demanded that OP pay him directly and not the dentist which is total bulls**t because he doesn’t need the money for a dental procedure. He chose a dental procedure because it’s not like OP can open his mouth and check that the surgery actually happened.”
“That money would be gone GONE and OP would have been funding another one of his shitty financial decisions.”
“NTA. He’s trying to scam you.” – Jasperjamboree
“I had ALL my top teeth removed due to infection and poor jaw health… Thanks, genetics… AND got a full top plate. I paid cash, and it cost me less than 2,000 dollars.”
“My s**t’s not top of the line, but god bless DixieLand Dental. The wait is insane, it took 24+ hours of calling just to make an appointment, but their prices are great. If I can have multiple teeth pulled AND get a top plate for 2,000 dollars, bro’s blowing smoke to screw his sister over.”
“NTA, and as a sufferer of tooth infection for the better part of 25 years, he’ll either survive the pain or find a way, not you, to fix it.”
“He’s five years your senior; HE should be helping YOU… or he should at least be proud of his sister for making far better financial decisions than he has. NTA.” – HeyPrettyLadyMaaam
“Here’s the the thing. I think he’s getting an extraction AND an implant. That would still leave him with four-to-six-thousand dollars of ‘fun money’ from what he tricked out of the OP.”
“The worst part is that this likely would take multiple sessions, so the brother shouldn’t even have to pay all of this money, if it’s really required, in one go. Plus there are other programs out there when the insurance is not enough or non-existent.”
“The OP definitely should not give him the money. The brother has other options than manipulating her but he just wants the OP to make it easier for him.”
“Also, I’m assuming since the OP said she AND her partner have been planning this trip that she AND her partner have been paying for it, which makes this trip money BOTH of their money. Either way, the OP and her partner will never see that money again, either, if she gives it to him.” – Easy-Concentrate2635
“I am willing to bet 20 dollars right now that the ten thousand includes an implant. He’s not just getting an extraction. He’s getting CBCT (Cone Beam Computed Tomography), sedation, bone grafting, implant, possibly PRF (Platelet Rich Fibrin), and tissue guide. There is no way this is a bare-bones extraction.”
“I lost my back molar to an infection. The stupid thing wasn’t cracked or anything… No cavity… The dentist was actually stumped when he got it out, wondering how it was infected.”
“I asked about an implant before it was removed, and the dentist just said, ‘Try to go without it. If you can’t stand it, I’ll tell you what the implant costs.'”
“I do not have said implant… It’s fine. What the brother is trying to do to the OP is not fine. NTA, OP.” – HawksAndStuff
The subReddit was shocked by how the OP was being treated and urged her not only to enjoy her vacation instead of helping her brother out, but to also potentially put some permanent distance between herself and her family members who would expect her to always put “family first.”