When staying at a family member’s house, it’s typically important to follow their house rules as a guest.
But if one of the rules seems absurd to you, is it wrong to call it out and perhaps even disobey it, or is it better to keep your mouth shut and suck it up?
Redditor BeatrxKiddox recently clashed with her mother-in-law (MIL) over her odd demand about sleeping arrangements, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was wrong for how she reacted.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my MIL that her rules for letting us stay in her house are ‘ridiculous’?”
The original poster (OP) laid out the circumstances that led her family to stay with her MIL in the first place.
“We had a severe plumbing issue occur at our house recently. Insurance will cover it, but the house is virtually uninhabitable until that happens (our second story bathtub is currently hanging halfway into the kitchen!)”
“My husband’s mom graciously extended an invitation for he and I and our two kids to sleep over at her house for a week or two while repairs are being done. We accepted and upon arrival everything was fine. (We have had a rocky past, but at this point his mother and I usually are pretty cordial).”
But when it came time for bed, that’s when things took a turn.
“After dinner we went to put the kids in bed in the pullout couch in their TV room. She stopped us and said ‘if you do that, where will you two be sleeping?'”
“And my husband looked at her confused. ‘In the guest suite….?'”
“She looked completely shocked. ‘Under my roof? Absolutely not. You (talking to my husband) can have the guest suite, but she sleeps somewhere else.'”
The OP and her husband were shocked by the request, and struggled to hide their bewildered amusement.
“My husband sort of laughed in amazement and said ‘you’re going to make my wife sleep in the living room when there’s a perfectly good queen sized bed for us both?'”
“His mom all but shuddered, she said ‘oh my God, why are you even making me think about this? I don’t want to think about my son in bed with a woman!'”
“We’ve been married eight years. At this point I just started to smother a smile. I seriously could not help it.”
The OP’s MIL, however, did not see the humor in it.
“Her face had gone red as a tomato and she looked so genuinely gobsmacked. She turned to me and snapped ‘what’s funny here?’ I replied ‘I’m sorry, (her name).'”
“She asked again ‘What’s funny? What’s so funny to you? Do you have to act like a child about everything?'”
“So I responded, ‘this is all just a little ridiculous.'”
“She stormed out of the room after giving us both the finger (and f**k if that didn’t make me laugh harder) and went upstairs. She pretty much slammed her bedroom door behind her.”
Despite everything, the OP and her husband honored his mom’s request.
But that apparently wasn’t enough.
“That night my husband gave me the guest suite and he slept with our kids on the pullout sofa. We left and went to my parents’ the next day where they had no issue allowing us to share a room.”
“His mother has requested an apology from both of us for disrespecting her home, but my husband hasn’t responded to that text and honestly we don’t even know how.”
“AITA?”
Redditors then weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While they assured the OP she was NTA, they had some shocking revelations for her MIL.
“NTA.”
“You have two kids. Where does she think they came from? 😂”—dftaylor
“Immaculate conception worked for Mary and Joseph, why is it too good for OP and her husband??”
“OP please move into an airbnb….this is just going to destroy that ‘cordial’ relationship you have with your MIL.”—Emergency_Yard_6009
“NTA. OP is not the one being ‘childish’ while MIL can’t handle the idea of her son sleeping next to his wife and mother of his children. A mature adult should be able to handle that idea.”—TheHatOnTheCat
“My petty a** would call MIL and say ‘We are so sorry, we didn’t realize. Since the thought of us being intimate is so upsetting to you, we probably shouldn’t bring the kids around. Cuz that’s how they came to be and stuff..'”
“So bewildering. NTA.”—femmemalin
“Haha a couple of years ago my mom and I were watching a movie together and there was a sex scene and she instinctively reached over to cover my eyes. I was 27, and married.”
“I told her ‘listen, lady, if you really want the grandkids you keep asking for, I think it’s time we accept I know about sex.'”—ScaryPearls
Some questioned if maybe there are some underlying issues between the OP and her MIL.
“Judging by the story I feel like MIL has some issues with OP. Why the hell else would she act so insane?”—UltimateWerewolf
“I was wondering the exact same thing.”
“They’ve been married for a long time, and have children for Pete’s sake!”
“I was hoping either OP or OP’s husband was going to raise the question, would you and dad expect to sleep in the same bed if the situation was reversed?”
“Childish? There’s only one person acting childish that is mentioned in the post…”
“If it were my child, I’d be happy knowing that their relationship was healthy, since they informed her of the ridiculousness of her request.”—FretlessMayhem
Maybe the OP should give her MIL a taste of her own medicine.
“This MIL has it right. Next time my parents are visiting I am going to make them sleep in separate rooms.”
“They are in their 70’s, have been married for over 50 years and have 2 kids, but I don’t like the idea that they might have sex. Hey, my house my rules.”—Triatomine
‘It’s even funnier when you are the product of their marriage, I think!”—TeamChaos17
“My parents have been married 45 years and would welcome, encourage, and plead with me to make them sleep separately.”—evilshenanigan
As for an apology, Redditors had a few different ideas.
“NTA, MIL is bonkers. I would reverse UNO her request for an apology.”—Obakewriter
“At the very least text back that she should not expect an apology.”—mikeyj198
“Well I personally think that OP should apologize to keep the peace.”
“As in, ‘dear MIL, I’m sorry for making you aware that I had intercourse with your son and that the kids are actually his biological kids – this must be quite jarring. I am also sorry that I didn’t record your tantrum to post on YouTube – we’d be rich if I had. My bad on both counts.'”—ClutterRenegade
“Or go the other route: ‘I can assure you that I had only the noblest intentions. I can assure you that I have never, and will never, have sex with your son. The very concept is repulsive to me’.”
“She what she makes of that…”—Ozryela
“NTA and wow! Your MIL has more issues than National Geographic.”
“Considering that the two of you did wind up following her rules and did wind up not sleeping together while under her roof, you did wind up following her rules.”
“As far as I can see, the only things you could have possibly done to ‘disrespect’ her is that you took the guest suite instead of your husband and then left to stay somewhere else – basically, you left her control. So, no, neither you nor your husband owe her an apology.”
“Besides, it was her who gave you the finger.”—bamf1701
Unless the OP’s MIL can wrap her mind around her son being intimate with another person, she’s in for a rude awakening when her family decides they’d rather not stay at her house in the future.