We all want to help our family whenever we can.
But our offering to help is, by all means, an act of generosity.
When the family begins expecting our help without offering it, things become more problematic.
As it leaves us with the impression that they don’t truly value our time.
Redditor Aggravating_Value956 recently found herself in such a situation when her sister repeatedly asked the original poster (OP) for her help, sometimes at a moment’s notice.
Having finally decided that enough was enough, the OP told her sister that she would only continue to offer this help on one condition.
A condition the OP’s sister couldn’t believe she was asking, even going so far as to call the OP “selfish.”
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids for free anymore?”
The OP explained why she finally felt the need to give her sister an ultimatum:
“I (29 F[emale]) have been babysitting my sister Lily’s (35 F) kids—Ben (8 M[ale]) and Ella (5F)—for years.”
“Lily is a single mom, and I love my niece and nephew dearly.”
“I’ve always been happy to help out, especially since Lily has a demanding job and often needs someone to watch the kids in the evenings or on weekends.”
“However, recently, it’s started to feel like I’m being taken for granted.”
“What started as the occasional evening has turned into me watching the kids 3–4 times a week, sometimes for entire weekends.”
“Lily doesn’t even ask anymore; she just tells me, ‘You’re free Friday night, right?’ or ‘I’m dropping the kids off in an hour’.”
“I work full-time, and I have my own life and responsibilities.”
“Babysitting this often has started to take a toll on me, both mentally and socially.”
“I’ve had to cancel plans with friends multiple times because Lily ‘needed’ me.”
“She never offers to pay me, even for long stretches, and while I don’t expect to profit from helping family, it would be nice to feel appreciated.”
“Last week, Lily asked me to watch the kids for an entire weekend because she wanted to go on a trip with her friends.”
“I told her I couldn’t, as I already had plans.”
“She got upset and said I was being selfish, claiming I ‘don’t understand how hard it is to be a single mom’.”
“At that point, I calmly told her that I love her and the kids, but I can’t keep babysitting for free whenever she wants.”
“I suggested she look into hiring a sitter or finding a daycare service when I’m unavailable.”
“She flipped out, calling me ‘ungrateful’ and saying family should help each other without expecting anything in return.”
“Now, some of our relatives are weighing in.”
“A few agree with me, but others think I’m being unreasonable and that I should ‘just suck it up’ since I don’t have kids of my own.”
“I feel bad because I know Lily is struggling, but I also feel like I’m being used.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to babysit her sister’s kids unless she was paid.
Everyone agreed that if anyone was being selfish or ungrateful in this situation, it was Lily, who they felt was clearly taking advantage of the OP and ignoring how much of her time the OP had given up to come to her rescue, most of the time for nonemergent situations:
“NTA.”
“Reach out to your sister via text, include all the family telling you to suck it up, and state.”
“’Hey sis, these loving family members have said how important it is for family to help family’.”
“‘Please include them in your babysitting roster’.”
“‘It is so generous of them to give of my time, I’m sure they won’t mind me giving of their time’.”- BluePopple
“Having children does not make your life and free time more important than those of people who do not have children.”
“‘I love your children, but I need to cut back on the babysitting’.”
“‘It is taking up too much of my time’.”
“‘Please remove me from your list of possible sitters for the time being’.’
“‘I will let you know when I am available’.”
“‘Please DO NOT drop off your children without advance permission’.”
“‘If you do so I will have to contact the police’.”
“NTA.”- mdthomas
“NTA:”
“Before she asks (or tells) again, have a conversation with her.”
“‘Lily we need to talk’.”
“‘In the last month, I’ve babysat your kids 40 hours’.”
“‘I love them but that is too much’.”
“‘It’s like an extra week of work.'”
“‘I’m happy to occasionally help out, but you will need to find other arrangements for most of the time’.”
“I wouldn’t mention anything about not being paid because you don’t actually care if you are paid.”
“You care that it is too often.”
“Mentioning money gives her a way to complain about you with other family members.”
“You could even go so far as to plan the babysitting for the upcoming month – 2 hours a week at already scheduled times’.”
“That way you can have a life”.”
“If a family member complains to you tell them how much you’ve been helping and ask them to pick up some of the slack.”- houseonpost
“NTA.”
“Say to them so I forego having a social life so she can have one?”
“I babysit every week as if I have zero life outside of work and THE CHILDREN SHE PUSHED OUT OF HER VAGINA.”
“I have been more than helpful to family and reasonable considering she drops them with little notice and have cancelled plans for it previously.”
“This time I’m not as I want to see my friends too.”
“So since all my previous times helping her out are seen as nothing that you all are stating I’m being selfish and not helping family then I will not help at all cause clearly it didn’t help her out at all.”
“So your welcome you have cut your nose off to spite your face.”- Starjacks28
“NTA.”
“And I’d tell those relatives that you don’t realize that by not having kids your time was just up for grabs for her whenever she wants.”
“I help with my nieces and nephews sometimes and used to do so more consistently when my sister worked before having her twins.”
“And when my brother lived her.”
“But I was shown appreciation either by being paid a little, the money went back into accounts for the kids anyways, or my sister would bring me treats, favorite drinks, or take me out for lunch.”
“And my time was respected.”
“I was asked in advance, and if I was busy, they respected it.”
“Your sister doesn’t get to claim your time for herself.”
“How are you ungrateful?”
“Are you supposed to be grateful to be taken advantage of?”
“Good of those family members to volunteer their own time.”
“Id tell sis that these wonderful family members volunteered themselves and watch as they get silent or protest.”- Beginning_Flower_390
“NTA.”
“Tell her you do know how hard it must be as a single mother since you alone with the kids more than she is at this point.”
“Any relatives weighing in are free to offer their services.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“‘Lily has a demanding job.”
“So the wise choice for her would have been ‘not have a kid in the first place’.”
“Certainly not two.”
“She got upset and said I was being selfish, claiming I ‘don’t understand how hard it is to be a single mom’.”
“Clearly you do, as you were able to make the smart choice not to get yourself into that situation.”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
‘What do you have to feel grateful for anyway?”
“Being another parent to kids you didn’t contribute to the making of?”
“Congratulations to the family members on her side.”
“They just offered to babysit for her whenever she wants.”- Peanut0901
“You’re ungrateful?”
“That makes no sense.”
“She’s ungrateful.”
“This is a lesson of boundaries, and she doesn’t give a shit about your life.”
“She is the selfish one and projecting all that sh*t onto you.”
“She is using you.”
“If those other family members wanna complain about you ‘sucking it up’ THEY CAN WATCH THE KIDS.”
“Actually say that in a group chat or something.”
“The double standards is disgusting.”
“You have to protect your peace bc family will make you feel so ashamed for doing it; that’s also called narcissism.”
‘She’s a single mom so you get freedom when you can or not at all.”
“NOT EVERY WEEK.”
“Such is having kids!”
“Ridiculous NTA.”- lostlight_94
The OP had been extremely generous to her sister by being at her beck and call, even sometimes canceling her plans.
However, while it’s understandable that Lily feels at ease when the OP watches her children, she should also take the OP’s well-being into account as well.
And offering to pay the OP for her time is truly the very least Lily can do.
Especially if she can afford a weekend getaway with friends.