What is often considered an unspoken downside of getting married is one’s new in-laws.
Ideally, a bride or groom has a great relationship with their in-laws, and thus becoming a part of the family is an added bonus.
In other cases though, newlyweds find themselves tolerating their in-laws more than anything, and find that the less they have to see them, the better.
Such was the case for Redditor No_Possession1846, who was not particularly taken by the sister of her fiancé.
And when the original poster (OP)’s fiancé found out that she actively didn’t want her to be part of the wedding party, it led to an unfortunate exchange of words, which found their way back to her fiancé’s sister, as well as the rest of his family.
Reflecting on. her behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won’t be a part of my wedding?”
The OP first explained how her personality and that of her fiancé’s sister just never quite matched, which is why she chose not to include her as one of her bridesmaids.
“This situation is literally RIDICULOUS but this whole thing has caused almost nuclear warfare across the family so I’m here to get a consensus.”
“Throwaway for privacy even though there’s a good chance my fiancé will see it.”
“I (26 F[emale]) have been with my fiancé Chris (26 M[ale]) for four years now.”
“He and his sister (21 F) Lilac are VERY close.”
“They had a pretty traumatic childhood and always promised each other to be there no matter what.”
“Lilac is a good sister to him but as a person, truthfully, I can’t stand her.”
“She is literally the textbook definition of a bubbly blonde.”
“She is overly charismatic, always giggling, and in general, just acts too immature for my taste.”
“She likes to pull pranks every once in a while on my fiancé and he gets her back but the whole ordeal just seems childish and obnoxious to me.”
“Ever since we got engaged, I knew I didn’t want her in my wedding party because that means I’d have to spend time with her at my bachelorette and other parties.”
When the OP told her fiancé that his sister wasn’t going to be one of her bridesmaids, the OP offered some alternatives, all of which she turned down, eventually letting her true feelings for her soon-to-be sister in law slip.
“Fast forward to last night and my fiancé asks me when I plan on asking Lilac to be a bridesmaid.”
“I got quiet and truthfully said I didn’t plan on doing so.”
“This upset him because he said wants his sister to be a part of the most important day of his life and that if I didn’t do it he was going to make her a ‘groomswoman’ to make sure she is included.”
“I can’t lie, this set me off.”
“I went off about how I want to feel respected by him and be able to enjoy my wedding day.”
“He said he also wants to enjoy his day, which to be fair, I understand.”
“This is where I may be TA, I told him that I have always disliked his sister and wished he would just not include her for once on a day that isn’t even about her.”
“He got quiet and went into our guest room to be alone.”
“A couple of minutes later I got a text from Lilac that she completely respects my decision to not want her in the wedding party but she’s hurt to know what I actually feel about her.”
“I didn’t want her to find out at all and now he’s told his whole family about our argument.”
“Half of them are attacking me and half of them are saying it’s my day so I should be able to enjoy it.”
“Honestly, this whole ordeal is stressful for no reason because Lilac isn’t even upset I don’t want her in my wedding party yet the whole family is upset and my fiancé has been very short with me all day.”
“AITA?”
“Just because I hate her personality doesn’t mean I’m mean to her.”
“Being around her drains my social battery but I have never been mean to her nor did I want her to find out ever, especially in this way.”
“I am just super introverted and our personalities collide.”
“I don’t want her at my bachelorette party because I want to enjoy it fully and not feel anxious the whole time because the personification of a human firecracker is attending.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community when it came to her behavior, who all but unanimously found her to be the a**hole.
Everyone agreed that while the OP had every right not to include her fiancé’s sister as one of her bridesmaids, she did not have the right to refuse him to allow her to be his groomswoman, and felt her overall behavior was rude and obnoxious.
“YTA.”
“You have every right to not ask her to be a bridesmaid, you don’t have the right to tell your FH she can’t be a groomswoman, that’s just being petty.”
“If their history is as traumatic as you day it is, have you stopped to consider her personality is a result of the trauma as a way of coping?”
“I suggest you think long and hard if this is the hill you’re going to die on, because honestly, you might not enjoy the outcome.”- countingpickles
“YTA and sound jealous of their relationship.”
“It’s not just your wedding, it’s his wedding too and if you don’t want her as a bridesmaid then fine but it’s unfair for you to dictate that he can’t have her on his side and blow up at him for wanting to include her.”
“Lots of selfishness on your end, that’s not a great way to start a marriage.”
“It’s not even like she’s major drama, you just find her too giggly and obnoxious.”-CrystalQueen3000
“YTA.”
“She’s blonde and acts 21…which she is.”
“And she’s a good sister to him and he wants her there to help celebrate a happy day for him.”
“That you don’t even want him to include her is what makes you the a**hole here.”
“She hasn’t done anything but be bubbly and loved by your fiancé.”
“Is this wedding about him too or is he just the groom doll for your big moment?”- madelinegumbo
“So… She’s happy and enjoying life and this… Bothers you?”
“Might want to do some inward reflections there bud.”
‘YTA.”
“It’s your fiancé’s wedding too, it’s not all about you.”- ShadyVermin
“So let’s get this straight, then.”
“You don’t like her because she’s blonde, young, and cheerful.”
“You feel this dislike is strong enough, and justifiable enough, to push her out of having any significant part in the proceedings, knowing how close she is to your fiancé?”
“It just reads as selfish and inconsiderate – that you’d try and torch a relationship with a close member of your soon-to-be-husband’s family over essentially nothing does not bode well, to put it mildly.”
“Get over whatever it is you have against blondes, 21 year olds, and people who enjoy life.”
“YTA.”- Kindly_Ad4670
“So let’s get this straight, then.”
“You don’t like her because she’s blonde, young, and cheerful.”
“You feel this dislike is strong enough, and justifiable enough, to push her out of having any significant part in the proceedings, knowing how close she is to your fiancé?”
“It just reads as selfish and inconsiderate, that you’d try and torch a relationship with a close member of your soon-to-be-husband’s family over essentially nothing does not bode well, to put it mildly.”
“Get over whatever it is you have against blondes, 21 year olds, and people who enjoy life.”
“YTA.”- Kindly_Ad4670
The OP later gave an update, where she revealed that she remained firm in her opinion, and things with her fiancé and his family still seemed to be on thin ice.
“We talked this morning.”
“We still are not resolved.”
“He doesn’t just want her as a groomswoman but wants to ask her to be the “bestwoman”, best man but as a woman.”
“This is still not resolved because I am not comfortable with that and it’s more stressful because the whole family has turned into flying monkeys because his sister is the apple of their eye so they took what I said as a serious attack against her.”
It’s understandable that someone will want their wedding to be just as they want it.
But it’s important to remember that weddings involve two people, and both of them have to agree on how things will go.
Here’s hoping the OP might realize this sooner rather than later.
Particularly if she wants this wedding to happen.