Most people don’t like to think about the very idea of an inheritance.
Be it money, property, or material items, coming into possession of them is owing to the passing of a loved one.
There are a select few, however, who are determined to become the recipient of a friend or relative’s property.
Should these people learn that their desired inheritance is, in fact, promised to someone else, they don’t take to it too kindly at all.
Redditor Safe-Opposite-9417 was recently given a prized heirloom by her fiancé. An heirloom the older brother of the original poster (OP)’s fiancé willingly agreed to pass down to the OP.
This decision did not sit particularly well with that same brother’s girlfriend, who effortfully campaigned to have the heirloom returned to her.
A campaign the OP and her fiancé flatly rejected.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving back my fiancé’s deceased grandmothers engagement ring?”
The OP explained why she was unwilling to relinquish her engagement ring to her fiancé’s brother or his girlfriend:
“I (29 F[emale]) am engaged to Jake, 32, male.”
“We have been engaged for 2 years.”
“He has an older brother, Sam, 38.”
“When Jake and I got engaged, Jake wanted me to have his grandmother’s engagement ring.”
“Jake talked to Sam and Sam said since he doesn’t plan to get married or have children that Jake should use the ring.”
“I love that ring and love the sentimental meaning behind it.”
“Sam met a wonderful woman, Hannah, within the past year, and they are expecting a child.”
“Once they found out it would be a girl, Hannah told Sam she wants him to get the ring back for their daughter.”
“Jake has already told Sam no.”
“During Sunday dinner last weekend at my mother in laws house Hannah brought up the ring and how it should be given to their daughter since she would a great grandchild and I am not related by blood.”
“It became an intense discussion.”
“Luckily my mother in law also agrees with my fiancé and I.”
“Hannah then asked if her daughter could have it in our will.”
“I said no because it will either be given to our son or our future daughter.”
“I told Hannah to take up her problem with Sam since he’s the one who let Jake have the ring to give to me.”
“Hannah ended up leaving the house crying.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give back her engagement ring.
Everyone agreed that since Sam gave his blessing for Jake to give the OP their grandmother’s ring, then it was rightfully hers, and she had no obligation to give it back, with many amused and confused by Hannah’s “blood relation” logic as to why she deserved the ring:
“NTA.”
“Hannah looks at the ring as a status symbol in your family.”
“Like, whomever has the ring is the better/more important daughter-in-law or grandchild/great-grandchild.”
“It’s silly.”
“Expect plenty of attempted oneupmanship from her with the kids.”
“And ffs, don’t give up your ring!”- obtusewisdom
“NTA.”
“That’s your engagement ring.”
“Sam had his chance at the ring, but he passed it to Jake.”
“It became your engagement ring.”
“Him trying to somehow retroactively claim the engagement ring because his 1 year relationship wants it is crazy.”
“It’s even crazier that she wants it for an unborn baby.”
“If the ring is valuable, this gives vibes that Hannah is money-grubbing.”
“I know you say she is wonderful, but this is worrying behavior for a year old relationship.”
“A baby is already on the way, and she’s already looking for what she can take because ‘baby is related’.”- Mobile_Following_198
“NTA.”
“I’ve seen so many titles similar to yours and was glad that this is a completely different context to that.”
“This is all on Sam.”
“He’s the one who should be dealing with the fallout from the wonderful Hannah.”
“Seems weird that Hannah’s eyeing the ring already.”
“Leaving the house crying sounds like either manipulation to try and get her way, or a tantrum because she’s not getting her way.”- AsparagusWTweak
“Definitely NTA, wow!”
“The cajones on your bil and sil! his gf!”
“You may not be ‘blood related’ but neither is your sil, lol!”
“Jake asked for the ring and Sam agreed…no take-see back’sees!”
“It is yours and should go to your children…period.”
“I think maybe Hannah isn’t used to be told ‘no’, lol.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“You just don’t get to take rings off of people’s fingers.”
“You just cannot.”
“She missed out and will have to be apart of another tradition.”- LouisV25
“NTA.”
“Hannah sounds like an entitled, churlish, petulant child.”
‘Who even does this?”- banjadev
“NTA.”
“Sam gave up all rights to the ring when he gave it to Jake.”
“It is Jake’s ring to do with as he pleases.”
“Right now it sits on your finger as a promise to marry you.”
“However, should you two break up before a wedding, the ring goes back to Jake.”- Chilling_Storm
“NTA.”
“Why does Hannah think she gets to have an opinion about what happens to her boyfriends’ brother‘s fiancé‘s ring (or her boyfriend’s grandmother’s ring)?”
“No one should even be discussing it with her.”
“Just- no.”- EmilyAnne1170
“What an odd request and reaction.”
“It almost makes one wonder what Sam is telling Hannah.”
“You’re NTA, but good luck with those future family dynamics.”
“Sounds fraught with pettiness.”- LifeExplorer1021
“Hmm I’m not psychic, but I’m getting a strong feeling that Hannah wants the ring for Hannah.”
“NTA.”- Pisssssed
“NTA.”
“The ring was a gift and everyone agreed. you don’t just get to ‘ask for it back’.”
“I thought maybe you had broken up.”
“If you’re still getting married, you should keep the ring.”- One-Pudding9667
“The only reason to give back an engagement ring is if you break off the engagement.”
“NTA.”- Tiberius_Imperator
“NTA.”
“I’m wondering if Hannah heard about the ring & asked Sam to get it for her and Sam only asked Jake to appease her.”
“It is so weird to ask for a ring back that Sam freely gave to Jake.”
“And it feels like her asking in front of everyone was a way to put you on the spot and when that didn’t work, she turned on the tears.”- bookishmama_76
“NTA.”
“Shit situation, but the ring is yours!”
“It’s still in the family so I don’t get the big deal.”- Thin-Application-594
“NTA.”
“Your future children will be just as blood-related as hers will be so her argument is moot.”
“Her unborn child definitely does not need that ring.”
“And at the end of the day, the brothers agreed to let your fiancé use it for you before she came along.”
“It sounds like despite the fact that they are having a baby together, Sam has not proposed marriage to Hannah?”
“No judgement on my behalf, my sister and BIL have a child together and are committed to each other, but have not technically married either (though in our country, since they have lived together for years, they would be considered common law married by law).”
“But do you think that is the real crux of the issue here?”
“That Hannah may think if she gets the ring, she can force a proposal out of Sam?”
“Because in my mind, it’s either that or she is a gold digger.”- imamage_fightme
“Fortunately MIL is on your side.”
“She seems to be a keeper.”
“Hannah is sounding like an Asset Sponge.”
“OP NTA.”- NotYourMom56
“NTA.”
“You didn’t make Hannah cry– a toxic combination of raging hormones and apparently REALLY REALLY poor manners made Hannah cry.”
“KUDOS to your MIL for having your back on this.”- celticmusebooks
“NTA.”
“It’s your ring now, and unless you don’t have any kids of your own, it shouldn’t go to the niece de facto.”
“Peace keeping suggestions – is there another family heirloom ring like a wedding band she can use?”
“My engagement ring belonged to my husband’s grandmother.”
“He and his mom went to the jeweler and had the stone reset and used the original setting for an amethyst for my youngest SIL’s first piece of real jewelry.”- Secret-Ice260
Sam’s rationale was that Jake could have the ring because he didn’t “plan” to marry or have children.
Now that he’s going to be a father, it’s unclear whether Sam is just a bit too hasty in his decision-making or just has a low opinion of himself.
What is clear, however, is that Sam made a decision, and he and Hannah need to respect that.
Hannah also might want to really think about how her child would be a “blood relation” but the future children of the OP and Jake, Sam’s brother, would not…?