There is no longer any sort of set standard when it comes to wedding attire.
Formal black-tie weddings have become somewhat few and far between.
It’s not even uncommon these days for guests to show up at weddings in t-shirts and jeans, per the happy couple’s instructions. If anything, the only common dress code all guests must follow at every wedding is not to upstage the bride or groom.
Redditor Consistent_Olive_604 was very excited about the dress she chose to wear to the wedding of some friends.
Making the original poster (OP) even happier when the bride and groom complimented her dress.
Hence, the OP was surprised when, towards the end of the wedding reception, a member of the wedding party asked her to leave, claiming her dress was “inappropriate.”
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to leave a wedding because I wore a dress that looks white under a black light?”
The OP explained how the dress she wore to a recent wedding ended up proving somewhat controversial:
“A few months ago I attended a close friend’s wedding with my husband.”
“I wore a YELLOW dress.”
“Think like Belle in Beauty of the Beast Yellow.”
“Bumble bee yellow.”
“So yellow that I did not question if it was appropriate or not to wear to a wedding, and neither did my friends nor family.”
“I arrive at the wedding; we have the ceremony, the cocktail hour, the dinner, and the reception.”
“I get many compliments on the dress, and the bride even comments on how much she loves it several times.”
“Towards the end of the reception, the venue dimmed the lights and turned on some blacklights.”
“These blacklights made my dress appear more white than yellow.”
“A member of the wedding party approached me while the blacklights were on and stated that I needed to leave because my dress was ‘white’ and ‘inappropriate’.”
“I stated that the dress was yellow, but the blacklights were making it appear white.”
“The member of the wedding party stated that if I didn’t leave, she would ‘make me’.”
“I stated I’m here to celebrate my friend, repeated that the dress was yellow, and said I would not be leaving early (bride and groom hadn’t left yet, and I came from overseas).”
“The heated conversation did not have raised voices or foul language from either side.”
“But I will say it was tense.”
“The wedding party member walked off, and I watched as they immediately went to talk to the groom, angrily pointing in my direction.”
“The groom shrugged and continued to dance.”
“The next morning I was approached by a different friend at breakfast (not in the wedding party) who stated that they heard what happened and that I should have left when asked because it made people ‘uncomfortable’ and that I made it about me ‘partying’ rather than ‘respecting wedding etiquette’.”
“I have felt incredibly embarrassed about this since.”
“So am I the a**hole for not leaving the wedding when asked?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to leave the wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right in standing firm and staying at the wedding, as she had no idea what her dress would look like under black light, nor did the bride and groom seem to have a problem. If anyone disrespected any sort of “etiquette,” it was that disgruntled member of the bridal party:
“NTA.”
“The dress was yellow.”
“‘The bride even comments on how much she loves it several times’.”
“‘They immediately went to talk to the groom, angrily pointing in my direction.'”
“‘The groom shrugged and continued to dance’.”
“They are the only people whose opinions matter.”
“‘A member of the wedding party approached me while the blacklights were on and stated that I needed to leave’.”
“No.”
“Not that person’s decision.”- diminishingpatience
“NTA.”
“Who checks their attire under black lights to see if it ‘passes’?”
“Ridiculousness.”
“I understand if it appeared white under normal lights but c’mon, this was an unusual situation at the end of the reception.”
“You are fine and whomever approached you was completely and utterly out of line.”
“Some people have nothing better to do than look for problems that don’t exist.”- Ducky818
“NTA, the people who are worried about this need some actual problems in their lives.”
“Pro tip: When they turn the lights down and put a black light on, the ‘wedding etiquette’ portion of the evening is over, and it’s about partying.”- CoverCharacter8179
“NTA.”
“Did the bride even care?”
“Sounds like friends making pointless drama, considering they went to the groom, not the bride.”
“And if the bride cared, the groom would have known.”
“You might give the bride a call and explore.”
“If she was offended, apologize and explain.”
“It’s up to her to accept or not.”
“I mean, it’s not like your dress was white during the ceremony.”- sugarsyrupguzzler
“NTA.”
“Yellow is not white and unless they specifically told people not to wear anything that appears white under blacklight, then it’s on them.”- Mindless-Pangolin841
“NTA.”
“Although there is etiquette in this situation.”
“It would have been better to strip to your underwear for the rest of the night.”- specialdelivery88
“NTA.”
“Look, if the bride had asked you to leave under these circumstances … even that would have been totally inappropriate.”
“But here you have some lunatic bridesmaid who’s gleaning her sense of self-worth from playing wedding fashion cop.”
“And your friend who commented otherwise is an idiot.”
“NTA.”- Active-Anteater1884
“NTA.”
“You wore a yellow dress.”
‘It’s not your fault that they decided to replace the lighting with black lights.”
“The offended party should have left because she made you and the groom uncomfortable.”
“She’s the one who disrespected wedding etiquette, not you.”
“Even the groom had no problem with it.”- SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“People were upset?”
“No, one self-centered and self-absorbed ‘member of the wedding party’ decided they were God reincarnated and that everybody had to do what they said.”
“Next time you see that person (if you ever do), say very nicely ‘Oh, hi! I don’t think I’ve seen you since Melanie and Sam’s wedding. Have you sobered up yet?'”
“If they’re with people who ask what you’re talking about, make it kind of a joke.”
“They discovered yellow looks white under a blacklight, and ‘they tried to throw me out of the reception all by their lonesome–it was just the funniest thing!'”
“Maybe cap it off by telling them something about ‘you get so silly and ridiculous when you’re drunk!'”
“Were they drunk?”
“Were they sober?”
“Doesn’t matter–all that matters is they were out of line.”- FurBabyAuntie
“NTA.”
“But I am curious who the member of the wedding party was?”
“The future SIL of MIL of the bride that wanted to start drama.”
“Or maybe the attention-seeking friend with a hero complex?”
“I also find it funny that this dress was a problem at a wedding where the BRIDE and GROOM were fine with it.”- SandalsResort
“NTA.”
“You didn’t make it about you partying, the other person did that.”
“You traveled to be present at the wedding of your friend, who, we presume, invited you.”
“If the bride didn’t care how your dress looked under blacklight, and the groom didn’t care… the only people who were made ‘uncomfortable’ by your attire were the people the complainer was talking to.”
“THAT person made it about them instead of being about the happy couple.”- RocMills
“This is by far the stupidest wedding incident story I have ever read.”
“NTA.”- Signal_Bench_707
“NTA.”
“‘The next morning I was approached by a different friend at breakfast (not in the wedding party) who stated that they heard what happened and that I should have left'”
“I would have replied: like your teeth, the dress was YELLOW.”- Bunny_Bixler99
“Let me get this right.”
“You came from overseas, investing quite a lot of money, to attend a wedding.”
“The bride heartily approved your attire.”
“Then someone decides to change the lighting and you are treated like that?”
“And the bride/groom didn’t put an immediate stop to their incredibly rude wedding-party-attire-police?”
“Unacceptable on the part of the bride and groom.”
“You are owed a huge apology.”
“NTA.”- Avlonnic2
It’s not unfair to say that anyone who intentionally chooses to wear a white dress to a wedding deserves, at the very least, to be called out for such a thoughtless decision.
That being said, the OP chose a yellow dress, which she had no idea might appear white under black lights.
And seeing as the appearance of her yellow dress under black lighting was met with a mere shrug from the groom, it’s safe to say the only one who truly had an issue with her dress was that persnickety member of the wedding party,
Who also should have been the only one scolded for making people “uncomfortable.”