Every couple has a different financial agreement with one another.
The concept of “fun money” is relatively common, giving an allowance to each party for whatever they decide.
But what happens when this “fun money” makes money?
Redditor RhubarbLeather2446 is trying to find that out with his wife.
The Original Poster (OP) likes to use his extra cash for gambling, and recently it won him a lot. His wife wanted a piece of the pie, but the OP feels strongly that it’s his and his alone.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife she’s not entitled to my gambling winnings and to find a side hustle if she wants more spending money for herself?”
He went on to explain:
“My wife [32-year-old female] and I [33-year-old male] have been together for 5 years, married for 3.”
“I make $150k and my wife makes $50k. We are not super rich for the city we live in but we are able to lead a comfortable lifestyle well within our means.”
“Since we don’t have kids yet, we are able to spend more on ourselves and each of us gets $500 of ‘fun money’ every month to do with as we please.”
My wife likes to use her money to buy clothes for herself or go out for brunches with her girlfriends. My hobbies are all over the place. I do something for a while but then bored of it quickly so I stop.”
“I need something that gives me a ‘thrill’ so that I get that rush of dopamine. So, I decided to pick up gambling.”
“There’s a casino about 20 minutes on foot from where we live so every Saturday I go there to gamble $100.”
“I only take the $100 and leave my wallet at home so that I’m not tempted to spend any of our joint money in case I lose. For the most part, I break even or lose some money.”
“My wife hates that I gamble because she thinks I’ll go down a ‘destructive path’ but I honestly love it and do it anyway because that’s what makes me happy, much to her annoyance.”
“Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I got lucky and ended up making $1,000. I was obviously super delighted since I never won this much before in my life.”
“I decided to buy a PS5 and a few games since I never owned a gaming console.”
“When my wife found out I bought all this stuff, she asked me how I was able to spend so much since all of it cost around $700-800. I told her about my winnings.”
“She got upset and said I should have given half of it to her.”
“I told her I got this money from my share of the ‘fun money’ so it’s my choice to do what I want with it. She said only the original $500 is mine.”
“The $1000 is an income and should be shared between us. I disagreed because I don’t claim 50% of her possessions when she goes out shopping.”
“She called me selfish for only thinking about myself. She wants to go on a girls trip and this extra money would have helped her afford it.”
“I told her what I do with my money is my business and if she wants more spending money, she can figure out a side hustle instead of using me like an ATM.”
“She complained about me to her friends and they’re all calling me a financial abuser for ‘stealing’ what rightfully belongs to her.”
“I think they’re all being entitled a**holes but I would appreciate some unbiased perspective into my situation.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“You’re NTA, but this is a terrible way for you both to behave in a marriage, do you even like each other? Why is she b*tching to her friends about you and going on girls trips?”
“Why did you win $1000 and not even take your wife on a date or away for the weekend? Why does it matter who earns what for the context of this story?” – Independent-Pay-9442
“ESH”
“Obviously you are not a financial abuser, but you guys sound like a couple of particularly petty teenagers.”
“Frankly, the whole post came off as…money grubbing. You’re married, if one of you needs a little more it’s ok for the other to provide it.”
“I can’t imagine my father finding a $100 and claiming it as his own because HE found it. You won’t $1K, you spent $800. Why not share the remaining $200 with your wife to help pay for her girls trip?”
“No, you ABSOLUTELY do not have to. But…you should want to.”
“The two of you act more like hateful siblings than partners.” – _hootyowlscissors
“lol NTA”
“Her friends agree with her? Oh no, anyways.”
“You’re right – your risked your fun money and came out on top and that’s not ‘shared income’.”
“Enjoy your gaming console, guilt free.”
“Also I hope you have a pre-nup. You make triple what she does, she feels entitled to your winnings, and doesn’t seem to be able to budget very well.”
“Plus she has a gaggle of girls who hype her up when he’s clearly wrong. Recipe for disaster.” – HeirOfRavenclaw
“You guys sound like you really love and prioritize each other and are going to make this work.”
“🙄 If you can manage to make it through the financial hardships of living on a $200,000 combined income.”
“ESH” – Top-Necessary5003
“NTA”
“You guys have an agreement to spend $500 as you please but all of a sudden when you win she wants half?”
“If you didn’t have the limited $500 each for “fun” money she might have a point, but this was all out of your pool.”
“The IRS allows you to reduce winnings by losses in gambling situations and I bet if you add up your losses you are probably close to breaking even…”
“…(Casinos don’t make money by paying out more then they take in but a good or lucky gambler can on occasion have a good streak).”
“She only considers her money “fun money” but your is ours.”
“She is the AH in this situation, but good luck convincing her because she has more financial needs and you have a known surplus.” – catskilkid
“NTA – ‘She called me selfish for only thinking about myself’ *proceeds to explain how the money could go towards a trip for only herself and her friends*”
“It’s comedic honestly. I laughed.”
“OP you’ve got issues beyond this one, it’s time for you and your wife to revisit how finances are divvied up in your house.”
“You need to have a conversation about ‘what if I win 10 grand next time, what if you pick up a lotto ticket and score 20 million?’”
“because at this point it sounds like if either of you won that big lottery jackpot the fight would become a ‘come to blows’ situation.”
“Take her out to a nice dinner, it’s your wife after all, and revisit this issue afterwards when you’re both in the right mindset.” – Thatsaclevername
“ESH, but only because she immediately jumped to ‘you should have given me half.’”
“I don’t think your wife is ‘entitled’ to half your winnings, but I also think you’re engaging in big AH behaviors…”
“…and you’re both engaging in some deeply unhealthy relationship behaviors with each other, and I’ll be surprised if you’re still married when you hit ten years at this rate.”
“You’re scorekeeping against each other. Look how you make a big deal out of your respective incomes, even though it doesn’t actually matter to the story.”
“You’re very dismissive of her valid concerns about your need for a hobby that gives you ‘a “thrill”’ so that you ‘get that rush of dopamine.’”
“That’s warning flags for possible addiction, even if you currently have it under control. For now.”
“Look how you immediately jump to the idea that she’s ‘using [you] like an ATM’ because she feels like it was unfair for you to spend a big windfall without discussion.”
“You’re supposed to be partners. That’s the whole point of marriage. But you’re not treating each other like partners.”
“You came into a windfall, and your first thought was ‘this is mine, she can figure out her own way,’ which is very selfish.”
“Sure, it was your gambling money, but why wouldn’t you share with your spouse when you came into that kind of windfall?”
“Instead of sharing your excitement at such a big win so you could talk about how you might use the money, you didn’t say anything to her about it and spent a bunch of money on toys for yourself.”
“She’s not entitled to the winnings, but it’s pretty big AH vibes not to share in the windfall and spend a bunch of money on toys for yourself…”
“…and then accuse your spouse of using you like an ATM when she’s upset about it.” – Samael13
Clearly this couple doesn’t believe, “what’s mine is yours.”