When adult children move back home, it can get very crowded.
Especially if they bring children with them.
Who should make sacrifices to accommodate the new residents? The parent of the children? Or anyone living in the home.
A younger sister turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback when her older sister wanted her to give up her bedroom.
HellenMiller_2007 asked:
“AITA for refusing to give up my bedroom for my niece and nephew?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (19, female) still live at home with my parents while I attend college. I pay for my own tuition and contribute to household expenses when I can, but since my school is local, living at home saves me a ton of money.”
“Recently, my older sister (27, female) and her two kids (5, male & 3, female) moved back in after her divorce. She’s struggling financially, and my parents are letting her stay here rent-free until she gets back on her feet.”
“I get that it’s a tough situation, and I’ve been helping out with the kids when I can.”
“The issue is that my parents want me to give up my bedroom so my sister’s kids can have their own space. We have a small house, and my sister is already taking the guest room, so the kids are currently sleeping with her.”
“My parents think it would be better for them to have their own room and are asking me to move to the couch or ‘make do’ by squeezing into their office space.”
“I said no. I’ve lived here my whole life, and this is still my home. I need my own space, especially since I have a heavy college workload.”
“I don’t see why I should be the one to sacrifice my room when this situation isn’t my fault. My sister is upset, saying her kids are uncomfortable, and my parents are disappointed in me for ‘not being more understanding’.”
“Now the whole house is tense, and I’m wondering if I’m being selfish.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I refused to give up my bedroom for my sister’s kids, even though my parents and sister think I should.”
They believe I’m being selfish and not considering the comfort of my niece and nephew.”
“I might be the a**hole because I’m prioritizing my own space over their needs, even though they’re young and in a tough situation.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Couldn’t your parents move to the couch and office and give up their bedroom?” ~ helican
“Or tell them you’ll stop contributing to the finances if you have to give up your room. Or your sister could move into their office/couch and let her kids have the guest room to themselves. NTA.” ~ Sea-Ad3724
“This makes the most sense. Sister in the office. Kids in the guest room. OP keeps her room. NTA.” ~ ReaderRabbit23
“Yeah, aside from fairness, I feel like the idea of having the adult be inconvenienced is often dismissed even if it makes the most sense.”
“I stayed with my parents for an extended time last summer and had them move the furniture around so the kids could have the larger ‘guest room’ while I took the office.”
“My mom was so confused and kept asking why I wanted to be in the smaller room.” ~ hadesarrow3
“NTA. I think it’s the older sister who doesn’t want to share her space with her kids, not they who are uncomfortable.” ~ Textlover
“I agree. Most kids that age would be happy to have their mom sleeping in the same room. Especially kids who have nightmares or who are prone to waking up in the middle of the night.”
“Especially right after a divorce.” ~ 10S_NE1
“NTA. When I was a kid, I had a bed with a trundle bed that fit underneath. I shared it with my grandmother when she came to visit the family (I was the only girl).
“Sofa beds and air mattresses are one way to compromise. Things like trundle or murphy beds and bunk beds make life easier when space is tight.”
“Sister can do something to adjust her space since OP needs her bedroom for study space for college. No point in messing up OP’s grades by sticking her on the couch just because her sister’s marriage tanked.” ~ Direct_Gas470
“This is the correct option. Kids need a room? It’s the mom that isn’t properly providing for them (for whatever reason) that should sacrifice.”
“Not the grandparents providing free lodging or the college student who is contributing to the household expenses. NTA.” ~ randomly-what
“This is exactly how it should go. OP is helping pay the bills, and she has the right to stay in her room.”
“Sister wants her kids to have a room? Then, she should be the one sacrificing. Especially since it isn’t supposed to be permanent.”
“If OP gives up her room, that opens the door wide to give sister a reason to stay and for OP to get kicked out instead. NTA.” ~ VespertineStars
“Even if she is not paying many bills, she is paying for her own tuition, and living at home to save money. She is doing what she can to be self-sufficient.”
“People don’t automatically turn completely self-sufficient at 18, and it is wise to invest in their future so they don’t send up in the same place as the sister.”
“OP needs to study. Sister does not. Sister can sleep in the office or on the couch. NTA.” ~ nouserredditname
“NTA. Hell no is right. Do not give up your space. It leaves you with none, and you need something private living with all these people.”
“Stay calm and logical, and don’t get emotional or loud. People stop listening when you get loud.”
“Say something like…’I have a great deal of empathy for the tight space that you guys are in. Please understand that I only have my room and I need the space to study and to have a speck of privacy. I fully support you being here, but three extra people in the house have already been a big adjustment.”
“It simply isn’t fair to ask me to essentially give up having any space. I do not just use my room for sleeping. It is where I do everything. I suggest that we convert the living room into more of a bedroom/community room. We can move things around and get creative, but I’m not moving out of my space’.”
“Lastly. Is your room bigger than the guest room, where maybe you offer to switch rooms, taking the smaller space and giving them a bit more room to stretch out, but that would be the only compromise I would be willing to make.” ~ OhmsWay-71
“NTA. No one’s stopping your sister from taking the couch and giving her kids the guest room. They are HER responsibility after all.”
“No one is stopping your parents from taking the couch and giving the kids THEIR bedroom.”
“There’s two options that don’t involve forcing you out of your bedroom. What’s stopping THEM from sacrificing?”
“Oh right, it’d be an inconvenience, and it’s easier to inconvenience others rather than suffer themselves.” ~ Sneaky__Fox85
“My first thought was to ask both sister and parents why they weren’t willing to give up their room. Or why is she not willing to share a room with her kids? Is it really the kids who don’t like it?” ~ VardaLight
“Seriously, at that age, my kids would love sharing a room with mom. Particularly getting to sleep snuggled up in bed. It’s the parents who usually need their own space!” ~ baffledninja
“NTA. Between you and your sister, it seems like she should be the one to take the couch or office space if her kids are uncomfortable sharing a room with her.”
“Is there any chance this is your parents trying to nudge you out of the house so that they can focus on getting your sister and her kids back on their feet?” ~ Calyptra_thalictri
“Who’s betting that if she can push OP out of her room ‘temporarily’ that it will become the ‘kids’ room’ permanently?”
“Big sis won’t need to be uncomfortable sharing with her kids, mom and dad will pay the bills and provide childcare, and OP will be expected to provide additional childcare because big ‘sis deserves a break’.”
“OP, if you give up your room, you’ll never get it back. NTA.” ~ No-BS4me
“NTA. You are going to school, you need a room to work and to refresh. Your sister can give her room to her kids and go to sleep in the sofa.”
“She’s the one needing to put her sh*t together for her family. Or your parents can give up their room if giving a room to the kids is that important.”
“Why do you need to be the one doing the sacrifice?” ~ Lucy_Nell
“Sister should do it. She and her kids are all living there rent-free.”
“The OP is a much younger adult living rent-free but contributing to household expenses. Each adult child living rent-free gets one bedroom.
“The adult child with her children can figure out herself how to use that one bedroom and the other available space.”
“They’re her kids; if her kids are uncomfortable, she should give them the bedroom and sleep on the couch or in the office.” ~ lawfox32
Reddit provided the OP with a very good alternative to giving up her room.
Hopefully, her parents see the logic in it as well.