“It’s the thought that counts.”
That’s what people always say when it comes to giving and receiving presents.
After all, a homemade card could prove to be as meaningful as a diamond necklace is to others.
Unfortunately, the significance of presents to certain people depends entirely on the price tag.
Redditor llamadizo was discussing Christmas presents with her sister.
In these discussions, the delicate issue of the budget came up.
Much to the original poster (OP)’s disappointment, her sister’s budget was considerably less than her own.
After confronting her sister about this, the OP took to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA if I (24 F[emale]) want to spend the same amount of money on gifts for my sister (19 F)?”
The OP explained why she was not happy with her sister’s allotted budget on Christmas presents:
“My sister (19 F) wants to gift each other holiday gifts.”
“She showed me a pair of shoes that cost $110.”
“I (24 F) asked her if she would buy me something also worth around $110, and she said no.”
“I asked her what her spending limit is.”
“She asked me why she needs to tell me a limit, and I said so that I know how much I will also spend on her.”
“She was confused and wanted me to spend more on her than she spends on me.”
“It’s true I have a real job, and she only has a cafe job, but she has a considerable amount saved up (15k+), as do I, and can definitely afford to spend the same amount.”
“She told me she would like to only pay $50 for my gifts, and I said that’s not fair really.”
“She told me that she doesn’t want to fight, and actually, we should not swap gifts.”
“Now she is upset with me.”
“For background info, our parents are/were paying for both our colleges, so we have no debt and we have spent no money of our own on college nor housing because they also house us.”
“She has said she will have to pay for dental school by herself, which is why she is saving up, but I’m assuming not all of the paying will be by her; my parents will probably chip in.”
“She and I are only kind of close, not the closest sisters in the world.”
“She is not there when I need her to be, and I am always there when she needs me.”
“She always says no when I need a favor or some help.”
“She has stated herself that she always says no and should really start saying yes, especially to simple, important stuff like bringing toilet paper if the paper is out and bringing medicine if the pain is too much to walk around.”
“I have friends not very closer to me that are more dependable than she is to be honest.”
“They are also much nicer.”
“I have spent a considerable amount on my friends and other family, for example buying my best friend a $700 dog, giving my dad $5000 for part of the roof repairs, and buying my cousin $200+ shoes for his birthday every year.”
“I buy things for people when I see something that makes me think of them because if they made me that happy, I want to give them something to show them how happy they made me, how kind they are, and how valuable of a friend/family member they’ve been.”
“I’d like to mention that she studied every day for 3 months and passed a hard exam called the DAT. I gave her $250 because I felt so happy for her, and she has a different style than I do, so giving her money would be best so she can buy what she’d like.”
“In contrast, other than my birthday (spent less than $100) (I spent $200 for hers), she has bought me a $10 item for my fish.”
“We have had this issue for a while now ever since she started using her own money to buy gifts for me.”
“I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to buy her stuff, but I also wanted to be treated in return, if not by being nice, then at least with gifts.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they believed the OP was the a**hole for wanting her sister to spend the same amount as her on Christmas presents.
Some didn’t think anyone came off looking particularly good, feeling everyone was doing too many side-by-side comparisons and not really thinking about being personal with their presents:
“ESH.”
“The language you use to talk about your sister makes me think you just don’t like her very much and that you value everyone above her, but at the same time, I can understand your frustration.”
“It does suck not to have people put the same care into your gifts that you do for theirs.”
“The whole situation sounds a little exhausting, honestly.”
“When it’s gotten to the point that everything is about a side-by-side breakdown of who’s spending what and how much goes to who, you’ve missed the point of giving.”
“If you care about your sister, you should work on repairing this relationship, because it sounds as though it’s in dire straits.”- Asidian_M
“Honestly, ESH.”
“Your sister sucks for expecting you to buy her something big, but not for her to be willing to spend the same amount on you.”
“And you suck for having zero issue spending a ton of money on everyone else with nothing in return, but you’re expecting something equal in return from your sister.”
“Of course friends are going to be nicer to you than your own sibling.”
“Friends are choosing to be friends with you, your sister had no choice to be related to you.”
“That’s just how siblings vs friends are.”
“But you’re willing to buy your friend an $800 dog, your cousin $200+ shoes every year, but you won’t buy your sister $100 shoes because she’s only going to spend $50 on you?”
“Please.”- Potockinson2010
While others felt this wasn’t really an issue of “fairness”, but that the OP simply didn’t like her sister:
“‘I (F24) asked her if she would buy me something also worth around $110, and she said no’.”
“It’s kind of tacky to ask someone how much they plan to spend on you, but her proposal is a little unfair.”
“‘I have a real job, and she only has a cafe job’.”
“You’re expecting a teenager who’s in school to spend as much as an adult who’s a few years into working a real job?”
“Sliding towards a**hole territory.”
“I have spent a considerable amount on my friends and other family, for example buying my best friend a $700 dog, giving my dad $5000 for part of the roof repairs, and buying my cousin $200$+ shoes for his birthday every year’.”
“You really just don’t like your sister, do you?”
“YTA for pretending that this is all about ‘fairness’.” _goblinette_
“YTA dude you spent $800 on a dog for your friend, obviously have a lot of money, and can’t treat your little sister who is saving up for dental school.”
“It’s fine if you don’t want to spend $110 on her, but it’s clear that you’re obsessed with spending the same amount of money as her, when you’re clearly in completely different life stages.”-clackiestclacker
Then there were those who felt that the OP’s frustrations were justified in finding her sister sitngy:
“NTA.”
“She asked for something pricey.”
“It’s only fair to expect something similar back.”
“Nobody wants to drop a Benjamin on somebody’s gift and get a Dollar Store pair of earbuds in return.”- RandomModder05
The OP later returned with an update, in an effort to shed some clarity on her situation:
“When I wrote real job, I meant that she is in a part-time job, while it is great and a good place to spend her time to make her savings grow, it’s not her forever job.”
“Dentistry is her passion.”
“That’s all I meant.”
“Cafe jobs are 1000000% real jobs.”
“She does not know I spent money on my best friend’s dog, and she does not know about my cousins shoes.”
“She does know about my donation to my family’s roof.”
“Also, I’m an extremely frugal person, the three large spends that I mentioned are the MOST I’ve ever spent on people.”
“I just included those to show that I can be generous.”
“It’s so odd seeing people say wow, you spend so much when I’m literally the opposite lmao.”
“My parents frequently say Girl, you need to spend more on yourself.”
“There’s a 3000-word character limit, I only added how she is selfish and not helping me out when I need it most, for example, with the TP and pain pills.”
“Frankly I only added those because they were the easiest to explain.”
“If I added more, I’d have to make a whole new reddit post just to explain the messed up way she treats me.”
“I DO NOT expect anyone to spend as much as I spend on them, I just wanted to be nice.”
“But it’s specifically different with her.”
“Everyone else treats me with decency, and is kind to me, and helps me out here and there.”
“Not her.”
“So if I must get her something, I also want something back because it’s only fair.”
“To be honest, a lot of people are saying just to say that’s not within my budget.”
“But she knows how much I have.”
“So even if I said that, it’s not something that would get past her.”
“I needed to specifically say, let’s get gifts that cost around the same, so that she sees that what she is asking from me is too much even for her to give to me.”
“What I didn’t expect is for her to be mad.”
“We want to go to therapy, at the moment she is busy in school, but once summer rolls around we will hopefully do it.”
“We are a family that likes to say specifically what we want, price tag and all.”
“We even send links to the item so the wrong item is not bought.”
“Sometimes we buy something secret, but rarely.”
“Even then it’s super hinted at.”
“We don’t buy things a lot because all of our money goes into our school costs, so when we do buy it’s a big deal.”
“It’s a show of what the person means to us, and when we use the item and wear it, we always say, (blank) bought it for me.”
“She has a billion things from me, and I have like 2 in total. It’s not the best feeling.”
“I just wanted to be cared about by her.”
Sadly, the OP can’t seem to see past the price tag of her presents.
As many have observed, however, this seems a bit less about how much her sister’s presents will cost, but more about her relationship with her sister.
Something she can hopefully work out before Christmas…