Doing a competitive activity on a first date is risky.
What if one person is really good and the other is horrible?
It could also be a fun way to connect, with one teaching the other how to play better.
But if one person hides their abilities?
An avid pool player turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a date went badly.
Neither_Professor605 asked:
“AITA for beating my date in a game of pool?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So for context I am quite good at the game, I play regularly and against good opponents, 2 of which are in my country’s nationals.”
“So I went on a date with a girl last Saturday, went to a pool bar as she had mentioned she likes playing pool. I said I know a spot, I picked her up at her place and we went to the bar.”
“We got some drinks, settled and then we played our first game, I was taking it easy just enjoying the moment, we played a few more rounds then ate, while talking I mentioned the 2 mates of mine who play nationals, so she then said, ‘Next game, don’t go easy on me’.”
“We were cracking jokes, she cheered me on, I was making small talk with her, and she knew that I play the game quite often seeing as I told her I play multiple times a week, with experienced players.”
“We played a few more. I made it a bit more challenging for her to win, nothing impossible, just a bit more of a challenging game, and just before we left around 10-11pm, we racked one last game and I decided to just play it normally.”
“I cleared the table on the break, not to show off, but just for fun.”
“We finished our drinks, and I paid the bill and we left. On the ride back to her place she was extremely quiet, like noticeably less talkative.”
“I thought nothing of it, she must have been tired. I dropped her off and went home.”
“When I got home I saw a message from her saying: ‘I asked you not to go easy on me, but I didn’t mean turn it into a statement. It honestly felt a bit like an ego thing at the end, and it made me uncomfortable’.”
“I was taken aback by the message, and haven’t heard from her since after sending her a message explaining it was nothing of the sorts.”
“The last game wasn’t me trying to show off or anything of the sort. I had a good break, sunk 2 stripes and had good positioning on the rest of them.”
“Seeing as she said don’t go easy, I just played it out how I normally would.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“Was winning said game of pool and a**hole move, beating her in the way I did.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“Mild YTA for: ‘Next game, don’t go easy on me. We played a few more I made it a bit more challenging for her to win, nothing impossible, just a bit more of a challenging game, and just before we left around 10-11pm, we racked one last game and I decided to just play it normally, I cleared the table on the break, not to show off, but just for fun’.”
“She asked you not to hold back. You continued to hold back, and she probably ended up feeling confident and good about herself. If you had just immediately not held back, I think she’d be TA for reacting poorly to what she asked for.”
“What you did, though, was give the illusion of what she asked for and then pulled the rug out from under her. It was probably embarrassing and it probably felt like being messed with.”
“It doesn’t really sound like it should be a big deal, but are you TA of the situation? Yeah. Moreso than anyone else.” ~ thefanciestcat
“YTA for toying with her. She said don’t hold back and you still did then you just threw in an “FU I’ve been pretending this whole time but I want to make sure you know how good I really am” at the end. That would give me the ick too. Not that you’re good, that you babied me all night and then still had to show off at the end. You should have played to your strength when she first told you too. Then she may have been impressed rather than embarrassed that you continued to lie about your skills.” ~ trashpandorasbox
“Definitely lands like toying with her. If this had been the next game when she told you not to go easy, then fully justified. And it gives her the opportunity to decide how she wants to play a game with someone who’s a lot better than she is. Maybe you add rules that make it harder for you. Maybe she laughs and says, “OK, go a little easy on me.” Maybe it takes any of a hundred directions that end up being fun because you sorted them out together.
This was letting her feel like she made a choice, but really you were controlling the whole thing. Nobody likes that feeling.” ~ StWiborada
“Yep. It definitely was an ego thing despite what he wrote.” ~ Ok_Bluejay_6408
“Yeah, clearing the whole table on the last game is an a**hole move on its own. Why even re-rack at that point if you’re not even going to let the opponent play, when it’s not a tournament or for money? Doing that AFTER already playing a game in which he pretended to not hold back is definitely YTA.
He should have done that play when she asked for it and THEN re-racked the last game and gone back to normal, which should be holding back enough to allow her to play, but without letting her win. And then ask if she wants any pointers for her shots, which, if she’d said yes, would have been a playful way to make physical contact, compliment what she’s already good at, and help her improve and be a better opp for OP on future dates.” ~ No_Road4248
“I’d push it up to medium YTA. Mild YTA continued to go easy on her after she asked him not to, and pretended he wasn’t. That was dishonest and patronising. The rug pull at the end only increases the degree of YTA.” ~ hushnecampus
“I’m more on the heavy YTA side.”
“She was aware that OP is in a circle with people who compete in national events, that they’re on that level. She was aware of the skill, and wanted a challenge- hence why she clearly communicated to not go easy on her. She could tell you were holding back OP. OP agreed.”
“However, instead of not going easy on her, OP proceeded to continue to hold back, making her feel like she was good—mentioned ‘letting her win—and at the very last moment, rip it away and embarrass her? Fluster her? I would have been pissed too, and thought you were an egotistical a**hat at the moment if I witnessed that.”
“Especially since it was the last game, dude. Like, if she said to not go easy on her, you should have shown those skills THEN, and then if she didn’t enjoy it, reacted that way, that would have been her problem. I suspect she probably would have joked and told you to go easy on her after that, and you could have resumed the ‘letting her win’ persona you wanted OP.” ~ mareipolar
“You should have given her a heads-up as to how good you are when she asked that you not go easy on her. And then immediately played your best rather than giving her the illusion she was nearly in your league.”
“She very possibly feels played, which isn’t a great takeaway on a first date. Alternatively, she might question how honest you are or is this was some less than subtle alpha play.”
“If this were a first date, I might be amused, or I might be pissed depending on how I perceived your attitude & motivations.”
“Are you the AH? Solid maybe. Your recounting strikes me as somewhat disingenuous.” ~ JavaNoire
“After the ‘don’t go easy on me’ you kept going easy on her and gave her false confidence. Then right before you left, you took it all away and made her feel stupid instead.” ~ Fricules
“I mean, I think it’s also fine to beat her, honestly, from the start. But don’t first let her win a few games and then ‘not hold back’ but still let her win, and then just win one game at the end to prove who’s better. The problem isn’t that he won. It’s that he toyed with her.” ~ mxcrnt2
“Kind of YTA, the moment she said ‘don’t go easy on me,’ you should have been playing to win, not just make it a bit more challenging.
Then showing off at the end is just saying ‘Look, I was letting you win’.”
“I’m not saying it’s a massive deal, but it’s not a good look either.” ~ Pale_Height_1251
“YTA. If you had actually not gone easy on her when she asked for that, then you wouldn’t be an a**hole. But instead, you continued to go easy on her and essentially tricked her/lied to her about how well you could play, and then on the last game of the night, absolutely crushed her and revealed that you’d been toying with her all night. That would feel like sh*t.”
“Like personally, I can handle getting trounced in a game, even one that I feel better than average in and have ego tied up in. It hurts, but I know there are people better than me and can cope with that when they’re not poor winners about it.”
“But I would feel humiliated if I asked someone not to mess about, they said OK, and then strung me along for hours until finally at the end of the night they decided they’d had enough of jerking my chain and handed my a** to me.
“I would feel stupid and deceived, because suddenly all those games that had been fun and competitive were condescending and deceitful, and I’d realize my date had just been messing with me all night.” ~ SheepPup
“Oh, but OP says it wasn’t ‘to show off’ it was just ‘for fun’. And now he’s playing the whole ‘oh, I don’t understand what happened’ act like he’s the victim.” ~ jdo5000
OP chose to show off his skills at the end, just to prove he could easily clear the table and dominate his date.
As many noted, it wasn’t his winning that was an issue.
It was toying with his date.
No one enjoys that, especially on a first date.