Grief can make people behave totally out of character. But some people’s behavior while dealing with loss can be so over the line they can’t be forgotten, even when graded on a grief-stricken curve.
A woman on Reddit found herself in this quandary after her mother-in-law tried to make amends for calling her a “bad mother” at her son’s funeral. She wasn’t sure about how she’d handled the situation, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Angle50976 on the site, asked:
“Aita for refusing to attend an apology dinner after my mother in law called me a bad mother at my son’s funeral?”
“I lost my son to congenital heart disease and he did not survive the open heart surgery at the age of 1 year and 6 months. He was the greatest blessing I had in my life. Everyone kept telling me things will get easier with time. I know that no matter how much time goes by I’ll still be missing my baby and everything sweet about him.”
“Mother in law and I were in constant conflict. Things always been bad between us but in those months we reached our limit. She kept getting involved in my son’s treatment., and criticized every decision I made claiming I didn’t know how to handle my son’s illness.”
“We went low contact but she kept causing issues occasionally. My husband was torn between our son’s illness and his mother’s issues.”
“When my son passed away she came to the funeral and caused a scene by arguing with me knowing I had no energy for it. She used the fact that everyone was there so she could say it was my fault my son was born sick and I didn’t take care of him properly, that I didn’t listen to her when suggested other ways to treat his condition. And That I was the one who took their grandchild away from them and caused them heartache.”
“She then loudly called me a bad mother I had no idea how I kept my composure and kept standing on both feet. My mom and sisters responded by telling her to leave. my husband was sitting down crying. She then went to tell everyone I kicked her out as a way to hurt her further and lied that I convinced my husband to ban her from visiting her grandson’s grave.”
“My husband later sent his side of family an email talking about my mother in law’s behavior during and after our son’s illness and telling them he no longer will be seeing her. That had the family criticizing us saying mother in law was just trying to do what was best for her grandbaby and called us selfish for assuming we’re the only ones struggling with this tragedy.”
“We haven’t seen his mom in 1 year and 8 months. I’m now 3 months pregnant. No one knew only my sister in law (brother in law’s wife) but word got out. Though we told her not to say anything.”
“Week later I had family members saying I was invited to a dinner hosted by mother in law so she could both apologize in front of the whole family and settle this issue before the baby’s born. They said mother in law was regretful, and offered to financially provide for her grandbaby and they want to see that.”
“I refused But My husband surprisingly wants me to go. I had his grandparents calling me telling me that I’m a person with a good heart and forgiveness’s something I’m capable of giving. I told them I’ll never be sitting at the same table with the person who called me a bad mother at my child’s funeral. I still remember it vividly til this very day.”
“My sisters said this change of heart from mother in law is probably for the new baby. It could be but I insisted I won’t come. They’re saying I’m making hard for everyone to move on and past this unreasolved pain and should really go.”