Choosing between friends and spouses is an eternal struggle.
You love everybody, of course.
But once in a while, one person is going to matter more.
How do you choose?
Case in point…
Redditor Acceptable-View-4318 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for going to my best friend’s wedding instead of my wife’s birthday party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife is turning 30 and has planned a big birthday party with her friends and family, unfortunately, my best friend has also got his wedding on the same evening.”
“I have picked my best friend’s wedding as we are very close and I do not get along with my wife’s family.”
“My wife is now furious with me and demanding that I do not go to the wedding, but I can’t go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.”
“The birthday has been planned for a few months now, invites have been sent and the venue has been booked, I got the wedding invite this week.”
“So, am I the a**hole for going to the wedding anyway?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I guess if you want to be divorced, it’s fine to go to the wedding.” ~ iluvfupaburgers
“Yeah, maybe his friend will miss his wife’s birthday for OP’s next wedding.”
“Honestly she’s turning 30 and has been planning for months.”
“OP only just got the RSVP, I would go with the wife and send the friend a good gift.” ~ LillyLing10
“Weddings usually don’t give last week notice to attendees, unless it’s like the bottom of the bucket list invitations to fill up seats.”
“That means this friend he is so willing to risk his marriage for, doesn’t think the same of him.” ~ iluvfupaburgers
“I have a friend who I’ve known since elementary school.”
“We are not best friends… but we are friends.”
“When she got engaged, she told me the month and year they were looking at because she wanted me there.”
“I got the save the date and invite at least a year in advance.”
“When people truly want you there, they don’t make it an afterthought.”
“OP is screwing over his marriage for someone treating him like an afterthought.” ~ Careful-Lion3692
“Exactly. Two of my friends got married in consecutive years.”
“I’d have to travel to different continents for both weddings.”
“One I’m very close to and the other not so close.”
“Both gave me over a year’s notice.”
“I was told when they got engaged and the general month they would get married.”
“By the time it was a week 3 months away I had everything booked.”
“Another friend from my country got married and told me over 6 months before the date.”
“We were in the same city.”
“This guy doesn’t seem to understand the basis of priorities.” ~ docasj
“He calls the groom his best friend.”
“The groom must not feel the same way.”
“Anyway, OP is major YTA.”
“His wife was having not just any birthday, but a milestone.”
“I’d be furious too.” ~ Loves_Jesus4ever
“If he’s really this dude’s best friend, why isn’t he in the wedding party, and why didn’t he know the date sooner?”
“Sounds like he’s either in denial about this friendship, or intentionally playing it up as an excuse to avoid spending time with his wife’s family.”
“Either way, the wife comes first. YTA.” ~ Predd1tor
“Damn you guys are harsh!”
“But yeah, OP is being a jerk for even considering this.”
“OP’s excuse is that he doesn’t like his wife’s family but we all gotta put up with people we don’t like sometimes.”
“Not a valid excuse. YTA.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
“Hopefully it won’t lead to divorce, but YTA my man.”
“Come on, you know you’re in the wrong here.”
“You promised to go to wife’ 30th birthday party and she made all the arrangements.”
“You just got BFF’s wedding invite?”
“OF COURSE you have to go to the birthday party.”
“Dude, why are you even asking? YTA.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
“Yup. He has known of his wife’s plans for MONTHS, and he just now gets an invite for the wedding and is willing to drop his prior commitment to his wife for it?”
“My man… it sounds like you are married to the wrong person. YTA.” ~ bvibviana
“YTA… simply because you accepted an invite that you received a week ago while she’s been planning this for months.”
“Usually I’d say the wedding is more important but you already have a commitment for that day and decided it wouldn’t be as fun for you and that’s f**ked up.”
“The only compromise I can think of is to attend the wedding and skip the reception for the party.” ~ Hannaconda420
“OP sounds like a last-minute C list invite – far from a best friend.”
“An invite a week before is a seat filler invite.”
“To cancel on the wife’s party, which had been planned for months, for an invite he got a week before is foolish and AH move.”
“Imagine intentionally hurting your spouse and potentially damaging your marriage for the last-minute wedding invite for someone else…”
“Edit: I reread, and I now realize it is unclear when both events are happening.”
“Either way, OP is foolish and an AH.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“THIS is a reasonable solution.”
“BUT let’s face it, OP doesn’t want to go to the party at all, he doesn’t like his wife’s family.”
“I’d say this is a very convenient excuse as he wasn’t likely wanting to go to the birthday party anyway. YTA.” ~ EmeraldBlueZen
“How important of a friend can you be if you get the invitation only a few days in advance?”
“And if that guy really would be your best friend, he’d know your wife’s birthday is at that time so you might have other plans, especially as it is a zeroing birthday. YTA.”
“Edit: my bad, I misinterpreted the arrival of the letter.”
“But the YTA stands.” ~ FalconJaeger
“YTA.”
“I can’t go back on the commitment I made to my best friend.”
“You’ve known about your wife’s party for months.”
“You were going. Why is it okay to renege on that commitment?”
“And if you’re really that close to your friend, why are you only just finding out the date of the wedding?” ~ embopbopbopdoowop
“YTA. Your partner’s longer-term planning wins out, sorry to say.”
“She can’t have known your best friend was going to throw his wedding that same day, and you have to know this is a make-or-break kinda thing.”
“Your wife is unlikely to forgive this easily.” ~ tosser9212
“YTA. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like your wife’s family.”
“Do you like your wife?”
“Because it’s about her, not them.”
“You knew the date of your wife’s birthday party BEFORE you knew about the wedding date and had an invite for her party first.”
“Why can’t you go back on the commitment you made to your best friend but were more than willing to go back on your commitment to your wife?”
“30th birthdays are big to a lot of people and she is your WIFE.”
“You’re her partner… Do better.” ~ thoog93
“You can go back on the commitment to your wife, but not your best friend’s last-minute invite? YTA.” ~ hotcheetopuffdaddy
“I’m going with YTA.”
“She’s turning 30.”
“A big deal to some and you’ve known about it for quite some time.”
“Sounds like you’d really just like to skip out on seeing her family.”
“I doubt she plans parties every year.”
“Personally, I’d be pissed for a super long time if my husband pulled the same stunt.” ~ SeasonalCitrus
“YTA. If you had been invited to the wedding earlier, I’m sure she would have planned her party for another day.”
“You made a commitment to go to her party first, and your friend has to understand that a week is a super short notice for a wedding.” ~ ReplacementFar7102
“YTA your wife should be your first Priority.”
“I am sure she isn’t crazy about your family but goes to events with them because it’s important to you.”
“But good news is if you skip this birthday party you will no longer have to put up with your wife because you will be divorced and who could blame her.” ~ evillittleperson
“You didn’t know the date of the wedding until you received the invite?”
“I don’t think you are as good of friends as you think you are.”
“I let my close friends know the date of my wedding as soon as I booked the venue, and send Save the Dates.”
“You committed to your wife’s party first, it’s rude to decide not to go just because something you would rather do came up. YTA.” ~ photosbeersandteach
“YTA. I look at it two ways, and both ways you are in the wrong.”
“1) Spouse trumps friend.”
“2) Milestone birthday party has been planned and set for months and that was the commitment you had on your calendar first.”
“It doesn’t matter whether you like your wife’s family or not, you made your commitment to HER first and you don’t break that commitment.”
“Shame on you!”
“Maybe someone will gift her a retainer fee for a divorce lawyer for her birthday if you don’t attend her party.” ~ Ellie_Reads_Romance
“So… let me get this straight.”
“You prefer honoring the commitment you recently made to a best friend over the commitment you made weeks before to your wife??”
“Your wife, who, by the way, you made a lifelong commitment to??”
“Yeah, OP, YTA.” ~ amaliasdaises
Well OP, Reddit is not really agreeing with you.
You may want to have another round of thought with this decision.