The duties expected of being part of someone’s wedding party have continued to grow with each passing year.
Initially, all one was expected to do was stand in solidarity with your friend or family member, with best men and maids of honor expected to raise a glass in celebration.
Now, bridesmaids and groomsmen are also expected to help out with planning, setting up, even in some extreme cases contributing financially.
Such was the case for Redditor CaregiverHuge1686, whose finances were a little tight owing to an exciting new development with his family.
Someone who was not was the bride of the original poster (OP)’s best friend, made it abundantly clear that the OP was not pulling his weight, nor would she tolerate any behavior being drawn away from her on her special day.
After becoming increasingly frustrated by her behavior, the OP finally let his frustrations be known, in a rather public manner.
Concerned that he may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA telling the truth in the wedding toast?”
The OP honestly shared how he finally couldn’t contain himself after being constantly berated by the soon-to-be wife of his best friend.
“I’m a 30-year-old male and my best friend got married last week.”
“I just bought a house and my wife is expecting our son in November, so I let him know I was limited in what I could contribute financially, but did tell him I would try my best.”
“So, I went to the bachelor party in Maine, I rented the tux, and paid for mine and my wife’s dinner at the rehearsal dinner.”
“I also had a gift of $300 that I was going to give them, but we will get to why I didn’t give it to them.”
“His, now wife, then fiancé, texted me multiple times a day with updates… fine.”
“I didn’t always respond and it got to the point where if I didn’t respond at LEAST once a day, I’d get a call from my buddy.”
“I have a full-time job and am redoing some rooms in my house, so I’m busy.”
“She texted me for the following reasons.”
“My wife was NOT allowed to talk about our pregnancy, at all.”
“She didn’t want anyone to focus on that more than her, the bride.”
“She was NOT going to order special food for my wife, no one asked her to, my wife was fine with whatever she was going to be served.”
“I was not helping the groom enough, he had to help her with favors, seating charts, and programs, so I had to help him with those things, according to her.”
“She also said to get ready to help with thank you notes after the wedding.”
“She said if I was a true best man, I would offer to pay for the bar bill.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“She had to read and approve my speech before the rehearsal dinner and wanted to be included as much as my buddy.”
“She told me to make up things if I had to.”
“I was also NOT allowed to include anyone but the two of them and no inside jokes or stories about my buddy that didn’t include her.”
“Her last text said to tell my wife to keep it together and not make a pregnancy scene during the wedding.”
“Also, she wanted her to choose a dress that downplayed her pregnancy as much as possible.”
“I was just so aggravated.”
“I spoke to my friend to see if he could reason with her.”
“He told me to just play ball on this one, it’s her day, and to cut him a break, because he’d be dealing with her nonsense for the rest of his life.”
“I was annoyed but calmed down.”
“The day of, all the bride and my buddy do is scold me, berate me, and bark orders.”
“I head down to the bar for a drink.”
“The bride’s mother is there and warns me not to get drunk because I’ve ruined her daughter’s day enough.”
“Final straw.”
“I didn’t give them the card with the cash and in the speech, I used my friend’s exact wording about having to deal with her nonsense for the rest of his life.”
“I wished them the best and told him I’d always be there for him, especially during the divorce.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community did find the OP was justified in his frustrations, they ultimately agreed that both he and his friend’s bride were at fault in this situation.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the bride was unacceptable and completely unreasonable, but the OP shouldn’t have sunk to their level in his best man speech.
“ESH she was a major bridezilla.”
“Plus it’s ridiculous to make people pay for their meal at the rehearsal dinner!”
“But what you said in the speech is obviously rude, too.”- CityBride
“From the title alone, I was prepared to think you were the AH.’
“Through the bridezilla bits I was thinking yikes, they are the AH.”
“And by the time I got to the end, I was a firm ESH.”
“I don’t blame you for not giving the card.”
“They treated you horribly and did not deserve the generous gift you were prepared to give.”
“But I think being ‘honest’ in the speech took it too far.”
“You would have been better off just cutting it super short.”
“‘Words can’t even describe these two, so let’s raise a glass’ the end.”
“I don’t think your speech was too much because of how it impacted them but because of their families.”
“Maybe their families suck as much as them.”
“They had to get their ridiculous entitlement somewhere, but I’d be horrified to witness a best man speech like you described if I were a guest at a wedding.”- poodle_kitten
“ESH.”
“Here’s why:”
“Groom knew he was marrying a piece of work and instead of protecting his interests he cosigned, aided, and abetted his wife’s atrocious behavior.”
“His wife sucks for trying to regulate your wife’s body, for allowing her insecurities to cloud her judgment, and for being the very definition of a bridezilla.”
“You, for not taking the high road and waiting until the very last min to defend your wife’s honor.”
“Look dude, you were totally justified, but you also had ample opportunity to jump off the crazy train before it got this far.”
“Being a good friend means having the comfortability and latitude to say no when your friends are off the rails.”
“You waited until the last minute and let your emotions get the better of you.”
“Your wife deserved better from these people and from you at this moment.”
“P.S.”
“Get new friends, these people suck HARD. CORE.”- CuriousTsukihime
“ESH. But listen.”
“You are my hero.”
“Also be aware that your friendship might be over if not for any other reason than that the new wifey will make it so.”- talkmemetome
“ESH.”
“I get it, you were trying to be a supportive friend but the moment that woman started taking jabs at your wife that should have been enough.”
“At that point, you should have just told him ‘hey mate your future wife is a psycho, I’ll be here for you and help with the preparatives but I won’t be there the day of’.”
“‘I can’t watch my best friend walk directly off a cliff, I’ll be here for the fall’.”
“Your friend could be hurt but at least you would have saved face with friends and family.”
“There are better ways to tackle the situation, for better or for worse you butting in, publicly, cost you a friendship.”- MotherOfPuggleKids
“I’m torn here because this is hilarious and I would have loved seeing it.”
“I’m not sure why people are commenting about torching your friendship because I’d consider it was already over before your speech.”
“See the problem is if you had dropped out, you’d be an AH for leaving them in a lurch but you tried despite this crap.”
“If you’re going to get in trouble for something no matter what, might as well do it.”-slendermanismydad
“Sorry but ESH.”
“They were sh*tty, I understand what you felt and why you felt it, I would totally have been annoyed as hell too.”
“But the speech was a bit too much.”- Silent-Syrup-777
Brides and grooms often find themselves in heightened head spaces in the days leading up to their wedding.
Though the fiancé of the OP’s friend was taking that to a whole other level with her behavior and expectations towards the OP.
That being said, bringing other people into a personal disagreement will never end well.
Something the OP should have seriously considered before making his toast.