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Guy Lashes Out After His Wife Scolds Him For Getting Blackout Drunk At A Bottomless Brunch

Photo by Brad Neathery/Unsplash

Oh alcohol.

Everyone’s relationship with alcohol can be a tricky discussion.

Yes drinking can be loads of fun, in moderation.

Just like most things in life.

We all have a unique perspective when it comes to consuming the drink.

So how do we discuss other people’s issues with it constructively?

Case in point…

Redditor showmeyourkittiestho wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not creating a ‘safe space’ for my husband?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“On mobile. Due to family history, I am hypersensitive to drinking.”

“My husband knows this.”

“He gets drunk more often than I would like him to.”

“But it’s very social and I wouldn’t consider him an alcoholic.”

“I have asked that he watch his drinking around me when we are together.”

“In my opinion the main issue isn’t the frequency of when he drinks, it’s the quantity – pretty much 0-100.”

“He would get just as trashed at a Sunday brunch as he would at like a birthday party.”

“He is either sober or trashed, there’s not a great in between.”

“On to the issue, we were hanging out this past Sunday and he had the day off – which is rare.”

“We decided to work out in the am and then go to brunch.”

“He started drinking at 6:30 am.”

“We walked to brunch at 10, he was a few sangrias in.”

“We both get the bottomless rose with brunch.”

“I had like 3-4 glasses, he had 6-8 glasses.”

“By mid brunch he is slurring and repeating himself.”

“We walk home around 12 and he immediately throws up and spends the rest of the day with his head in the toilet, in the shower, or knocked out.”

“I gave him water, cleaned the puke, tucked him into bed (all the great skills college teaches).”

“I told him today that I didn’t like how much he drank at brunch and how it ruined the rest of Sunday.”

“He gave what I would consider a mediocre apology and said that ‘sorry I thought I could drink as much as I wanted with my wife’ and ‘guess I wasn’t in a safe space’.”

“AITA for not ‘creating a safe space’ according to him?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. He is an alcoholic, in my opinion.”

“If there’s no in between, he has a problem.”

“Social alcoholics exist. I also wouldn’t order alcohol around him if he can’t moderate.”

“Figure out if you wanna clean up after him for life.”  ~ slythercon

“NTA but he is definitely an alcoholic.”

“If he can’t stop after 1 or 2, he can’t control himself and that’s the definition of alcoholism.”

“He needs help. I don’t understand what you were supposed to do?”

“Safe space? What does that mean?”  ~ Evening-Cry-8233

“Binge drinkers with no control are alcoholics too.”

“If he has a day off and is shmammered by 11am complete with staggering, slurring, vomiting for hours and blaming her for making him sad about how his drinking is effecting her then yeah.”

“That’s a big big problem. He needs help.”  ~ lilyofthealley

“It’s even more than that.”

“He started drinking at 630A?!”

No one does that outside of Vegas (even other casinos you typically have to wait until later in the morning).”

“Then add on top of that his inability to stop until he reaches the point of no return and his alcoholism is confirmed.”

“NTA OP. He has a problem and needs help.”

“If he’s not able to admit that then you have a choice to make – either put up with it until he finally admits his problem or exit and move on.”

“Safe space is just a euphemism for not wanting anyone to call out his problem and let him do what he wants without consequences.”

“I suspect there’s more to it than has been explained in the post.” ~ genxeratl

“This is why my grandma insisted she was not an alcoholic.”

“Because she did not start drinking early in the morning like alcoholics did.”

“Never mind the drinking every afternoon, evening, and night and all the issues it caused her.”

“Like if you sleep the morning away in a drunken stupor and don’t start drinking until the afternoon clearly not an alcoholic.”

“Every alcoholic has their own reasoning for how they are not an alcoholic.”  ~ Corduroycat1

“Yeah, a friend of mine at university had a similar problem.”

“He was a lovely guy when he wasn’t drunk, but he was a sloppy, emotional drunk.”

“And he recognised that was a problem.”

‘But he’d always approach parties with the attitude of ‘Well one drink doesn’t make me drunk, so that’s ok.'”

“And then that one drink would turn into, ‘Well one drink hasn’t made me drunk, so a second drink won’t be a problem.'”

“And then he’d recognise that he was affected and go ‘Well I’m already drunk, so more alcohol can’t possibly change that.'”

“Ten years later, talking on Facebook messenger, he admitted that he’d had to make the decision to go completely tee-total.”

“Because he’d finally realised that he just couldn’t allow himself to take that first drink.”

“I’m so relieved to know he finally got that self-awareness and made a healthy decision for himself.” ~ Normal-Height-8577

“He’s a binge drinker and cannot control himself whenever he drinks.”

“He’s an alcoholic, there are many different types, and he’s the binge drinking type.”

“If he’s drinking the amounts you say, he is spending absurd amounts on alcohol as well.”

“Just because he’s not spending all his money on alcohol that doesn’t mean he’s not spending a lot.”

“I’d honestly leave him in his own filth, check to make sure he’s breathing, but other than that not help him at all.”

“His drinking is a massive problem, but he gets to avoid all the negative consequences because you deal with them for him, and keep him safe.”

“You need to just leave when he starts drinking.”

I”t’s time you acknowledged he has a drinking problem, and you need to tell him that too.”

“Also tell him you’ll be having no part in that.”

“It is not your responsibility to give him a ‘safe space’ for his addiction, and you are currently doing that.”

“You need to stop enabling him.”  ~ Ok-Beginning-5922

“When this post started and you said you are ‘hypersensitive’ to drinking I thought that would mean that you don’t drink at all.”

“Having ‘3-4 glasses of sangrias’ at brunch paints a slightly different picture of hypersensitive in my mind.”

“I probably drink more then I should, but who starts drinking at 6:30am?”

“What could possibly be the reason for that?”

“Who has 8 glasses of sangria at brunch AFTER starting drinking at 6:30am?”

“You’re NTA, and he can drink as much as he wants to in front of his wife.”

“But that doesn’t mean you won’t judge him and get upset at him for it.”  ~ makethatnoise

“NTA – Your husband has a drinking problem and is gaslighting you.”

“Normal adults do not start drinking at 6:30 in the morning, alcoholics do.”

“Normal adults don’t get so drunk in the middle of the day they puke, pass out and need their wives to clean them up and tuck them into bed.”

“Alcoholics do.”

“He sounds like a ‘Weekend Warrior’ if you’re looking for a label.”

“If you continue to be his nurse, maid and mother when he gets like this you’re only enabling this behavior.”

“Which is unhealthy for both of you.”

“I’d say it’s time for couples counseling to be honest.”

“It’s unlikely he won’t continue to gaslight you when you attempt to confront him about this.”  ~ funnyflowers1321

“Yep. OP, alcoholics don’t necessarily drink every day.”

“The fact that he can’t seem to stop drinking once he starts is the red flag here–and the defensiveness and emotional manipulation.”

“Instead of apologizing like most people would if they accidentally got really drunk in a situation like this.”

“Hell, even in undergrad when I had to take care of friends who got too drunk on a night out when we were like 19 and stupid.”

“They were WAY more apologetic than this fully grown adult married man who got wasted on Sunday morning.”

“Some people have a glass of wine or two every night and are fine.”

“Some people don’t drink every night, or even any weeknight, but can’t stop once they start.”

“And that can absolutely be alcoholism.”

“Whatever you want to call it, though, OP.”

“He very clearly has a drinking problem, because he treats you terribly when he drinks and he gets so drunk at brunch that he’s slurring words and has to throw up and be put to bed and ruins your day.”

“And that’s a problem!”  ~ lawfox32

Well it sounds like OP has Reddit to back her up.

Maybe she and the husband should sit down and read through this thread together.

Then hopefully a healthy course of action for everyone can be forged.