Bodyshaming is never okay.
It’s always best not to comment on someone’s weight unless you’re a doctor, right?
Well, that’s sadly not always the case.
A woman whose boyfriend decided her teenage sister needed a heads up turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Banana_toffee asked:
“AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after he made a very inappropriate comment to my sister?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m gonna start by saying I don’t think I am the a**hole, but my now EX boyfriend (24, male) claims I have been overreacting and exaggerating.”
“I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years, and I really thought he was the one, but today he made me quickly change my mind. I have a half-sister (16, I am 22); we have the same dad and different moms, and we don’t look much alike.”
“Two years ago, my dad developed a severe form of leukemia, and he passed away within a couple of months. Needless to say, it was the hardest thing my sister and I had to face in life.”
“My sister took it particularly hard; she used to love going to the gym and working out, and she stopped doing so. She also started eating much more junk food, and ended up gaining a lot of weight.”
“Today, my boyfriend and I went to my sister’s house as her mom had invited all of us for lunch. We were eating homemade pizza, and my sister ended up asking her mom if she could have another slice.”
“That’s when my boyfriend said, ‘Are you sure you want another one looking like that?’.”
“My sister got up from the table and ran to her room. I was in shock, and I wasn’t able to tell him anything, nor follow my sister to her room, which I deeply regret.”
“Thankfully, my boyfriend and I don’t live together, so before he dropped me off at home, I told him it was over because he can’t disrespect my sister like that, especially because he had been there when my dad died and knew how it made both of us feel.”
“I tried to call my sister, and she won’t answer. I texted her mom to ask her if she’s OK, and she said she’s OK, and she’s not mad at me, but she doesn’t want to talk to anybody right now.”
“I’m going to go over to her mom’s house after she’s done with school tomorrow and bring her some flowers.”
“I know I’m not the one who said anything, but I hope she can forgive me for not stepping up… I was in shock, and I hope she understands.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP wasn’t wrong to break up with her boyfriend (NTA).
“NTA! And good job kicking him to the curb and trying to be there for your sister. If he said that to her just imagine if something happened to you, like getting pregnant, and you gained weight or something. He showed his true colors.” ~ SweetP916
“And can you imagine this man being a father to girls? Telling them to watch what they eat all the time and stressing them about looking beautiful?”
“He would instill a sense of self-worth, completely reliant on the way they look and not who they are. NTA. OP dropped the trash at the curb.” ~ Lazy-Instruction-600
“My daughter gained a lot of weight in college. My now ex, her father, never said anything to her that I know of.”
“But he said to me multiple times, ‘she’s never going to find anyone decent to date unless she loses weight’, and worse.”
“We had multiple fights over his comments, as he was (and is) overweight himself. Hypocrisy was a huge reason he’s now ex.” ~ FlounderBetter2204
“You are obviously a woman of character, while your ex is shallow and disrespectful. I think your sister will forgive you and understand when she finds out that you immediately dropped your insulting ex.”
“Stay exactly as you are, and eventually you will be with someone of equal maturity and character.” ~ Intelcourier
“NTA. This man body shamed your sister for something he doesn’t know she is going through. He sounds immature as hell.” ~ Repulsive-Top4897
“Doesn’t matter what she’s going through or if she’s going through anything at all. It was a horrible thing to say to anyone. Bodyshaming like that is never OK.” ~ Competitive-Pop-390
“And major kudos to you for having the maturity and confidence to recognize an a**hole and kick him unceremoniously to the curb!”
“Your Dad would be very proud of you for having your sister’s back and taking the appropriate steps to take out the trash when needed.” ~ SoftLatinaKitten
“NTA. What your ex said is hideous. The hell would think it’s OK to say that?”
“You have a good plan to comfort your sister. The fact that you didn’t do something immediately doesn’t make you a bad sister. You had to deal with your ex and deal with ending a long relationship.” ~ Anonymoosehead123
“Facts. Also the fact OP dumped him IMMEDIATELY after will show her sister 1. OP loves her and 2. How to deal with finding out your boyfriend is an a**hole.” ~ PennsylvaniaDutchess
“You’ll be forgiven for freezing in shock when you tell her you dumped his rude a** for what he said to her. If that isn’t stellar sisterly solidarity, then I don’t know what is.”
“Well done, OP. You didn’t hesitate to do the right thing. NTA.” ~ Impossible_Balance11
“I just want to note you should explain in a way that doesn’t make it feel like it’s her fault that you broke up. I think it can be easy for someone like the sister to feel like you broke up because of her when the real situation is he’s a sh*t person.” ~ cirv
“NTA. It is heartwarming that you care about your sister so much. Your ex is cruel. Do not let him gaslight you in to taking him back. You didn’t overreact, you acted like a boss!” ~ Junior-Trade5338
“I think when you tell her that you broke up with him because you could never be with someone who would talk to your sister like that and remind her that sisters come first and you got her back…I think she’ll feel better.”
“Obviously, she’s insecure, and he didn’t help that, but it will make her feel better to know she has your support.” ~ MamaLlama629
“Beware: Don’t backtrack, accept apologies, let him weasel his way into trying to apologize directly to your sister, etc… to try to make things right and get back together. Something like that is probably coming. Don’t fall for it.” ~ _Star_808
“My mother let my brother body shame me constantly. I was bulimic for years.”
“Good on you for protecting your sister.” ~ stryker_cast
“F*CK THAT GUY.”
“NTA. You and your sister’s relationship will be okay, I suspect, but the sting of his comment will likely linger for her.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“And, stepping up to defend her, wouldn’t have changed anything. He already said it. Don’t beat yourself up. He caused that damage, not you. Nor is there anything anybody could really do to rectify it, once it had been said.”
“Just try and be there for her and prop her up in the fallout of his sh*tty, stupid jab.”
“Shows how shallow his value systems are… Stupid prick.”
“Good riddance. And I’m so sorry about your dad; I lost my mom at 10. Dead parents club… it sucks and there’s no way around that. But you’re not alone. Sending love to you and your sister.” ~ HeadChefOf
“NTA. That was not only incredibly disrespectful to your sister, but he did it in front of her mother. That shows blatant disregard for people in your life in general. And, he’s cruel.” ~ Sparkles_4_Corvids
“Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Tell her that you froze, and then your mind started racing to how best to break up with this Neanderthal. Tell her you did it as you were getting out of the car when he dropped you at home.”
“It wasn’t until you called her to tell her what you had done, and she didn’t answer, that you realized that you should have gone to her first and talked to her.
Tell her you love her, and of all people, you know how bad this pain of losing Dad is. Let her feel this pain, but be there for her.” ~ Evening_Delay_1856
“NTA. Give yourself some grace that you didn’t react/respond in the moment as you were in SHOCK to process what TF was going on!”
“You dodged a bullet as this was the intro to how he would speak to YOU at some point, whether it’s during pregnancy, afterwards, or any point in life. Body and weight changes throughout for women and men, too, but the focus has been on women.”
“F’ that lil boy and mend that relationship with your sister. At the top of that, suggest going to grief therapy together, it’s clear she’s coping much differently and not healthily.” ~ Word_of_the_wise
Grief hits different.
Some people stop eating, others self-soothe with food.
Some stop working out, others get obsessive about exercise.
All OP can do is be there for her sister.