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Bride Accuses Previously Overweight Sister Of Getting Fit Before Her Wedding To ‘Upstage’ Her

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Taking care of ourselves, physically and mentally, is incredibly important, but sometimes, people will do things that make us feel less than supported.

Some will even accuse us of trying to get attention, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Late-Water-9669 was recently accused of trying to upstage her sister at her wedding when she lost a lot of weight.

When she was criticized by the whole family, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow wrong to put her health first.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for losing weight before my sister’s wedding?”

The OP recently lost a lot of weight without many people knowing about it.

“I (28 [Female]) used to be quite overweight.”

“Over the last year or so, I have made many changes in my life and have successfully lost almost 100lbs.”

“I don’t live close to any of my family and don’t post on social media, so my family wasn’t really aware of my weight loss.”

“I did mention that I was making healthier choices, but that’s it.”

‘It’s just that every time before that, I’ve tried to lose weight and it hasn’t worked out, so I didn’t want anyone commenting on it.”

The OP’s new appearance was not well-received.

“My sister (26 [Female]) got engaged last year, and I’m super happy for her.”

“Due to circumstances, the wedding had to be pushed back a little.”

“It’s happening a week from now, and because I haven’t seen everyone in so long, I decided to come down two weeks earlier to help out and catch up.”

“Well, when I came to see my family, my sister freaked out upon seeing me.”

“As it turns out, she has gained a bit of weight, but it’s not super noticeable. To me, she still looks great.”

“But I think this is the first time in our lives that I’m smaller than her. I’ve always been the ‘fat sister.'”

The family accused the OP of trying to steal the spotlight.

“She basically accused me of trying to upstage her, and my parents are fully taking her side.”

“I’m really not sure if I’m in the wrong here as so many of my family are taking her side of things.”

“AITA for losing weight before my sister’s wedding?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the OP should be proud of her accomplishments. 

“NTA, as someone who fought their way from 360 to 140, CONGRATS!!!! I know you worked hard and should be proud. Losing weight is a lot harder then people think. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing. You made it through, now go out and enjoy your healthy self.”JustJessJ_Art

“Once you actually reach your goal, you have to deal with the people who take your accomplishment as a personal attack, like OP’s sister.”

“My weight has fluctuated quite a bit throughout my adulthood, and I’ll that losing a lot of weight is the easiest way to figure out who your real friends are.”

“Some people hate it when their fat/unattractive friend suddenly becomes more conventionally attractive because they only kept that friend around to make themselves look/feel better.”

“Side note: Beware of anyone who feels the need to bring up past failed attempts at losing weight, or tease you if you end up stumbling on your weight loss journey.”

“People who genuinely want to see you succeed wouldn’t taunt you with past failures, because that is obviously not helpful. If you feel compelled to keep your weight loss a secret, consider cutting off the a**holes instead.”trinaenthusiast

“OP, I’ll be your internet mom and say how PROUD I am of you!”

“Being a healthier person all around has so many benefits beyond just size, and I want you to try your best to let any nastiness or rude comments your family makes roll off your back.”

“You know that they’re just jealous and being cruel. It’s about them, not you.”

“YOU ARE AMAZING! Keep it up!”

“Oh, and NTA, clearly. They are delusional to think that your motivation for losing weight has anything to do with your sister, her wedding, or any of them.”

“If they don’t let up, leave. Don’t waste your vacation on something that will make you miserable and be bad for your mental health.”

“Go use your precious vacation time renting an AirBNB by the ocean or in the middle of a fall-color forest or somewhere that will be refreshing and relaxing. Hugs!”m2cwf

Others criticized the OP’s family for the “fat sister” joke. 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know weddings make people say and do nutty things. But to be upset at you for working to become healthier… I think you are amazing and deserve to be praised.”

“I understand not telling people about your journey as I did the same thing. Just started and let them find out as I lost the weight and it became noticeable. I did it for the same reason. Too many failures.”

“I was always the fat sister and lost almost 80 pounds. And had the same experience of suddenly being the thinner sister.”

“The pandemic came and I gained weight and was about the same as my sister. We supported each other in our weight loss. I wish you could have that.”


“That doesn’t sound like a very funny joke. So your sister only wants you around as long as you can be her punching bag?”

“I’m truly sorry that your family can’t be supportive of your amazing achievement. Just know that a ton of internet strangers are so proud of you and wish you the best.”littlehorse82

“The sister sounds so self-absorbed, like she enjoyed being the ‘skinny sister’ as if it was some kind of competition or had any contribution to her worth as a person.”

“She seriously accused OP of only losing weight to spite/upstage her? That kind of logic is ridiculous to me, especially with all the super hard work OP had to put into losing the weight.”

“It’s hard to change your eating habits and learn how to make them work long-term, not just as a diet specifically for losing weight. Plus losing that amount of weight has plenty of other struggles, urges to binge on cravings, working on impulse control, working and staying motivated through plateaus.”

“Sister is def the AH and so are the parents for siding with her ridiculous accusation. Not everything is about her, and it’s clear why she seems to think it is.”

“I’m sorry OP, you deserve better. No wonder you kept your weight loss/health journey to yourself for the most part, they seem unsupportive and just downright mean to you. Have you always been the scapegoat or is this a one off kinda situation?”mkat23

“When the family isn’t happy for her and putting sis in her place… of course the golden child will act bratty.”

“This might explain why OP was overweight to begin with… and why she might have only success losing weight and being healthy away from the family.”

“OP, hard as it is, stop looking for love from them, love yourself and go build your own supportive family. And good on ya for being healthy and losing weight. I struggle with losing 10lbs. We be proud of you.”bart6ok

“There was a pattern to their lives and OP was the fat sister/ugly duckling and they don’t know how to deal with it. Usually families/groups try to bully the changed person back into the pattern, but I don’t see them getting her to put 100 pounds back on in 2 weeks.”

“Plus the sister is worried that all people will talk about at the wedding is OP’s weight loss (and lowkey her weight gain).”

“NTA. OP. Just work on a repertoire of responses about how beautiful your sister looks, how perfect the wedding is. How lucky your sister is, etc. etc.”MissTheWire

Some recommended the OP go home before the wedding. 

“I had a similar thing happen when I lost 50 pounds before my brother’s wedding. No accusations of me trying to ‘upstage’ her, but my SIL (sister-in-law) was VERY cold towards me.”

“I don’t hold it against her though because I was getting attention and compliments. It was her day, I’m sure she was annoyed that anything was detracting from it.”

“We’re friendly now and it’s all good. But I can understand why the bride might be a little upset (though her reaction and the family’s reaction is extreme which is why I think NTA and not NAH).”PEN-15-CLUB

“I’m almost of the opinion OP should calmly ask them if she should return home now, so as to not cause any more uproar… and then do it if the answer is yes.”

“If they say no, then stay… with the requirement that not one more word about her weight be spoken.”Realistic-Animator-3

“Don’t let them and their insanity take you back to that place. I would be offering to not attend with a promise that the cost of that decision for her is your relationship ending.”

“And tell your parents the same. Do not let them drag you back to that place as they are trying to do. You are strong, you are beautiful, and you’ve got this.”DeviouslySerene

“I would pack up and go home. Why put yourself through that negativity when you should be celebrating your accomplishment?”

“I’m so proud of you! I’m glad you didn’t tell your family because their reaction is an indicator they absolutely would have sabotaged your efforts.”

“Just leave with the excuse of, ‘I don’t want to steal sis’s shine so I’m just going to go on home. Bye!'”


With her whole family criticizing her, it’s no wonder the OP thought she might be wrong for going on her weight loss journey, but the subReddit reassured her that she was right to take care of herself.

While the bride of course would want all attention to be on her wedding day, perhaps reprioritizing and understanding what a good thing this could be for her sister might be the better, more empathetic and loving way to go.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.