The drama never ends when you plan a wedding.
There are details that pop up, you’d never even dream about.
Even the simplest matter can be a catastrophe.
Case in point…
Redditor Purple_Fig_3821 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for demanding a 12-year-old NOT wear a bridesmaid dress in our colour to our wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Please Reddit tell me if I’m being a bridezilla or if I’m not actually an AH.”
Me (44 F[emale]) and my partner (36 F) get married next month after 4 cancellations due to Covid.”
“Our colors have never changed since we first organized our wedding and everyone knows our colors due to it being my partner’s fave color.”
“I always wanted an adult wedding party.”
“Kids are welcome to the wedding. I just didn’t want bridesmaids under 18 or flower girls page boys etc).”
“My partner’s brother, we shall call him Bob and his partner Annie have 3 children, F12, M[ale] 7, F2.”
“F12 has always made it known that she’s not happy she’s not a bridesmaid.”
“But she is also quite a spoilt stroppy child.”
“We explained that we couldn’t choose between our 14 nieces and nephews and couldn’t afford to have them all so we didn’t have any!”
“Annie is one of my bridesmaids just for context.”
“Last week the 3 children wanted to show us the outfits that they are wearing to our wedding.”
“And when F12 showed me I must admit I lost it!.”
“Not at the child… not in front of the child.”
“It was LITERALLY a bridesmaids’ dress in our color!”
“Me and my wife-to-be had a massive argument about it because she says ‘it’s just a dress.'”
“But I was so upset!”
“I told her she needed to fix it because otherwise I would change the whole color of the wedding or cancel the bloody wedding!”
“She spoke to Bob and Annie and they weren’t happy, but they’ve changed the dress.”
“Now however every time something comes up about the wedding my wife-to-be throws it in my face that I ‘threw a tantrum’ over a 12-year-old’s dress.”
“Can you all just tell me if I was in the wrong?”
“I’m not sleeping because of the stupid arguments and I’m at the end of my rope.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“You’re not in the wrong.”
“Having one niece in the exact shade of your bridesmaids’ dresses will make it seem like she is also a bridesmaid.”
“And I suspect, if you hadn’t stood firm about this, you would have ended up with a de-facto additional bridesmaid alongside her mother.”
“You were clear that you couldn’t have all so you wouldn’t have any.”
“The major AHs here are Annie and Bob because they allowed/enabled this.” ~ mygreyangel
“I’m also very concerned that her partner threw her under the bus with her family.”
“It should have been a situation where her partner told them what needed to happen without saying that it was OP’s fault.”
“I’m not saying it’s an automatic call off the wedding but it needs to be addressed, for sure.”
“You don’t throw your partner to the wolves.” ~ _psychologizer_
“NTA. That child was being a spoiled brat.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she shows up at your wedding wearing the dress you asked her not to.”
“Remind your family member that and tell them they will have to take her home if she does.”
“Sounds like you’re the only one that wants to stand up to family members.” ~ GonnaBeOverIt
“A coworker had this happen.”
“She asked all 3 nieces aged 4 years, 5 years, and 5 years to be flower girls.”
“One threw a tantrum, she wanted to be a bridesmaid because she was the ‘oldest’ (by less than 6 months if I remember correctly).”
“She was too young to even be a junior bridesmaid because she was afraid to even walk down the aisle alone.”
“Bride also didn’t want junior bridesmaids because she didn’t want a huge wedding party and had at least 8-10 tween cousins who she would have had to ask.”
“She bought them special dresses and had them sing.”
“It was adorable.”
“Her niece refused to be in the wedding.”
“Bride’s S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s were both in the wedding.”
“Bratty girl’s mother had a dress made for her that exactly matched mom’s.”
“Bride was horrified and diplomatically asked her not to wear this because she didn’t want misunderstandings or hurt feelings with the other nieces or cousins.”
“They agreed but Bratty girl showed up in it anyway.”
“Bratty girl walks up the aisle with bridesmaid mom holding her bouquet because she was ‘too scared’ to sit without her parents.”
“The bride was furious.”
“It indeed caused hurt feelings, and made the bride and groom look like liars who left family members out of their wedding and snubbed children.”
“Plus, the 5-year-old looked ridiculous in a spaghetti strap gown with a slit up to the thigh.” ~ meaniessuck
Some other thoughts were bandied about.
“ESH. ‘It’s just a dress goes both ways here.”
“No, they shouldn’t be indulging a spoiled preteen.”
“But neither should you be threatening to cancel the whole wedding over said preteen choosing to advertise her desperation to be a bridesmaid.”
“Unless this is just the last straw in your fiancée rolling over to unreasonable demands from relatives.”
“In which case you need to forget the dress and deal with that.”
OP replied…
“Don’t get me wrong, I was pissed off at Annie and Bob more than anything.”
“Especially as Annie is part of the ‘wedding party.’
“I didn’t lose it in front of anyone.”
“I just think it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“I would never have called the wedding off but the words came out of my mouth in the middle of a heated argument about how selfish I felt the parents were being.”
“Before I could stop them I’ve bent over for all of the wedding.”
“Only my mum and stepdad are coming from my side.”
“The rest is my partner’s very large family… was a private reaction I would never do it in front of a child.”
Reddit continued…
“Give yourself some forgiveness.”
“Weddings make people act like an array of a**holes.”
“You had covid delays added to yours – More Crazy.”
“And your brother and Annie are grown-ups and parents- they need to parent their daughter and explain we don’t all get to be bridesmaids every time someone we know gets married.”
“Annie was def trying to get you to let it slide about the dress.”
“Your wedding, not hers and not her place and you can bet if your niece was allowed to show up in that dress her expectations of being considered bridesmaid by default would be UGLY.”
“You don’t owe anyone an apology for your stress reaction or your tears.”
“Best wishes, enjoy the day, and ignore the a-holes in your midst.” ~ No_Appointment_7232
“No, OP can’t forget the dress.”
“There are 13 other children who might see her in the color and think they were left out.”
“Also, wouldn’t be surprised if she told her cousins that she was in the wedding party and used the color of her dress as ‘proof.'” ~ PastaQueen25
“NTA. It was clear that the girl shouldn’t be a bridesmaid.”
“By wearing a dress that is similar in colour and appearance she will make people think she is a bridesmaid.”
“Simple as that.”
“You are allowed to throw a ‘tantrum’ because it seems that these people went out of their way to insinuate that the 12 F is a bridesmaid.”
“Whilst you clearly stated she wouldn’t be one.” ~ Purpleurkelfromurk
“NTA. The other 13 nieces wouldn’t look like part of the wedding party, but one would look identical to the bridal party.”
“Annie and her daughter would be matching in the photos and this would likely cause a lot of drama when it looks like you have allowed one niece to be a bridesmaid without duties and not the others.”
“That for some reason your one niece on your wife’s side is more special than the rest.”
“The parents are the AH.”
“Although losing it wasn’t great, but nobody can claim they haven’t lost it at least once when dealing with something stressful.”
“So I do think you need to apologize for the way you lost it.”
“However your wife’s attitude is rubbish.”
“I kind of have a feeling she knew about the colour and was letting it happen?” ~ Ok-Macaron-6211
“NTA. That 12-year-old did it on purpose because she wanted to be a bridesmaid.”
“She’s more than old enough to know better.”
“You did tantrum a bit though, but it’s something you should be able to do when someone purposefully goes against your known wishes.” ~ CompleteInsect8373
OP, Reddit understands your issue.
It’s your wedding, you… and your partner get to decide the dress code.
Hopefully, everyone can come to terms with that.
Good luck and congrats.