Weddings can stir up a lot of feelings. Especially for those who have lost a family member.
But, people should understand that weddings are about those getting married and the rest of us should just be happy to be there.
Redditor Melodic-Fan-1184 encountered this very issue with her dad and grandpa. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my grandpa to walk me down the aisle over my mom’s husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My dad died when I was 12. My parents were long since divorced.”
“My mom introduced me to her husband 2 days after my 13th birthday and married him five months later. I think my mom’s husband was hoping I would see him as another parent and dad figure. But because of my age I always saw him as my mom’s husband.”
“We get along fine but he was never someone I looked to for dad stuff. That fell to my grandpa, my dad’s dad.”
“Even before my dad died I was around my paternal grandparents a lot and I looked to my grandpa as another dad figure.”
“So, when I got engaged last year I asked my grandfather if he would walk me down the aisle. Not because I wanted something super traditional but I was always a daddy’s girl, and he was my favorite person when I was a kid, so he would have been by my side regardless.”
OP and her fiance decided to switch it up a little.
“My fiancé and I decided we would walk together with one parent each beside us. So I chose my grandfather in place of my dad and my fiancé chose his mom.”
“I didn’t really say anything because I didn’t think I needed to.”
“But when my mom’s husband asked who was walking me and I told him my grandpa, he got really quiet for like an hour and then asked me why I chose my grandpa over him.”
“My mom was there at that point and asked why I would ask a grandparent over a parent. I said I wanted my grandpa there to represent my dad, and because we had a very close, very important relationship.”
“I said my mom and her husband would be walking together during the wedding. They said it wasn’t enough and that he should have been asked first as the true father figure.”
“I told them my grandpa was more of a father figure to me and had the more influential role in my life and that I was sorry if feelings were hurt but my grandpa was who I wanted there.”
OP’s stepdad was upset.
“My mom’s husband said I should have considered him more, and at least just walk with my fiancé if I wouldn’t even ask him to be by my side. My mom told me she was disappointed in me.”
“That it’s not what my dad would have wanted. I told her I think this is exactly what my dad would have wanted. Which she couldn’t argue back with.”
“It’s been a little bit and there is still tension there. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA”
“You are right. They are wrong. This one ain’t complicated.” ~ poeadam
“You also explained your choice in a reasonable way. I can understand why your mum’s husband might feel disappointed, but that does not give him, or anyone else, the right to call you on your choice.”
“NTA”
“Good luck” ~ cptnstup1d
“I agree that she is NTA. However I don’t think she shouldn’t have over explained herself to people who clearly weren’t going to listen. When I asked you should’ve just left it as ‘I have a very close relationship with my grandpa and he is very important to me.'”
“And if they continue to asking again again repeat the exact same phrase and do not humor any additional discussion of this.”
“If they continue to push after this and inquire why he was not chosen respond with a question of whatever does he mean followed by I will take that into consideration.”
“Then at a later date you could say after much consideration ‘I realize I have a very close relationship with my grandpa and he is very important enough to me to walk me down the aisle.'” ~ SnooSuggestions2288
Some argued that it wasn’t just about the walk.
“The NTA ruling isn’t complicated. The feelings of mom and SF are. If they had stopped after being sad and asking for clarification, they would have earned NAH. When they kept it up, used words like “disappointing”, and brought up deceased father, there became TA.” ~ justinwalltown
“This is why I voted NTA instead of NAH. If they had just been sad it would have been understandable. But then they started trying to make OP feel bad for her choice and that’s when they stepped into AH territory.” ~ voluntold9276
“His hurt feelings aren’t OP’s responsibility. I’m pretty sure the writing was on the wall since the mother got married, so it shouldn’t be a shock.”
“I don’t get why step parents try to force this crap so much. I loved my Step Mother and still consider her one even after my dad divorced her, but even she would understand if I chose my mother over her for something like this. F*ck sake.” ~ veloxaraptor
“NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Your stepfather is making your wedding about him and his hurt feelings. He was your mother’s choice, not yours and you are much closer to your paternal grandfather. Your stepfather is allowed to have his feelings on the issue, but that’s where it ends.”
“Him telling you that you should have considered him more and just to walk with your fiance crosses the line. You’re doing what feels natural and best for you; now your mother and stepfather need to respect your decision. You have done nothing wrong here.” ~ Consistent-Leopard71
“This! It’s fine for him to ask (and fine for him to hope) and even fine for him to be disappointed. But by asking more questions, he is only going to hurt himself since there’s no non-hurtful answer of why you like someone else better than him (a lesson most of us learned in middle school)” ~ DinaFelice
It’s OP’s wedding and she can walk with whomever she wants.