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Groom’s Family Furious To Learn His Fiancée Is Planning On Wearing Heirloom Tiara For Wedding

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Weddings are one of the most special days of our entire lives.  For those of us who have found our people, the wedding is a declaration in front of family and friends that you will be spending the rest of your life together. It is a day of celebration with the sky being the limit for how to celebrate.

Redditor tiaraconundrum was so excited that she wanted to wear a tiara to her wedding—a thing which her future in-laws did not respond to very well.  When her in-laws learned of this idea, they sharply rebuked her.

Unsure if she was in the wrong, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for objective feedback from strangers:

“AITA for wanting to wear a tiara to my wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So, i`m not entirely sure how this is going to come out.”

“First time poster, on a throwaway for privacy. Also, not a native English speaker so my grammar may be a little awkward.”

“I need to know if I am being unreasonable in this so I`ll try and present the problem in a fair way.”

“So me (female 27) and my fiancé (male 30) are to get married in December in a nice hotel in Paris.”

“This is to be a fairly big wedding since both our families are traveling for it and a lot of our friends and colleagues have a Paris residence or access to one.”

“His family is from Germany and has some kind of aristocratic past that I believe could be the root of our disagreement.”

“I´m sorry if that sounds disrespectful, but I´m not well acquainted with nobility and titles and the such (I´m originally from a republic).”

“When my grandma passed in 2015 she left some jewelry to be distributed among her female descendants and I got, among other stuff, a diamond tiara that had been in her family since her aunt had married into a noble family.”

“Of course, there is no real occasion for me to wear something like that in my regular life, but, since it has sentimental value, I have kept it and kept paying for the insurance all this time, with the expectation that on my wedding day I could finally find the occasion to wear it.”

OP’s in-laws did not approve almost immediately:

“My stb (Soon To Be) husband’s family found out that I was planning to wear it and are strongly suggesting it could be inappropriate and embarrassing to wear a tiara in the kind of reception we are planning.”

“Their argument is that it would not be in accordance to protocol to wear a tiara in a hotel, even as a bride, and for that reason, it would be in poor taste.”

“I would agree if it were a daytime event, since my mother has always told me diamonds are not to be worn by daylight, but this is an evening affair and I am the one getting married.”

“On the other hand, I understand that my wedding is not exclusively about me or even us as a couple, but about our families and guests in general.”

“My fiancé is claiming he has no knowledge of the protocol involved, nor interest in finding out, but has paid attention to the etiquette of white tie wear, and I would hate to ruin it for him with a less than proper bridal outfit.”

“I understand this is a fairly minor problem to have, but since we are in agreement about most of everything else, it would be a shame to start our marriage by making my in-laws uncomfortable.”

“So, Reddit, AITA, or are my fiancé´s parents too old-fashioned?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors had no blame to give OP.

“Kate Middleton wore a tiara. Princess Diana wore a tiara. The Queen wore a tiara. Perhaps OP’s soon to be in-laws need to go back to the books when it comes to etiquette.”

“(Also, I wore a tiara – albeit not diamonds – and felt amazing. I have worn it round the house on a number of occasions since because Reasons).”-kifflington

“Yeah my first thought was the family is either actually not aristocratic — pseudo-anythings are always the most exacting and ungracious gatekeepers, don’t you find?”

“Unable to act like they’ve been there before, cuz they haven’t — or are LYING for some reason (say, because one or more female members of fiancé’s family want to wear their own and they fear that OP’s will be nicer).”

“F**k them. Wear the shit out of that tiara. Lean it right into the disapproving family members’ faces and blind them with its effulgence. NTA”-ComunqueS

“I’m a midwesterner so most of the weddings I’ve been to have been all country with cowboy boots and camouflage.”

“So I kind of just thought they didn’t think tiaras would go with the look BUT have always believed since childhood that your wedding is YOUR DAY TO BE QUEEN and a tiara is basically mandatory.”

“I (28F) still feel this way and actually got my friend who recently got engaged a tiara that matches her engagement ring because she’s a true Cinderella and I wanted her to feel as special as she should.”

“Granted, she may not wear it on her wedding day but I know she’ll humor me and wear it to her bachelorette party at the very least.”

“OP is NTA and should wear that tiara whenever she wants, ESPECIALLY in her wedding day.”

“Personally I’d be wearing it all the time at home whether I’m just sitting around watching tv, doing dishes, playing video games, or whatever.”

“I’d rock it while in PJ’s too. You don’t need an event to wanna feel like a Queen.”-Bratty_Squid

“Some folks take things like etiquette and protocol SUPER serious. It is annoying and elitist. Etiquette is not the same as having good manners or being a gracious host or guest.”

“It is a list of weaponized rules meant to make others feel inferior, less than, and to highlight that they don’t belong.”

“Obviously, you are NTA OP. If you have thick skin, put on your beautiful tiara with pride and ignore anyone who has an issue with it.”

“BUT, if you are the type of person who would get your feelings hurt by whispered gossip, snide remarks, and backhanded praise, then don’t wear it.”

“It may seem like letting the petty snobs win, but it may be best to do what makes you happy/comfortable.”-Electrical-Date-3951

People reiterated the wedding is HER day, not her in-laws’.

“Not too long ago etiquette for wearing tiaras was for married nobility and brides. Additionally, it was a well known rule to old-schoolers never to wear a tiara in a hotel but that has fallen by the wayside.”

“The only people that may be offended by this are those that continue to follow the old school etiquette.”

“NTA This is your wedding and it’s my personal belief is you should be able to wear the tiara your grandmother passed down to you.”

“Though, you may catch some slack or snide comments from guests who refuse to move into the future.”

“If you want to read more about it Geoffrey C. Munn wrote a book called ‘Tiaras: A History of Splendour’ if you’re interested in its history, protocols and whatnot.”-Saraqael_Rising

“I am not remotely from nobility and had a crystal and freshwater pearl headband/tiara-ish piece to anchor my veil at my 2005 wedding.”

“It’s not uncommon to do so in the US where I was married. I don’t know if that changes things but I live in Northern Europe and see people wearing similar pieces at weddings.”

“This is a family heirloom and I don’t see the issue. NTA.”-Issyswe

“I actually went to my bookshelf and flipped through my 1979 edition of ‘Miss Manners’ Guide to Impeccably Perfect Behavior’ to confirm this–“

“Protocol is 100% for a diamond tiara at an evening wedding. The Expert Herself confirms you’re in the right. NTA!”

“Also, it’s worth keeping in mind that in the 1950’s, bridal tiaras were a HUGE thing because brides were emulating Queen Elizabeth’s style in her 1947 wedding.”

“My grandmother wore a pearl encrusted tiara to her wedding in ’52 because of it, which my mother wore it to hers in ’86, and I’ll be doing the same for mine next year.”

“Just to note that there is a ton of historical precedent out there proving your future in-laws wrong.”

“Do your future self a favor by not establishing yourself as a pushover now–it’ll just make it harder to stand up for yourself in the more important disagreements (child rearing, money, etc) down the road!”-yes______hornberger

“NTA. The people telling you this are just being jealous and more than a little petty. This is an heirloom item that you have no occasion to wear until now and you finally get to do that and people feel that they get to weigh in and tel you how to dress?”

“No that is not ok. If you do that you’ll be hiding your happiness and fortune lest you offend someone and your husband has your back.”

“It’s too bad they didn’t inherit a beautiful piece of jewelry but that’s not ok that they would effectively take that benefit away by guilting your into no doing as you wish with your own property at your own wedding.”-WoofingtonSpiff

“Tiara rules: generally the first time a woman wears one is as a bride. Never worn before 5PM UNLESS as a bride at her own wedding.”

“Hotel wear is fine, especially if, again, by a bride @ her wedding. Fiance dude doesn’t know jack about them.” – Elehhhhna

The OP even received some feedback from an expert.

“I write a blog about tiaras (yes, I realize that’s weird) and several people sent me this so I made a post disproving it with photographic evidence if you want to show your in-laws.”

Basically tiaras not being worn in hotels hasn’t been an etiquette rule since at least WWII and Queen Elizabeth II herself has worn tiaras in hotels all over the world.”

“As a side note I despise the word protocol, most of it is just made up by royal fans to criticize women they don’t like and it gets repeated so much that people take it as fact.” – TiaraMania

OP did return with an update to offer more information and a potential resolution.

“Thank you to everyone that commented, I´m overwhelmed by the love and support!!”

“Truly, this community is amazing, if only for that I am glad to have posed the question.”

“Special thank you to those of you who took the trouble to look for bibliographic references to shed light on the issue and what their motives might be.”

“Someone mentioned that hotel ballrooms are a logical substitute for private estate weddings and that made me remember that we never gave any serious thought to his parent’s idea to have the wedding at the family estate (for us it made much more sense to have it in a major city).”

“So they may feel some kind of way about that.”

“Long story short, my fiancé is going to try to mend bridges with his parents about this issue -in case they have the emotional intelligence to admit they felt slighted- and, what most of everyone who commented wants to hear: The tiara is staying.”

“I´ll make sure to have the wedding team speak with the hairdresser about it in time for her to choose the appropriate products and tools to attach it the right way, thank you for all the resources on that issue as well!”

“As for those who mentioned or made witty remarks about this being the epitome of first-world problems, I have to agree, and you made me laugh at myself quite a lot.”

“At the end of the day, it is a celebration, and we are spending too much energy in thinking about its ‘perfectness’, so to speak.”

“We do need to loosen up.”

May the tiara OP fought so hard for be the talking piece of her wedding outfit.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.