People love to make other people’s weddings about them. What the decor should be, who should be invited, what colors the bridesmaids wear. And most of the time, the people within your own family seem to be those people.
Redditor ThWayAITA found herself confronted by her sister for having children attend her wedding. Her sister was not at all thrilled by the choice and used some unkind language to describe it.
Unsure if she’d done something wrong by allowing children at the wedding, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers:
“AITA for Allowing Kids at my Wedding?”
Our original poster, or OP, was having a simple lunch when her sister shared a vicious opinion about children at weddings.
“I (F[emale]/28) am marrying my fiancé (M[ale]/31) next year. I had lunch with my mom and sister (F/27) yesterday, and was filling my mother in on how planning is going.”
“I mentioned offhandedly that my fiancé’s niblings will be attending. My sister was not pleased, but the convo moved on.”
“I received a text from her last night, saying that I was ‘classless’ for inviting kids, that no one would be able to have fun at the wedding, and that I was ‘stupid’ because they wouldn’t enjoy it anyways and probably ruin the whole thing.”
But OP isn’t even having a big wedding.
“We’re having a small wedding, and my fiancé is very involved with his niblings. But now I’m worried that no one will enjoy the wedding if I let the kids come, and that it’s just ‘not done.'”
“My friends are split- some acted like it was crazy not to invite kids, others said they wouldn’t go to my wedding if I did and it was an AH move, because the parents wouldn’t get a night off, couldn’t fully enjoy the wedding, and the kids would be miserable.”
“So, AITA? The friends aren’t invited! It’s family only, 25 guests total, 6 of whom will be minors. We’re also not doing a traditional reception, just a nice meal out.”
“Three of the kids are from his side, three are from mine. All three from mine are older, including my brother who will be just shy of 17.”
“No, he was not invited to my sister’s wedding. Of the six minors, three will be teens, one will be 11, one 7, and the last is a baby.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
People essentially told OP’s sister to mind her own business.
“NTA. If the parents want a night off, they can find childcare for the night. I personally don’t understand not inviting kids to weddings. I did not grow up like that.”
“Kids have always been invited and if the parents did not want them to come, they would find a sitter or friend or family member to watch the kid.”
“I have even been to weddings where the couple hired a sitter to watch the kids at the party with an area where the kids could go and sleep if they were tired.”-Organic_Extension750
“I understand it both ways. Until you’ve witnessed an event where the child is extremely misbehaved or crying the whole ceremony, it’s easy to say why not invite the kids.”
“Sometimes it is a parental issue of forcing the kid who doesn’t want to be there in uncomfortable clothes and not dealing with the child appropriately.”
“Forcing everyone in the ceremony to listen to their whining or a mother who tries to shush a wailing baby while watching the ceremony instead of taking the infant out of the room or not feeding the baby when it’s hungry and just letting them just cry because feeding time is during the ceremony.”
“Usually when it goes bad with kids there, it’s 99% on the adults. From the sounds of Ops post don’t think the children at yours will be much of an issue.”
“1/5th of the people invited to my wedding are 7 and under. The parents have made their own choice of whether or not they bring the child. Some are, some aren’t. Nta”-rst012345
“NTA – not sure why your sister thinks it’s her place to say anything, she sounds like a peach. Guests don’t mind kids at weddings/receptions .. what they do mind is loud ill mannered screeching kids that the parents make no effort to control.”
“Your fiancé is involved with his niblings, so I don’t think they should be an issue and if they get loud or show signs of being bored.. the parents can always take them home.”
“It would be a shame to miss out on having the niblings included in some fun photos since everyone is that close.”-cmm2007
“NTA. And can I just say, thanks for inviting the breastfeeding infant. It’s your choice who you invite and I’m not trying to shame people who just don’t want babies at their weddings.”
“I get what babies can be like, but so often a breastfeeding or chestfeeding parent has to choose not to go or to go through hell pumping and finding someone trustworthy with an infant and … if you are a parent who knows what’s up, you just: walk outside if the infant screams?”
“So much easier, and a chance to be included. Even for people who don’t breastfeed, it’s hard to be separated from your baby for such a long time, especially if you work outside the house and don’t get all the time with them.”
“Your sister can make choices according to her own tastes at her own wedding, if she is so inclined. This wedding belongs to you and your fiance and these kids are obviously important to him.”
“Asking him not to invite people he loves for her preference is ridiculous, and that’s not even getting into straight up insulting you with this ‘classless’ and ‘stupid’ noise. She needs to pipe down and be nice.”-warmgreyverylight
And people were telling OP that it’s her wedding to do with as she pleases.
“NTA. Your sister is one of those horrible human being who doesn’t understand that you should be able to have a ton of fun even with kids around.”
“How dare she be so selfish, putting her narrow world view above your fiancé’s love for his family.”-GreekAmericanDom
“NTA – wtaf, my wedding was kid friendly, we had a jumping castle and the parents loved it because their kiddos were worn out when it came time to go home lol.”
“Plus what business is it of hers? Is she paying anything towards your wedding? Like wtf? You do you, boo.”-iraddney
“NTA. Your sister has got a lot of nerve though texting you her opinion in such a vile way. Any ‘friend’ who say they won’t go to your wedding if you do XY or Z should not be considered a friend and definitely not invited to your wedding. Friends don’t do that to friends.”
“Just because children are invited doesn’t mean the guests need to invite them along. 🙄”
“Bottom line – it’s you and your fiance’s wedding/reception. It is your decision. Invite who makes you happy and those who want am opportunity to share with you all the celebration of your union.”-ThrillDr1
“WTF, no, absolutely not. Any decision made by the people getting married is a valid decision but I think it’s fair to say that the vast majority of weddings have children welcome (and indeed participating, eg as bridesmaids, flowers, ring bearers etc.)”
“And that not having kids allowed, in a family or social circle that includes kids, is the unusual – albeit far from unheard-of – state of affairs.”
“Hard NTA. I’m now vaguely worried about how your sister is intending to behave at your wedding, though…”-RafRafRafRaf
People are wondering why OP’s sister even cares:
“Obviously NTA. It’s your wedding you can do what you want. Your sister is an asshole for even making this a point of contention.”
“Plenty of people have kids at weddings and everyone still has a great time (I went to a kid-friendly wedding this weekend and many of the kids were the life of the party!).”
“Your sister can have an adult-only wedding if she wishes but what you want to do is none of her concern.”-EveningJellyfish1
“NTA. It isn’t any of your sister’s business who you invite. The parents getting a ‘night off’ isn’t your responsibility.”
“If they want the night off, they can hire a babysitter and choose not to bring their children along. Basically, you need to tell your sister to back up.”
“It isn’t her wedding, her choice or her business. She has a right to whatever opinion she wants, but it doesn’t mean you HAVE to take it into consideration.”
“Her dislike of children is her own issue, and not one you need to bear in mind with your own milestone events.”-Panaccolade
“NTA. And you’re a saint for not chewing your sister out for trying to dictate to you how your wedding should be.”
“I find it funny that your sister thinks your wedding is a chance for parents to get away from their children and to enjoy herself.”
“The wedding is not about her. Is your sister married? Does she have kids? My wife and I had a small wedding and we had her niece and her nephew there.”
“We had a great time and it was a beautiful ceremony at our small pagan church with all the people we loved celebrating our love and joining hands in marriage.”
“That is what a wedding is; friends and family showing support for the love of two people who want to spend their lives together. Kids are a part of family. Some people don’t want them and they can do that at their weddings.”-WolfgangVolos
“NTA Also this is a first, I don’t think I have ever heard of someone mad at a bride because she invited children to the wedding.”
“I don’t follow the logic of it not being classy? Like you can have a very classy, fun wedding and have small children in it.”
“I guess if there are parents who genuinely feel their kids won’t have fun and they ‘don’t get a night off’ then tell them they can arrange child care for the night if they want to but they have the option to bring kids.”
“If people are telling you they won’t go because you invited children then I say, trash took itself out. Tell them you are sorry, they will be missed and uninvite them from the wedding.”-JynxedDraca
Unfortunately in two later edits by OP, the sister found the Reddit post and got herself uninvited from the wedding:
“EDIT- Well, looks like my sister found this because I just got a cell phone call full of incoherent screaming. Hi M!”
“EDIT 2: I’ve gotten about a dozen calls since yesterday from her, and right now, she’s no longer invited due to some of the truly horrible things she has said.”
So perhaps all went as it was meant to go.