There are all kinds of reasons that a relationship could go wrong, like money issues or infidelity or even changes in a career direction.
A spouse trying to get their partner to work less often isn’t the typical reason, noted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, but it could definitely point to problems.
Redditor throw342332 found herself dealing with far more potential problems with her new husband than she expected when he started trying to get her to stop working.
But when he pushed against her for her resistance, the Original Poster (OP) wondered what she should do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not taking my husband to the hospital after he lied to me?”
The OP’s husband struggled with her going to work.
“Me ([Female] 28) and my husband ([Male] 26) have been married for 4 months.”
“I returned to work right after we got back from our honeymoon.”
“My husband thinks I went too soon and wanted to extend our honeymoon or plans for a summer trip for us, but since we have to pay rent, electricity, and Internet, we needed to earn a living.”
“I work at a restaurant right across the street.”
“My husband would call me during work hours and complain about missing me and feeling bored.”
“I get home by 6 pm, so I understand how he feels, since he can’t start working until September.”
“He called me one time from work asking if I could come home to watch a movie together, but I said I was busy.”
The OP’s husband developed a habit of lying.
“He complained, then ended the call, then called me back 30 minutes later, telling me to get home asap (as soon as possible), because he injured his arm and couldn’t move it.”
“I freaked out and went home quickly to find it was actually a lie to get me to skip work so I could watch the movie with him. It p**sed me off.”
“He did it again days later, saying his car broke down and I needed to come to pick him up.”
“Then I found out he lied to get me out of work, so he could take me out for lunch.”
“I spoke to him about it and told him to stop doing it, and he apologized and said he won’t repeat those shameful acts.”
“5 days ago, he called me while I was working, telling me to come take him to the hospital because he fell from the stairs and injured his ankle.”
“I hung up on him, thinking he was lying.”
“He texted me, but I ignored him since I had a ton of work.”
It turned out the OP’s husband was injured.
“20 minutes later, his brother called and was mad, saying he just took my husband to the hospital for his broken ankle and I should’ve responded to my husband’s calls and texts.”
“I went to the hospital and my husband was very upset.”
“I tried to explain I thought he was joking but he said, ‘Save it, I don’t wanna hear about how you thought I was a liar,’ and then went on about how hurt he was that I didn’t help him in his time of need and vulnerability.”
“He told me to go back to work since it was so important and since I didn’t want to leave it to help him out.”
The couple struggled to reconcile.
“He started a big argument over this.”
“I told him, due to his previous lies, how was I supposed to believe him now?”
“He said he didn’t even need to tell me and I should’ve known something was wrong.”
“It’s been days and he’s still upset and asked his sister-in-law to stay to help him out.”
“I felt horrible and like not a supportive wife at all.”
The OP also added an important piece of information.
“My husband suffered from mental health issues in the past year or so; hence, he can’t work until September.”
“He’s doing a lot better now compared to what he dealt with in the past.”
“But he still suffers from a number of symptoms, one of them being anxiety.”
“He doesn’t know anyone in the town where we live in, just his brother that he sees once or twice a week.”
“He says he hates staying home by himself and wishes he could have me stay all the time.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the future of the relationship.
“She’s a babysitter – not a wife.”
“OP, does your workplace have a problem with him calling so much? Also, does your husband have a therapist? They might want to know about his concerning behavior.”
“NTA. You had no way of knowing that he wasn’t lying again. There’s no indication that he hurt himself so that he wouldn’t be able to work and/or so that you’d have to care for him, is there?”
“I personally would be rethinking the relationship because I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who can’t entertain themselves.” – HeatherReadsReddit
“*taps the mic loudly so OP can hear*”
“ANXIETY DOESN’T MAKE YOU A MANIPULATIVE LIAR.”
“Boo hoo, he doesn’t know anyone and doesn’t like to be home alone. If he’s in therapy, his therapist should be encouraging him to take steps to make friends and find things to do.”
“He’s not getting better.”
“He doesn’t want to get better.”
“He wants to drag you down with him.”
“Get. Out.” – veloxaraptor
“I mean, wtf (what the f**k) does the guy think? When you weren’t married, did you come home any time he asked?! Why did he think this would be different… getting married does not make money come free.”
“It boggles my mind some people think being a reliable worker doesn’t matter one bit to their partnership…”
“I am proud of my wife’s work ethic to put us in the best position possible as my career is frozen… and trying to thank her with foot rubs and cooking whatever she wants when she gets home to know I appreciate her…” – TryToDoGoodTA
Others were suspicious the fall was not an accident at all.
“Not only that but am I the only one that finds it odd that a 26-year-old take a tumble down some stairs? Don’t get me wrong, It’s my field of study, I know accidents happen, but with his track record, I dunno.”
“I can see this guy thinking, ‘hmmm, I’ll summersault down the stairs and call her and it’ll look legit’ and ended going, ‘holy s**t, holy s**t, people actually get hurt falling downstairs’? I’m older and wider than my twenties but h**l, I’ve got pretty good balance and motor skills still.” – Darth_Dronus
“I’m wondering if his fall wasn’t intentional so she would have to stay home and take care of him.”
“OP said that he’s ‘doing better.’ If this is better, I am terrified.”
“OP, why did you marry him?”
“NTA. He needs more help than you can give him. His situation is critical.” – Fredredphooey
“I was about to leave the post and then some part of me thought, ‘what if the husband actually hurt himself intentionally so OP would leave work/to guilt her when she didn’t.’ I don’t know if there’s any real merit to that, but I thought I’d open it to the floor for discussion.” – ha_look_at_that_nerd
Some said the husband was incredibly unreliable.
“I wonder how much more he’ll miss having a roof over his head if she loses her job…”
“NTA”
“OP needs to be upfront with his family about how he twice lied about having an emergency, causing you to have to leave work in the middle of a shift, making you look bad and unreliable and putting their only income at risk.”
“If they have any suggestions on how to manage his boredom/loneliness without getting OP fired – she’d be open to suggestions. If they don’t have a solution – then they can back off.”
“Christmas isn’t that far away – get them all a copy of ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ as gifts.” – Fraerie
“This is actually a perfect time to bring up a story we read to children and toddlers about the consequences of lying something OPs husbands seemed to learn first hand: ‘The Boy who cried Wolf.'”
“Relationships are based on trust and I don’t blame OP for not trusting him after his previous BS attempts at spending time together.”
“He was also jeopardizing her job doing that s**t.”
“Imagine a coworker saw her go out to dinner with him after leaving because of an ’emergency.'”
“Mental health issues or not he cannot behave like this and expect there NOT to be consequences.”
“Him also blaming OP, not to mention his previous manipulation tactics, the lies are not okay and OP keep an eye out.”
“If they continue I would rethink the relationship because mental health issues or not it doesn’t justify manipulating and gaslighting someone and also risking their job.” – TheoryAddict
The OP’s husband may have been angry with her for her reaction, but the subReddit saw this as more of a manipulative tactic than a genuine emotion. The subReddit also cited other concerns for the longevity of the relationship, including missed work and a family that wasn’t looking at the full story.