Expensive engagement and wedding rings can be a celebrated gift or an unwanted expense. Having something so valuable comes with the worry of damage or loss.
One woman became frustrated when her husband insisted on an expensive ring against her wishes for this very reason.
Redditor prettybutlame turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement on their marital conflict.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my husband to not by me expensive jewellery for this exact reason?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained their butterfingered dilemma:
“Look I am clumsy and I lose/misplace things so frequently it’s not funny. I have been since I was a kid.”
”I’ve broken every phone I’ve ever had. My laptop has a crack in it. My switch has scratches on the screen, recently just got a screen protector.”
”My nice white tshirts always get stains on them when I wear them (thankfully my mum is a miracle worker at getting them out) I snapped a $350 gold earring I got for Christmas 2 years ago the DAY after I got them.”
”I swear I’m cursed. Like legitimately cursed. But I can live with it. I just don’t buy overly expensive things and if I do I get insurance/warranty or a protector.”
“I told my husband when we first started talking about marriage to not buy me an expensive ring. I don’t care if it’s a real diamond or a cubic zirconia, nothing that he wouldn’t complain if I lost or broke.”
”Y’all I’m not joking when I say he bought me a ring over 1k (which is expensive to me my car is worth less than that). At first I would wear it only on dates and family events but he started getting upset. And low and behold I lost it and the wedding band while camping.”
”He said he wasn’t mad and it wasn’t a big deal he’ll get me a new one. (Please note that we’re not rich and the only reason we could even get a one AND a new one is because of lay-bys and I’d much rather that money went to other more important things)”
”So again I told him nothing expensive, seriously. He went out and got a ring set worth more than the original (it was on quite a sale so it itself wasn’t as expensive but without the sale it was more) I again stopped wearing them unless we were on a date or at a family thing.”
”Again he started getting upset so I started wearing them again. I recently got a job at a butchers. I put my rings in my money pouch and then inside a zipped part of my purse while actually working and put them back on when I’m done.”
”Can you believe what happened? Somehow I lost the big ring but not the two bands. I don’t know how, I don’t know where, I’ve turned the house upside down, and my parents house, and asked my workmates to see if it’s in the office (where we keep our bags).”
”No one can find it anywhere. I’m absolutely devastated and this is why I don’t wear them all the time.”
“Now my husband is mad at me saying I lost it on purpose so I could get a new one and I’m throwing away money. I told him I didn’t want an expensive ring in the first place and I’m going to pick my own this time. I’ve looked and there’s a nice cubic zirconia one that looks almost identical to the one I lost at a fraction of the price.”
”So it’s not like I didn’t like the ring and that’s why I wasn’t wearing it. It’s because I was terrified of losing or breaking it which is exactly what happened. Twice.”
”But he’s insisting I’m wasting money on purpose and if I didn’t like it I should’ve just told him. So am I the asshole for what happened even though he and I knew dam well it was going to happen at some point?”
The OP added some extra information after some questions.
They said:
“Edit to add because some people have asked if it’s medical and my bad I forgot to say this in the original post. My hand eye coordination is below average, I’m partially deaf in my left ear, and I have astigmatism and not so good peripheral vision.”
“So yeah it’s a medical thing too. My husband knows all of this by the way.”
“Edit to add again- no one at my work stole the ring the day I lost it was only with my boss and the nice older man who would be very upset if I even thought for a second he did.”
They continued:
“ALSO I work IN a butcher’s shop, I’m not a butcher haha the only time I ever use a knife is if I’m cutting chicken wings. I don’t use any of the meat cutting machines I mainly prep the windows and serve people.”
”I’m fine guys! And yeah my boss knows about the medical things.”
“We’ve been friends for 6 years and play DnD together so he DEFINITELY knows haha thanks for the concern.”
Redditors were asked what they thought by deciding:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NTA here.
“NTA, you explained many times and just because he doesnt appear to understand doeant mean you an Ahole. Many people dont get expensive stuff for that reason or because they cannot have jewellery at work. Get matching rubber or plastic ones that come in multiples sets and make it easier.”~Sabbatha13
”NTA but honestly I’d be a little concerned that he just wants to use you losing the rings against you. Mind you, relationships as a whole terrify me due to my own history so grain of salt and all that. This definitely at least warrants a serious conversation about why, if he knows you lose/ break everything, he’s so determined that your ring be expensive against your wishes.”~SammySaphra4532
“NTA. Hes fully aware of the situation and you explicitly asked him several times not to and he did it anyway. Every time he is gambling, it’s on him if he loses.”~mercifulalien
“NTA. Is he always this controlling about your personal choices? His actions don’t make logical sense, especially knowing this is a medical disability. Why is he pushing this so heavily?”~miraculous_milk
Sounds like listening to OP the first time would have saved a lot of money and conflict.