Adjusting to a new working environment can be stressful.
Not everyone goes with the flow at the same pace.
So it’s nice to have co-workers who can show grace and patience.
But not everyone is so lucky to work with patient people… or decent people.
This can cause a lot of stress.
Redditor spookyempress67 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not giving an older co-worker a ride home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (23 F[emale]) have started a new job a few weeks ago and am still learning where everything is and how to do my job.”
“I work in a big store and also have a learning disability, so it takes me a bit longer to learn things than the average person.”
“I work with this one older lady in her 50s who has been training me, and unfortunately, I messed up a few times yesterday.”
“This lady has been working at this store for about 20 years.”
“I was raised by my grandparents, and I understand older folks can say things that may come off as offensive even if they don’t intentionally mean to.”
“She laughed at me and told me I have been here a few weeks and shouldn’t be making mistakes.”
“She had asked me if I drove myself to work, and I said ‘yes.’”
“She continued to laugh again and asked me how I didn’t get lost, implying again that I’m ‘slow’ lol.”
“That really bothered me because, as I mentioned above, I do have a learning disability and I really do try my best at work.”
“She was complaining about me to management, telling them that I was too stupid to even function, stop hiring slow (R word) people, and that they should fire me.”
“The next time I saw her, I explained that I have a learning disability and it takes me a little bit of time before I can get things perfect.”
“I also told her that her comments were making me uncomfortable and if there was any way we could move past this.”
“She told me that I was being too sensitive and that my generation can’t take criticism.”
“I honestly decided to stay away from her and just focus on my job.”
“Some of the comments she was making about me were making me feel uncomfortable.”
“I hope I’m not being overly sensitive, but I don’t appreciate being insulted and verbally abused even after I try to communicate and talk it out like an adult.”
“At the end of the shift, she followed me to the bathrooms and asked me if I could give her a ride home.”
“I just told her, ‘not today, ‘ and she tried to make me feel guilty because of how old she is and that I was denying an older woman a ride home.”
“She stated that I was being immature and holding a grudge against her because of what she said.”
“I walked away from her because I just wanted to go home and not have any more confrontation.”
“I honestly was not comfortable giving her a ride home.”
“I don’t even know this woman.”
“I also wasn’t happy with the fact that she insulted me multiple times during the shift and made some comments about me that were uncalled for.”
“I try to be kind and help out whoever I can, but I’m also not going to go out of my way for someone who has insulted me and made me feel uncomfortable.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for denying an older woman a ride home?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You don’t get to trash-talk somebody then expect a favor from them.” ~ lmchatterbox
“Exactly this.”
“If you want a favor from someone, you treat them well.”
“I would have flat-out told her the answer is no, and it’s her attitude towards me that is the reason, and she can think about that on her walk home/bus ride home. NTA.” ~IAmFlee
“This woman is not a nice person.”
“She is calling you names and mocking you.”
“That isn’t an age thing, it’s a character thing.”
“You do not have to give someone who is a bully a lift.”
“You don’t have to give someone a nice lift either.”
“If this behavior continues, you need to speak with a manager or H[uman] R[esources] if there is one.
“NTA.” ~ Individual_Metal_983
“Even if it doesn’t continue, she should take it to management or HR.”
“This woman isn’t old enough to excuse any of her ignorance or viciousness with age.”
“She’s not elderly, she’s in her 50s.”
“Hell, I’m 50 and I’m horrified by her.”
“And management needs to know that she’s throwing around the r-word and denigrating a fellow employee for their disability, because what’s to stop her from saying things like that to a customer?” ~ Sorry_I_Guess
“NTA, and she is creating something called a hostile work environment.”
“You need to tell your manager because she is not allowed to talk to you that way and should be reprimanded.” ~ SmallHeath555
“NTA, never help this person outside of what is required in your work role.”
“Furthermore, speak to an HR representative and discuss these interactions with them – they are wholly inappropriate, definitely not acceptable in the workplace.”
“If you feel you may have a hard time speaking to HR, feel free to prepare a written complaint in advance.” ~ T3RRYT3RR0R
“NTA. You don’t owe favors to someone who bullies you at work.”
“Age doesn’t excuse cruelty.” ~ Sarjaylighty
“NTA, the story of what happened and her age do not matter; you don’t have to give any co-worker, young or old, nice or nasty, a ride if you don’t want to.”
“That said, she sounds particularly nasty, and having her in your car is sure to be a nightmare.”
“She’s likely to comment on every single thing you do ‘wrong’ while driving and will use it as proof to herself that you are as R-worded as she has been telling management.”
“I’m so sorry for you that you are having this experience at work.”
“I hope the store is big enough that you’d be able to keep your distance from her while doing your job!” ~ Future-Crazy-CatLady
“NTA, and being in her 50s is not old enough to be given a free pass to be rude AF to people.”
“That’s reserved for dementia patients.” ~ tiggergirluk76
“NTA, that woman has had many years to learn how to be a kind person and hasn’t.”
“No way would I have driven her home.” ~ AddieBumBum
“NTA. Even if she was nice to you, that’s not something you ever have an obligation to do, and she’s a rude AH, so why would you choose to interact with her beyond your minimum work relationship requirement?” ~ NobleCorgi
“Hi! You are NTA.”
“The way she is speaking to you is unacceptable.”
“It’s borderline harassment.”
“If it were me, I would share that feedback with a manager and ask to work with someone who supports new employees.”
“There is no reason to give her a ride… ever.”
“You owe her nothing.”
“Good luck!” ~ matthew_birdsey
“NTA. She’s pretty stupid if she thinks she can constantly insult you, then expect that you will do her favors.”
“When she insults you, tell her to shut her mouth.” ~ laffy4444
“NTA. Being in her 50s doesn’t magically give her a pass to be a nasty person; she got herself into work, she can get herself home again.”
“I’m also in my 50s, we’re old enough to remember the words we shouldn’t use but young enough to know not to use them.” ~ Mad_Cat_Lady
“NTA. I’m nearly 50, and believe me, our generation knows how to treat others and also understand that language and behavior have changed.”
“We know when to keep our mouths shut, especially at work.”
“This woman knows what she is doing.”
“She is taking advantage of you and bullying you to try and get you to quit.”
“You should not have to get a new job.”
“Make a formal complaint, using specific examples.”
“Go through the complaint process in full, so if you do need to sue the company, you can demonstrate you did everything you should.”
“Do not say anything back to her.”
“Don’t give her any ammunition to say you are behaving inappropriately to her.”
“If she asks for a personal favour again, just say no.”
“You do not need to give a reason.”
“You have a solid case of discrimination.”
“Your company will not want a lawsuit, and that may be enough for them to take action.” ~ Mrs_B-
“NTA. Her behavior is a liability to your company, as it’s blatant discrimination and harassment of a disabled employee.”
“You can file a complaint with HR if you want her out of your hair permanently, or say the magic words ‘discriminating and harassing me because of my disability’ to your manager.” ~ Blankie_Burrito
“NTA… don’t have any interaction with her beyond the necessary.”
“If she continues to insult you, report her to management.”
“She’s creating a hostile work environment, and that is not good for the company.”
“Keep your complaint professional and not about your feelings- it’s about being able to do your job without abuse.”
“She is obnoxious and entitled, and you don’t owe her anything.”
“Kudos to you for understanding your disability and working hard to overcome it.”
“Keep doing your best.” ~ DeeHarperLewis
“NTA. Time for a new job.”
“This is clearly abusive behavior, and the fact that your management does nothing about it should be a clear sign that you, unfortunately, need to protect yourself by getting out of this situation.” ~ Mobile_Cranberry_575
“NTA, you can say no to anything for any reason and don’t need a valid explanation.” ~ midas_the_king
Reddit is with you, OP.
This kind of behavior is outrageous.
You deserve better.
It does sound like getting HR involved is a good idea.
Stay strong.
Good Luck.