Having a baby is an exciting and beautiful time. But it is also exhausting and painful.
It’s important to feel like your partner is there for you throughout the process.
So, when one person misses the birth of their baby it is upsetting for both parents.
Redditor pookiennermal encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not trying harder to tell my husband I was in labour?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“My husband who I do love and does love me. Is a distant and private person. To everyone. His mom was having health problems and I didn’t know until weeks later when I spoke to her.”
“I asked him how she was doing later and he said he didn’t know. That just how he deal with things. He doesn’t want to get to personal with anyone. We share hobbies and can have good conversations as long as they are not too personal. It can be off putting but I do genuinely enjoy his company.”
“Jump to this last week. I am pregnant and went into labor. It was only a few days before my due date so nothing concerning. I tried to call his work but his phone went right to voice mail because he was in a meeting. I text him. Still no answer.”
“I waited a half hour the tried again and still couldn’t get through. My labor was getting further along. So I called a friend to get a ride to the hospital.”
So, he found out later that day.
“By the time my husband checked his phone at the end of the work day, I had already given birth to our daughter. Everything was very straight forward no complications we were ready to leave by the next morning.”
“My husband is upset with me though. Saying I should have come by his work to tell him it was time. But he has alway’s been distant about work. I know what department he works in but not where his office is in the building. It would have been awkward.”
“My husband has told me what I did was unforgivable. He hasn’t called me an asshole but has said I am horrible person for denying him the joy of seeing our daughter born.”
“AITA for not trying harder to contact him?”
“Info because a lot are asking. I did text specifically that I was in labor.”
“I left voice mail to the same. I panicked a bit and didn’t call his office because he likes to keep work and home separate.”
“Which means I don’t know a lot about his work and I was worried I would over share to his coworkers by calling. And him not checking his phone is a part of his work home split too.”
“He doesn’t deal with anything work related at home but also just put his personal phone out of his mind at work. It is rare for me to get a response from him at all while he is at work on a normal day.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“When your wife is getting within three fricken weeks of her due date – it is up to you to keep your phone on you at all times. THIS WASN’T A SURPRISE BABY – he knew it was coming – and once you are within a week of the due date it can really come at any time.”
“The person carrying the baby already has enough to keep track of and do – the partner only really has to check their damn text messages. I can’t imagine what his coworkers would have thought if his wife showed up in labor and was all ‘my husband won’t check his phone, I’m expected to go get him’ and then proceeded to have a baby in the front lobby because she didn’t take her ass to a hospital.”
“I promise you people would tell that story for years and everyone at work would consider him an asshole of the highest order.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“OP also just sounds like she’s always walking on eggshells around him, worrying about ‘invading his privacy,’ when in fact he’s keeping her at arm’s distance and withholding emotional intimacy.”
“Sounds like OP’s husband wants to use this incident to further blame everything on OP and manipulate her. My god please rethink your relationship.” ~ lilsunsunsun
“But also if he is this anal about keeping everything separate they should’ve had a plan for what would happen when she went into labour.”
“When I was pregnant hubby had his phone on him always. He would always answer. If I texted to see how busy he was he would call me back almost immediately to make sure everything was ok.”
“I strongly suspect if she had gone there to get him he would’ve complained about that too!!”
“NTA” ~ EmmaPemmaPooBear
“I once had a teacher whose wife was pregnant. Starting 2 or 3 weeks before the due date, he started having his phone out on the teachers desk, with the ring tone on full volume, during each and every class. We had a no-phone-policy, so he informed us that this was so he would hear of the labour immediately.”
“I later heard that that call actually did happen during a class. As he had arranged before, he informed the office that he was leaving and they cancelled the rest of his classes for the day/got someone to cover for him. Not 5 minutes after the call he was i his car, on the way to the hospital.”
“NTA. OP, your husband needs a major attitude adjustment, and he needs it now! There is a child involved now! Sit him down and do not hesitate to paint some nightmare scenarios for him! Because it might not always be you that needs to reach him.”
“What if your child’s school one day needs to call him because something bad happened? What if you and your kid are ever in an accident and the hospital tries to reach him? God prevent it, but what if there is ever a “come to say goodbye before they pass” moment that he misses because he is completely unreachable via normal ways?”
“This is not acceptable behavior. And it is totally unreasonable to put the blame on you when he dropped the ball here. Expecting someone in labour to not go directly to the hospital, but to his work and fetch him, even though he could very reasonably be reached via phone? What, is he a toddler?” ~ SufficientMacaroon1
Maybe keep your phone on vibrate next time? Or don’t complain when someone can’t get in touch with you.
OP later added an update.
“Thank you for the comments and support but this has been extremely upsetting. From the messaging telling me if I don’t leave my husband this second I am abusing my daughter to people telling me he is going to kill us.”
“As for my husband he has been a wonderful father. He likes walking with her and soothing when she is crying.”
“He takes on more than his fair share of dirty diapers. And he hasn’t hesitated to jump out of bed if she cries at night.”