There is nothing more unnerving than bringing a new dating partner home to meet the parents. Having mom and dad’s approval is another reassuring sign that you are with the right person.
But what happens when your date is the one that screws everything up? Redditor newaccount1234214 is a father who with his wife was meeting their son’s new boyfriend for dinner.
It didn’t go very well.
But after he was accused of overreacting to the new boyfriend’s rude comments, he sought the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to post a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA).
Dad asked:
“WIBTA for not letting my son’s boyfriend back in our house after he insulted my wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) described his first brush with his son’s boyfriend who rubbed him the wrong way.
“I have met a couple of my son’s boyfriend in the past and have always liked them. This newest one is just beyond obnoxious.”
“I never really believed the stereotypical ‘gay guy’ you see on TV existed until I met this man. My son is none of those things, he is just a quiet, low key, guy.”
“The boyfriend came to our house to meet us for the first time yesterday. I didn’t have any real concerns about him at first, besides finding him annoying.”
“We had dinner and were just sitting at the table getting to know him when my wife asks what he does for a living. He says he is a hairdresser and then without even taking a breath, he offers to give my wife a ‘makeover’.”
“She didn’t even get a word in before he told her all the changes he would make. I don’t remember exactly, but he talked about a new color and a new style that would ‘brighten her face’.”
“I saw on her face that she was uncomfortable.”
“I told him pretty sternly that he made a nice offer but she’s gorgeous the way she is. My wife has a hard time sticking up for herself and usually looks to me.”
“The little sh*t actually says to me something like ‘I mean if you’re into the dowdy housewife look then to each their own’.”
“I got pretty pissed but my son interjected at that point and told his boyfriend to shut up. Son apologized to his mother and said his boyfriend doesn’t always think before he speaks.”
“This is the point that my wife told me I should have let it go. I was pissed off at this guy and told my son it was time for them to go. I wasn’t going to let my wife be insulted in our own home.”
“They left pretty quick and the wife and I got into it. She says that she was insulted but she didn’t want to escalate things.”
“She loves our son more than anything on God’s green earth and I know for a fact she would put up with any boyfriend that made our son happy, no matter how awful he is to her. I think that the boyfriend is a grown man, I would guess north of 30, and he knows better than to say sh*t like that.”
“My son called that same night to apologize again to his mother.”
“He told me he understood why I asked them to leave but wants me to be open to seeing the boyfriend again. I told him I would think about it.”
“What I want to do is never see that guy again. My son is a good-looking boy with a great career, he can do better than someone who insults his mother first visit.”
“My wife thinks I should let it all go.”
“My son is 28 now and I know he wants to settle down. I think if I just suck it up and see the guy, then there’s less chance my son will dump him to find a better man.”
“I want to hold my ground on this. I search this site for places where people help with ‘moral’ decisions and this was it.”
“So tell me if I’m wrong here.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in on dad’s hypothetical situation:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
NAH – No A**holes Here
This Redditor declared NTA, but said the ultimate decision for banning the boyfriend should belong to someone else.
“NTA. You keep repeating that your SON keeps apologizing. Has the boyfriend apologized? If he gives a sincere apology to your wife, would you reconsider the ban?”
“However, it should be your WIFE’S decision…not yours.” – booklover1993
This person didn’t share the same point of view.
“I disagree. It has to be both of their decision. OP is not obligated to stand by and watch some rude person insult someone in his own home.”
“Two to approve; one to veto.” – avast2006
The OP responded:
“He hasn’t apologized himself. When my son called he apologized on behalf of his guy.”
“I would think more of him if he apologized himself and meant it.”
This Redditor said the outcome would be different for him in a similar situation.
“As a gay man myself, if someone said that to my mother, boyfriend or not, they would get slapped.”
“And then tell them to apologize before I make them regret it.”
“He needs to apologize to your wife before another visit could even be considered in my opinion.” – AlexDeWinter
This Redditor told the OP to consider the possible consequences of his decision to ban the boyfriend.
“NTA However it’s possible that by not seeing the boyfriend that your son will begin to see you as the unreasonable one & stay with him.”
“I know what he said was rude & hurtful, so does your son. Let this rude man prove to your son who he is & that you accept his choice to love who he chooses to love. That way this man is more likely to become the AH ex a lot faster. – KittyMBunny
This Redditor acknowledged that everyone has regrets.
Would the boyfriend recognize his actions and try to redeem himself?
“NTA. I have a hard time with gay men who think that being flamboyant gives them a pass for being a rude d*ck.”
“That being said, everyone makes mistakes. If the bf can accept responsibility for his lack of manners and apologizes himself, then I think you should give him another chance.”
“Everyone has moments in their lives they don’t want to defined by.” – travellingdink
But not everyone believes the boyfriend can come back from this and the situation was identified for what it was.
“NTA. The new boyfriend is so far into a**hole territory he couldn’t come back if he wanted.”
“This is negging (an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator’s approval).”
“Not only would I not let this a**hole back into my house, I would worry about how he’s manipulating my child.” – rusty0123
Regarding the OP’s statement “I think if I just suck it up and see the guy, then there’s less chance my son will dump him to find a better man. I want to hold my ground on this” a Redditor commented:
“ESH. You don’t get to make that decision. Your son is also a grown adult, he’s shown he’ll intervene and say something so if his boyfriend can’t learn to address his mistakes it’s up to him to make the decision to end the relationship.”
“It’s a d*ckhead move to try to do anything to influence someone else’s relationship over one offensive yet minor comment.” – Mischief_Makers
Not all hairdressers are the same.
“I’m a hairdresser and never in my life would I ever say this to ANYONE. That is so f’king rude. NTA.” – vietnams666
The general consensus on Reddit was this boyfriend should not be allowed back into the OP’s home unless he gives a meaningful apology.