Getting remarried and rebuilding a family dynamic can be an uphill battle.
Kids and stepparents are a fragile compromise.
And it’s an all hands on deck situation.
Sitting out is really not an option.
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaythumb1 to discuss he story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for choosing to not get involved when my daughter threw away my wife’s shampoo collection?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context: I 39, got married to my wife ‘Nelly’ 36, months ago.”
“I have to say that Nelly and my daughter (her stepdaughter) ‘Megan’ 16, have never gotten along.”
“They have lots of disagreements and nothing in common and it was obvious since the first day they met.”
“But I didn’t do anything about it thinking they’d move past their differences and warm up to each other the longer they spend time together.”
“I was wrong because once we moved in together the fights got worse.”
“Nelly would complain from Megan throwing away stuff of her’s just because she thought it didn’t belong there.”
“It’s been basically a mouse and cat game and I’ve lost track on who’s right and who’s wrong.”
“I did try to establish some boundaries to try to bring back peace to my home.”
“And I had them agree that each stays in their own lane and not bother each other.”
“Nelly said that I was wrong to think that what Megan is doing is okay but I told her to let it slide.
“Nelly has a special type of haircare products for her sensitive hair.”
“Shampoo, conditioner etc etc.”
“She put them in the bathroom but Megan ended up throwing them away saying that Nelly had no right to store her products in the bathroom cause it’s not her house.”
“To keep the peace I asked Nelly to just keep her stuff in the bedroom and take it with her whenever she wants to take a shower to which she agreed.”
“Last night Nelly took a shower and forgot her hair products in the bathroom.”
“Megan ended up going in there and then the shampoo collection was gone.”
“Nelly freaked out and then had a fight after Megan told her she dumped them out saying she already warned her about leaving her stuff laying around in the bathroom.”
“Nelly broke down and when I said I choose to stay out of this because of how petty it was, she blew up at me.”
“She yelled about how I keep letting Megan get away with her bad attitude and unjustified misbehavior.”
“Told me to stop enabling her and start setting consequences for her actions.”
“I told her she should’ve been more careful knowing how Megan is.”
“So I feel like this was preventable.”
“But she said that she forgot her stuff there and didn’t think Megan would go that far.”
“We had an argument and that was it.”
“Megan is acting nonchalant despite me talking to her.”
“And Nelly went to stay with her parents saying I need to step up and do something.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA here absolutely.”
“She’s your child, you should be acting like a parent.”
“Why would you act like they should work it out when it’s literally your house and your child.” ~ Kalenek
“Seriously. Can you imagine having a ‘partner’ like this?”
“Not only does OP have zero control over his awful, entitled, bully of a daughter, but they refuse to even acknowledge that there’s any sort of problem with her treatment of their wife.”
“OP is so TA it’s unreal.”
“Stuff like this is how some people get anxiety disorders.” ~ wheres_jaykwellin_at
“I think it worse than that.”
“OP clearly has no idea what’s going on with his kid.”
“He’s never bothered to check in and really know her.”
“I’m betting there was no therapy or any kind of professional support from the divorce and that’s why he’s ended up with her in this much pain.”
“ETA kids don’t turn themselves into bullies.” ~ obiwantogooutside
“You can’t make your kid respect someone.”
“\My dad can beg me to respect his gf all day, but at the end of the day, he cheated on my mom for her so neither are getting my respect.”
“Megan needs therapy and OP is TA who needs to take a vested interest in his daughter’s life.”
“Also, also, unless the kid is an unruly a**hole just to be an a**hole, why would a parent marry someone their kid hates/can’t stand?”
“ESPECIALLY if your kid is gonna be living with y’all.” ~ ArmadilloSighs
“I would’ve left the mother**cker the moment he told me I had to store my own hygiene products in the bedroom.”
“Otherwise his immature daughter would throw them out.”
“What’s the point of living together if you have to hide?”
“Nooooooo freaking way. YOU are such an a**hole, dude.”
“Discipline your irrational, petty offspring.”
“EDIT: Re-reading this I feel like I was too harsh on the daughter.”
“I’ve never lived through a divorce so I don’t know what it would feel like – but I know a lot of childhoods turn sour after that.”
“However, behavior like this is NOT normal, and definitely disordered/deranged.”
“At 16 years old she knows the mindgames she is playing.”
“And the father having practically zero interest/involvement in disciplining her or setting up boundaries is genuinely concerning.”
“What may seem benign now, could very well turn into something more menacing.”
“His kid is unwell, and so is he.”
“They both need to put in tremendous work, otherwise the lives of several people could be ruined.” ~ shantiteuta
“YTA control your child.”
“It is your wife’s house too and she should certainly be able to leave her hair care in the bathroom all of the time without fearing it will be thrown away.”
“It is unacceptable for your daughter to be touching anyones things without their permission.”
“And you are failing her by not establishing boundaries and consequences.”
“You need to step up and be a parent.”
“Start establishing and enforcing those boundaries.”
“And for the love of God apologize to your wife for not creating an environment where she feels safe.” ~ QuinnRaven
“YTA For heavens sakes why are you letting this go on??!!”
“Step up and ACT LIKE A PARENT!!”
“Your daughter needs to be told this is NOT in any way acceptable behavior.”
“Your wife has every right in the world to have her stuff in that bathroom- she lives there too.”
“And as for your spoiled, entitled daughter telling your wife it’s not her house and you not shutting that down then and there- what is wrong with you?!”
“YTA and you’re probably looking at a divorce in the very near future.” ~ Tinlizzie2
“Seriously, OP is YTA times 1000.”
“How he thinks it was ok to even ask his wife to keep her shampoo in the bedroom instead of the bathroom is beyond me.”
“She doesn’t live in a student dormitory.”
“36 months of marriage and he is ok with her being told it isn’t her home and she needs to hide her belongings so they aren’t destroyed or thrown out.”
“I think after 36 mo it is a wonder she hasn’t left OP or been broken to retaliate and throw the daughter’s items out in frustration.”
“Zero punishment for a brat of a daughter and he completely washes his hands of everything?”
“I would say that the daughter might be reacting to something but OP only mentions what his daughter has done to hurt his wife.”
“And that he thought things would magically become better.”
“From the post I think the daughter is just horrible, spoiled and OP deserves to be single.”
“ETA – ok apparently I missed the comma and wife is 36 years old and they have been married for months.”
“But other than the marriage length I still stand by everything else I wrote.”
“One month or 36 OP is treating his wife poorly by allowing the daughter’s behavior to continue and accepting it as normal.” ~ MadPenguin1
“You need to elaborate more because OP doesn’t even see what’s wrong here.”
“He doesn’t think it’s a problem for his child to bully and destroy someone else’s property.”
“He’s happy to victim blame if it means he doesn’t have to discipline.”
“OP, this should’ve been nipped in the bud as soon as you could prove that Megan was tossing her stuff.”
“You should’ve told her that it was inappropriate, and that while she doesn’t have to like or spend time with your wife, she needs to respect her and her belongings.”
“You own the house and wife has permission to live there.”
“It’s her space too and she’s entitled to a safe space.”
“Start charging her money for every item she tosses or damages.”
“If she doesn’t have a job, take away privileges until she decides to get one or takes on equivalent chores.”
“Stop being a lazy sperm donor and start being a father. YTA.” ~ dearbornx
Well OP, Reddit sounds pretty clear on this situation.
Sounds like it’s time to sit everybody down for a “family” chat.
You can’t avoid getting involved forever.