To paraphrase the Rolling Stones, you can’t always get what you want but you might find that you get what you need.
And after a father made no attempt to hide his disappointment at a gender reveal party, Redditors suggested that what he needed was to check himself.
Redditor delaputa asked for backup for his behavior on the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“AITA for walking out of a gender reveal party?”
He explained:
“My wife (34) and I (33) are having our second child. We have a daughter (5).”
“She’s been grouchy her whole pregnancy so her sister offered to plan her a gender reveal party.”
“The plan was that all the food and decorations would be blue or pink and in the end we’d get one of those special sparklers that would light up in either blue or pink to reveal the gender.”
“We went to the doctor and got her to write the result in a folded piece of paper that we passed over to her sister without looking.”
“So flash forward to the day of the party and the moment of truth comes and the sparkler turns out to be pink for a girl.”
“I don’t know what came over me but all I felt at that moment was very bitter disappointment.”
“To be honest, all I was hoping for baby #2 is to be able to toss a ball around with him and coach little league. Or watch him go on Boy Scout camping trips.”
“I know my daughter is only five, but I’ve already started to deal with the dramas of being a father of a girl and the thought of having to double up now on the neuroticism was harrowing.”
“I grew up in a house with three older boys and one younger sister and I can’t imagine seeing myself be outnumbered.”
“My wife grabbed my arm as people were approaching us to say their congratulations and said I needed to look happier. At that moment I just snapped.”
“I shook my head and walked out to my car ( we came separately) and drove to my sister’s (21 F[emale]) house.”
“I start getting texts from my sister in law and my wife saying ‘way to reenact’ their dad leaving their mom when they were 10 and 12.”
“I felt like that accusation was unfair and that I just needed some time alone. I didn’t ask to be flabbergasted- it just happened. And I don’t think it’s fair that they would have demanded I smile and nod for the next couple of hours.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors saw him as TA (the a**hole) for his reaction and saw his behavior as sexist.
“YTA. Hoping for a boy is one thing. Literally walking out on your wife for a gender reveal party is another.”
“You were extremely unsupportive and if you’re that upset that you’re having another daughter, then you shouldn’t have had another child in the first place. Disgusting.” – alalal982
“The horrifying sexism aside, reacting bitterly and walking out of your own gender reveal party because you’re having a girl???? So rude and deeply humiliating for your wife.” – kcmullan
“Huge YTA. You’re welcoming a new child into the world, and already disappointed in this child for something she can’t control.” – tnannie
“Literally OP could have saved us the time of reading all this if he’d just said ‘AITA? I hate women’.”
“The NEUROTICISM.” – RickyNixon
“YTA. And from what I can read, a misogynist too. ‘Double up on the neuroticism’.”
“Really? Also, you do realize girls can also play little league and ‘toss a ball around’ with you? And can also join the scouts?”
“Dude. Grow up.” – valleke5400
“You may not be aware, but male genitals aren’t a prerequisite for playing sports and going camping.”
“YTA.” – smh2301980
Some thought this could be a blessing in disguise.
“I’m almost glad he didn’t have a boy so he wouldn’t blatantly favor him over his ‘neurotic’ FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER and cause her a lifetime of emotional trauma.”
“But then again, now he has a baby on the way that he also already resents!” – lamprabbit
“YTA and a ridiculous sexist. The ‘neuroticism’ you’re experiencing from your 5 year old?”
“Are you kidding? Get over yourself. As hard as your life is being a girl dad, being an actual girl is much harder.”
“Mostly due to men like you.”
“You’re afraid of being outnumbered? Maybe try learning to respect women and girls so you don’t have to be afraid of them.”
“You need therapy.” – mandilew
Why he would even have a gender reveal party was anybody’s guess.
“Congratulations on the expansion of your family!!!!”
“Also, YTA. If you weren’t prepared to be happy in front of a crowd in the case of either gender, you should have never allowed a gender reveal party to happen.”
“Come on now. You know this.”
“Were there any little pink and blue umbrellas at this party?”
“If so, gather a bunch and huddle under, because you’re about to get stuck in a thunderstorm of YTAs. I feel like you know this, too.” – Snausagefestivus
“Exactly- gender disappointment is something that some people experience, and if you knew you’d be possibly disappointed over the outcome and still allowed this party to happen, you are an a**hole.”
“You are blessed beyond measure to be having another daughter- get over yourself and step up to be the parent both of these girls deserve.” – Randomuser5741
LifeofKiwis wrote an epic comment urging the OP not to be dismissive of his second daughter just because he was hoping for a boy.
“YTA-and I will be calm and explain why. Having a girl does not make you less of a man, and it doesn’t make your child less interested in sports.”
“Your wife is hugely pregnant right now, hormones running rampant through her system, and this was a party celebrating new life that she is carrying. She has spent the better part of a year carrying a life you helped create.”
“Swollen ankles, painful breasts, nausea, vomiting, bone brittlement, hair changing, the list goes on and on. She needed you there, and you left her.”
“I understand change is scary, and that you’ve never had to be in close contact with more than a couple girls for an extended period of time. I do take issue with one phrase-‘neuroticism.'”
“Girls are not neurotic, and they are not by default more emotional than boys. Your thinking is very archaic, my friend.”
“You ‘didn’t ask to be flabbergasted.’ You are an adult. Suck it up, buttercup. This is your child and your wife, and you left them at one of the most vulnerable moments.”
“You didn’t think it was fair to be asked to smile and nod. Your wife didn’t ask for stretched out skin, pain, discomfort, or for the serious agony of birthing a child.”
“She could die from childbirth, so it is frankly a little insane to me that you are calling her ‘grumpy’ while she’s about ready to pop.”
“I get that you don’t know what it feels like to be a biological female and carry a child, but I can assure you that being stomped on YOUR most delicate parts with a sharp stiletto heel will pale in comparison to the rigorous demands of childbirth.”
“Women and girls are not dainty, delicate little creatures who bruise if they drop their lace handkerchiefs. We are firefighters, combat veterans, doctors, EMT’s, and the list goes on.”
“Do not do us the disservice or disrespect of pinning us in one hole.”
“We are resilient, strong, and capable individuals who will not wilt at throwing a baseball. I got hit in the face with a softball being thrown at forty miles an hour, and after wiping the blood off my face, I finished practice and went to urgent care for an X-ray.”
“I could be willing to look past most of this as simple exhaustion, or stress, if not for the way you refer to the women and girls in your life.”
“Your daughters are a part of you. I wish to God my dad was still around, because I would have done anything for that man, for his love.”
“Do not shun your daughters because you wished for them to have a penis. They are as much a part of you as a boy would have been.”
“Frankly, if I was your wife, I would be feeling abandoned and worthless that my husband was so willing to give up on me and my gender because he doesn’t think we are strong enough or worthy enough of his love. I cannot imagine how your daughter would feel if she read this post.”
“I would be gutted if I found out my dad didn’t want me because I had a vagina. We went camping together, he taught me how to fish, he taught me basic wound care….I played softball and my brother took apart computers.”
“Why would he want me any less than my brother (who wasn’t his biological son, for the record) just because I was born with different genitalia?”
“I urge you to think on this, and I truly wish the best for you and your family.”
The soon to be father of two daughters did not return with any updates after receiving his judgment. Over 1,000 Redditors replied and every one of them thought he was the a**hole.